Family Tradition

RollTideRam · Sep 2, 2019

My family has a tradition of borrowing my stuff without asking. My brother and mostly his oldest son are notorious for not asking to borrow my stuff, and when I need it I have to go looking for it. We all live very close. We have 18 acres divided up and share the same driveway. I pretty much buy gravel and keep the driveway up myself. My biggest concern has always been the use of my tractor. My BIL will always ask me if he can use it and will put in more fuel than used and will come to me if something gets broke. He has always paid for the parts. My brother rarely uses the tractor, but never puts fuel in it or cleans it up if he gets it muddy. My nephew is the one that really gets to me. He is a good man and is full time in the National Guard, but he has damaged my tractor on more than one occasion, and never puts fuel in it.

I sold my trusty Deere 3320 last week and want to get something a little bigger, but am not sure on how to break the news to my family that I don't want them touching my new tractor. I have let it slide so long that I am afraid I am going to hurt some feelings. I work 12 hour nights and work a lot of overtime. My wife accuses me of being on the grumpy side and I am unsure as to how I am going to break the news. My Nephew already noticed the Deere was gone and said he would be glad to go in with me on a new tractor, but I have heard that talk before. They always offered to pay for oil changes but nobody has ever showed up with the money.

Sorry to vent to a bunch of people I don't know. Maybe I'm just practicing. JC

Citydude · Sep 2, 2019

RollTideRam said:
My family has a tradition of borrowing my stuff without asking. My brother and mostly his oldest son are notorious for not asking to borrow my stuff, and when I need it I have to go looking for it. We all live very close. We have 18 acres divided up and share the same driveway. I pretty much buy gravel and keep the driveway up myself. My biggest concern has always been the use of my tractor. My BIL will always ask me if he can use it and will put in more fuel than used and will come to me if something gets broke. He has always paid for the parts. My brother rarely uses the tractor, but never puts fuel in it or cleans it up if he gets it muddy. My nephew is the one that really gets to me. He is a good man and is full time in the National Guard, but he has damaged my tractor on more than one occasion, and never puts fuel in it.

I sold my trusty Deere 3320 last week and want to get something a little bigger, but am not sure on how to break the news to my family that I don't want them touching my new tractor. I have let it slide so long that I am afraid I am going to hurt some feelings. I work 12 hour nights and work a lot of overtime. My wife accuses me of being on the grumpy side and I am unsure as to how I am going to break the news. My Nephew already noticed the Deere was gone and said he would be glad to go in with me on a new tractor, but I have heard that talk before. They always offered to pay for oil changes but nobody has ever showed up with the money.

Sorry to vent to a bunch of people I don't know. Maybe I'm just practicing. JC

It's nice that you are concerned about hurting someone's feelings. Its not easy with family.

It's time to have the conversation with them about your feelings before the new tractor arrives.

sodamo · Sep 2, 2019

And buy one with a key, take the key to work, put a post it note on ignition switch reminding them of new policy.

Cat_Driver · Sep 2, 2019

Here's what I do and has worked WONDERS for me for 30 years. When they ask to borrow I say sorry my insurance company will not allow it because of liabiity issues. I said if you get hurt then you can sue me for my childs colledge education. I also add that if they find out or ther is an issue they will drop me as a customer.

No technacally speaking there is some truth in this. If anyone gets hurt using your equipment YOU can and will be sued by their lawyers for not "properly" training them in the use of the equipment of not properly maintaining the equipment and having proper maintamance logs proving that you maintained your equipment.

Don't laugh, I went through two legal cases where these thing were brought up by the other lawyers.

After I tell them NO - I ususally say that if they need some money I can loan them some so they can rent the equipment. No one has ever taken me up on myoffer. Good cop bad cop.

goeduck · Sep 2, 2019

Cat_Driver said:
Here's what I do and has worked WONDERS for me for 30 years. When they ask to borrow I say sorry my insurance company will not allow it because of liabiity issues. I said if you get hurt then you can sue me for my childs colledge education. I also add that if they find out or ther is an issue they will drop me as a customer.

No technacally speaking there is some truth in this. If anyone gets hurt using your equipment YOU can and will be sued by their lawyers for not "properly" training them in the use of the equipment of not properly maintaining the equipment and having proper maintamance logs proving that you maintained your equipment.

Don't laugh, I went through two legal cases where these thing were brought up by the other lawyers.

After I tell them NO - I ususally say that if they need some money I can loan them some so they can rent the equipment. No one has ever taken me up on myoffer. Good cop bad cop.

Well said.... that should wake a few people up.

buckeyefarmer · Sep 2, 2019

Yep, my tractor with my homeowners ins must stay on my property. Course easy for me to say, with no relatives right next to me
Good luck.

Thomas · Sep 2, 2019

Maybe its time for some tough love as they say...no,if tractor leaves my land I'm the only one will be operating it.

Egon · Sep 2, 2019

Thomas said:
Maybe its time for some tough love as they say...no,if tractor leaves my land I'm the only one will be operating it.

Straight and forward. Facts all out in the open.

Jstpssng · Sep 2, 2019

Egon said:
Straight and forward. Facts all out in the open.

Saying it is easy, sticking with it will take some practice at first.

(From the title, I thought that this would be about a Labor Day annual gathering.)

TnAndy · Sep 2, 2019

When they ask to borrow it, say "Nope....got to make soup today"

"Well what has your tractor to do with making soup ?"

"Nothing....but if I don't want to lend it, one excuse is as good as another, right ? "

Seriously....NOBODY will abuse you like family. Stranger wouldn't even think of it. Just say no....if they get mad, they'll either get over it or not....but it beat the heck out of YOU being mad !