Female advice needed

   / Female advice needed #61  
I continue to appreciate all the good thoughts. It's been a week since my wife died and I'm still in a fog but each day is better. This is not something that is easy to write about on a public forum, but you know, all of us have to go through this, well most of us, and I'm hoping some good will come of it.

After seven years, a dozen operations, three radiations, five chemo treatments, thirty hospital stays, most a week or more, I am just plain exhausted. And we all know that good decisions usually don't come when we are tired...so I'm not trying to rush things. It's my wife's sister who is still in town from the funeral who seems to think it's perfectly ok for her to go through every drawer in our house looking for mementos of her sister. She has no idea how invasive that feels. If I find something family oriented, it will go back to family. I guess she is just grasping for some continued connection, and I feel for her. I sure know what that's like.

so I'm going faster than I want, but this too will pass. Yesterday the sister and SIL packed clothes for three hours, and then I let them have their pick of handbags and costume jewelry. But when they started to discuss who should get the Coach handbag, and almost began arguing, I lost it and barked at the sister that I was not going to listen to them argue over my wife's stuff. Maybe this is just normal and I'm not used to this. My wife's new sewing machine is going to one lady and her serger to the other. Luckily the SIL is an accomplished seamstress who can really use the machinery. So I feel good about that.

Varmint, nice story about your friend, thanks.

What Varmint's wife did was excellent.

Unfortunately, fighting over the treasure of those who have died seems to be common. :rolleyes: Ticks me off to say the least. I can see heated discussions, to a point, for items that have meaning for people but fighting over "money" makes my blood boil. When my grandmother died, some distant cousin sued the estate for money! :shocked: My grandmother never had a pot to pee in and this $%^&*() came out of nowhere demanding money. My grandmother's property went to my father, aunt and uncles. It was real simple estate but this woman and her hack of a lawyer wanted to claw some money from the estate. Since my father was handling the estate of his dead mother, this was not something he needed to deal with.

I have seen some heated conversations about items that have meaning and I understand those discussions. I have an aunt who maybe has forgiven me for getting my granny's rocking chair. :laughing::laughing::laughing: That chair meant, and means, a lot to me, since my grandmother owned it for years and I would sit in the chair for hours when I visited her. I am pretty sure she bought the chair at Sears close to a century ago and that chair is all original. Even the paint. The fabric appears to be silk, which is barely worn and the colors are still good. The chair folds up too and it still works. They truly do not make chairs like this anymore. I have always told my grandmother, even as a kid, I wanted that chair one day and on one of my lasts visits to her, out of the blue, she told me to take the chair so I did. My aunt was ticked but she got other mementos. :D Most importantly, for whatever reason, my granny wanted me to have that chair.

That chair is in my bedroom and I will sit in it from time to time to remember my granny. :thumbsup: I REALLY miss her too. Granny never had much and raised four kids on a teachers pay when teachers really were paid squat. She did not have time or money to fix fancy meals but she made some food that was simply awesome. One of those dishes was Chicken and Dumplings. Not fat, doughy yankee dumplings but flat dumplings. Not Chicken and Pastry that they make here in NC either. The "pastry" here are really noodles and I don't want Chicken and Noodles soup! :laughing::laughing::laughing: When I was in my late teens, my parents were out of town on the weekend. My granny called me up to see how I was doing and I was in the kitchen trying to make Chicken and Dumplings! :laughing::laughing::laughing: She was surprised that I was trying to cook Chicken and Dumplings and she laughed and laughed and laughed. Lordy, I can still hear her laughing. She told that story about me making C&Ds for the rest of her life. My dad and I were talking about that story this weekend and of course I told it to my kids for the upteenth time! :laughing::laughing::laughing: At least they did not give me the "Yeah, dad we have heard this story before." look or speech. :D:D:D

This weekend I saw that chicken thighs were on sale for 99 cents a pound and I made C&Ds for the first time in at least a decade. They were pretty danged good! Not as good as granny's of course but danged close! :licking::thumbsup: I still have one more serving of C&Ds I will eat tonight and I froze half of the chicken I bought. The next batch is going to be really good. Maybe 99% as good as granny's! :laughing::laughing::laughing:

I listen to a syndicated morning radio show that has a man and a woman as the two hosts. I think he is in his late 50's maybe 60's and she is in her 40s. Both have been married three times. They both got married young and she says she knew when she was getting married that it was a mistake but she did it anyway. The first marriages ended in divorce and they remarried. What is odd, is that it seems like they both married spouses with similar personalities and the character issues ended the second marriage for both. The two hosts have long joked how they thought three marriages sounded about right. :laughing::laughing::laughing: The man eventually married for a third time and it seems like the third time was a charm. The woman host said she would NEVER remarry but lo and behold this summer, out of the blue, she and her long time boyfriend got married.

Getting married three times does seem like a bit much, but now a days with people living so long, maybe three is not so much. Especially if one marries young and hits a few major bumps in the road of life.

Later,
Dan
 
   / Female advice needed
  • Thread Starter
#62  
Getting married three times does seem like a bit much, but now a days with people living so long, maybe three is not so much. Especially if one marries young and hits a few major bumps in the road of life.

When I got married the first time, it was for life. Two Quaker kids from old local families and we loved each other greatly.
And we didn't want kids, and I was very, very clear from about the second date on that item. So 7 years later I have this amazingly unhappy woman who finally admitted she always thought I would change my mind. And I hadn't. So I gave her back my wedding band and asked her to find something who would raise a family with her. We both knew that wasn't me. So she remarried, and after all kinds of expensive testing, found out that she could not bear children. Hmmmm.

Ok, now divorced for the first time, still in love with a truly broken heart, my BIL, trying to be helpful, introduced me to his admin gal who had three kids and was full of fun. We were married nine months later.
I think I just wanted to be loved, and those kids treated me so well. And vice versa, the kids were never the problem.
It was the woman I married who turned out to be impossible to live with in a atmosphere of distrust because she lied so much. It was quickly apparent I had made a huge mistake. So I get the big donger on that one.
And now wife number three has passed away. I think I get a pass on her.

So three times is sure possible outside of Hollywood.

I'm the only person in my family who has ever been divorced, much less twice.
But I have to wonder how I'd ever get past the first restaurant dinner out when the question about prior marriages always comes up.

Oh, you've been married THREE times Drew. BONG! The trap door trips and I fall into the cellar and am washed out with the food scraps...:D
 
   / Female advice needed
  • Thread Starter
#63  
well at least as I was getting flushed away, I was able to snag an untouched creme brulee, and a half full bottle of
a nice New Zealand sauvignon blanc. So overall, not a bad evening.;)

though maybe next time I'll just mention the last wife...that might work better. Ya think?

actually, I think we should just talk about tractors. what could be more interesting?
 
   / Female advice needed #64  
....

I'm the only person in my family who has ever been divorced, much less twice.
But I have to wonder how I'd ever get past the first restaurant dinner out when the question about prior marriages always comes up.

Oh, you've been married THREE times Drew. BONG! The trap door trips and I fall into the cellar and am washed out with the food scraps...:D

:laughing::laughing::laughing: When I was younger, I certainly thought that way and I would have pushed the button on the trap door if I was seeing a woman who had been married three times. :D:D:D But as I got older and lived, you realize scat happens and your story makes my point. First marriage ends and maybe because you both were too young. The radio show I mentioned has people call in all of the time, who while dating, saw an issue with the other person but they figured they could fix/change the other person with time and they got married. Very seldom can one change another person over major issues.

Some people are bad or do bad things after one is married. Things that kills a marriage and one would be a fool to stay married. Sometimes people marry too young and don't have the maturity they need to handle life. Or they marry and should not have in the first place. Then there there are illnesses or accidents. Life happens.

I myself am no longer so quick to judge someone on how many marriages they have had. Scat happens in life. Usually a lot of scat. One is really danged lucky if they can get through a life without a lot of drama.

A friend of mine is getting divorced after 15ish years of marriage. It stinks but he has made the right decision. Before he was married, his wife was raped and she never successfully dealt with the mental trauma. He knew about the rape, and being a Marine, figure he could fix the problem. In spite of all of the visits to shrinks, group therapy, workshops, etc., she refuses to acknowledge that she has a problem and thus she cannot heal. Frankly, he should be made Saint for what he put up with for many years. His son made a mistake one day, not a big deal though someone could have gotten hurt and my friend chewed his son out. He said he went all DI on his son and chew his fanny. He realized that his going all DI was because of the stress caused by the problems in the marriage and his son's action just set him off. He moved out of the house within 24 hours.

I think he made the right decision no matter how painful it is to leave his wife who he still loved as well as his kids. But he realized that she refuse to do what needs to be done to heal and that she is destroying his life and hers and this was affecting the kids. The best possible choice of action at this point was to leave and get divorced. He had tried everything else. It was a hard and painful decision but the right one. His mistake though, was thinking he could change/fix her...

Hopefully, I will never be looking for a new wifey, I kind alike the one I got. :thumbsup::laughing::laughing::laughing: She is a good snake killer. :D:D:D But if I have to go a look'n, I won't be so quick to judge the other person over the number of marriages they have had. Details are important. Now if the person was 21 and had been married three times that is a different story! :laughing::laughing::laughing: But I don't think I will be looking to marry a 21 year old! :shocked::laughing::laughing::laughing:

Later,
Dan
 
   / Female advice needed
  • Thread Starter
#65  
well, this time I got smart and holed up in the office. The ladies are back, going through a mountain of clothes and then bagging them based on where they are going. One place takes underwear, I think the battered women's clinic, so I took it all, washed it again, and packed it up. My wife was not into playful wear, so no fun stuff discovered, though if I threw a handful up and it rained down bras on my head, well better than raindrops right?....groan. My sister helped me for four hours this morning and we got everything organized for the current second shift to arrive.

And remember the coach bag that the ladies were fighting over? Well, the first words out of the SIL's mouth was that she could not stand being near the sister now. They came in separate cars. Why, well..........SIL overhears sister complaining to her mother that SIL got the 300 dollar bag and she got all the cheap stuff. And then SIL saw red.

And they are working away together, grinding their teeth I'm sure, but this time, I'm staying away until they are all done.
Speak now or hold your peace. And may peace return to the kingdom...
but until then, No, for the sixth time, I have not seen any hat boxes. NO hat boxes.

any of you want to stop over for a cold one and while away a few hours until they leave?
Good thing is I don't think either of them is armed...:shocked:

It's totally clear now that my wife stopped throwing away clothing about twenty years ago and it's all here from then on.
Now I don't think the evening gowns and swimwear are going to be a big hit at the shelters, so fancy stuff is going to the second hand stores locally with the money going to charity in her name.

what i really want to do is curl up and take a nap and that just isn't going to happen.
 

Tractor & Equipment Auctions

2016 Ford F-150 Ext. Cab Pickup Truck (A50323)
2016 Ford F-150...
2015 MACK GU713 WINCH TRUCK (INOPERABLE) (A50854)
2015 MACK GU713...
2018 FREIGHTLINER 1085D DUMP TRUCK (A51406)
2018 FREIGHTLINER...
DODGE PICKUP BUMPERS (3) (A50854)
DODGE PICKUP...
1 guard rail (A49346)
1 guard rail (A49346)
2003 STERLING ACTERRA 11FT FLAT BED (A51222)
2003 STERLING...
 
Top