Funeral Costs

[BackRoad]

Mr. MoKelly, my thoughts are with you and your family.

With my 91 year old Mom passing away 3 months ago, I still think of her often, as you will likely think of your Dad very frequently over the next couple of months.

I gained a new appreciation for her as we met people she had known before she died.

I hope you have a similar experience with your Dad's passing and find peace.

 

[GeneV]

My father passed last Saturday. He lived in Memphis but will be buried in STL in an already purchased plot next to my mom.

We had to make all the arrangements. Holy cow folks!

- casket $5500

- transport to STL $3000

- Memphis funeral home $3200

- STL funeral home $2200

- burial $1500

- flowers $800

- reception food $800

Original death certificates are $50 each. You need lots of original death certificates. Every POD wants an original.

Those are the big items. Lots of little stuff. Church ministers, choir and servers want their money in cash in an envelope.

My dad had put away the money for all the costs. That isn’t an issue. Nevertheless, it’s something to experience and it’s not a great experience.

I’d say if you haven’t prearranged everything, you should seriously consider.

MoKelly

All those prices are astronomical, but I'm sorry for your loss, MoKelly. I tell my wife, if I go before her, just skip the party, have me cremated, put me in an urn on the shelf.

Recently here in the Chicago area, there were 2 brothers in a bit of trouble coz they buried their mother and sister in their backyard (standard inner-ring suburban yard, read: tiny) to save money.

 

[newbury]

Mo, sorry for the loss.
But it brings up a good thread. Death comes to all of us.
Planning for it is often difficult and put off to "later".

Wills are great, but they need an executor (or more) to do it right.
I've mentioned before my wife being an attorney and her being an executor for many of the "family" estates.
Usually she shared duties with another person.
If the estate is of any size multiple executors are often needed to get the job done, and they need to get along. One of our relatives, an uncle, was wealthy but did not trust banks. He had the habit of establishing bank accounts with a few thousand dollars or so. They must have spent weeks tracing down the funds and filling out paperwork. It took about 2 years to get the estate finally settled.

 

[Torvy]

Mo, sorry for the loss.
But it brings up a good thread. Death comes to all of us.
Planning for it is often difficult and put off to "later".

Wills are great, but they need an executor (or more) to do it right.
I've mentioned before my wife being an attorney and her being an executor for many of the "family" estates.
Usually she shared duties with another person.
If the estate is of any size multiple executors are often needed to get the job done, and they need to get along. One of our relatives, an uncle, was wealthy but did not trust banks. He had the habit of establishing bank accounts with a few thousand dollars or so. They must have spent weeks tracing down the funds and filling out paperwork. It took about 2 years to get the estate finally settled.

This can be important. My mom's family farm was both a Homestead Act and a Timber Culture Act parcel (320 AC for those plus more acquired over time, less some sold off as the area grew) Grandpa had 8 kids 7f +1m. The 1m, was 7th, but being the only boy, was named executor. His idea was to put the proceeds of the estate into his business... incidentally, the IH business he shared with my dad (brothers-in-law). This was 1980 and farm related businesses were hit even harder than the rest of the economy. 100 years of family blood, sweat, and tears gone due to the hubris of one man.

The moral of the story, try to find an executor who is not family and be specific enough in your will to ensure your estate is dispensed as you wish.

 

[newbury]

The moral of the story, try to find an executor who is not family and be specific enough in your will to ensure your estate is dispensed as you wish.

At least find an executor that will do what you want. And keep things updated as you age and important things change. Most of our executors my wife worked with were "family". And generally the overall family agreed with the estate distribution.

 

[TractorGuy]

Sorry for your loss.

I ran into similar costs when my mother passed. Back then the most expensive coffin was about $2700 if I remember correctly. They had it right inside the door of room all the models were on display in. All the other, less expensive, coffins looked more like see something at a custom car show. Of course we paid for the classier looking unit. Then you need to get the concrete vault to put it in for another grand. We were out $9000 by the end.

Wife and I recently looked into prepaid cremation.

The wife talked to a funeral home 3 counties away that would pick up and get us cremated for $900 each. They currently have to take the body to a crematorium in another county. The price included a minimum required container for the ashes.

I found a local place that has their own furnace and does one stop service. For $1250 they pick up the body, cremate, supply container, and get 2 certified death certificates.

All of these places claim the money goes into an INSURED trust fund that most funeral homes use and will accept in the event the signing company isn't around when you die.

We are going to get option 2 and pay a little extra for more certified death certificates. That price was the only possible variable and they said any money not used would return to the next of kin. We don't want our only daughter to have to make these decisions when we go.

I told the wife and daughter not to bother with my ashes unless they just need something to cling on to.

We have two different options for placement of memorial or burial if we wanted to go that route.

 

[Richard]

Condolences to those who have lost a loved one.

My mother was a nurse. She began her career in a teaching hospital. She loved to help others. As her time was drawing near, I was thinking of these expenses and how it's their last chance to dip into your wallet at a very vulnerable time in your life.

So it dawned on me.... what if we donate mothers body to science. She can now, as her last gesture, use her body to help & train someone.

I am absolutely 100% convinced that she would have LOVED this idea. I went so far as to get the paperwork, DISCUSSED it with Mom (who had dementia so I had some pause if she 100% understood or only 54% understood what I said however, she DID sign the donation forms)

As a side benefit, when they are done with the body (I understand it to be about a year process) they will cremate the body and return it to you or, more likely, you can maybe go to them to pick it up. I've heard different scenarios. Essentially no costs for the process, the 'cost' is the donation.

None the less.... this was brilliant. I mentioned it to my older sister who was neutral on it....she was ok if we did or didn't do that. I brought it up to my younger sister who was HORRIFIED about the idea and though she didn't display any emotional tantrums, you could tell it had that kind of effect on her and she found it quite disturbing.

So, we did a simple cremation.

Mom had been in the nursing home for 10 years so she had no estate left other than her investment accounts that I was taking care of to fund the nursing home.....so there was little need/concern at this point to worry about her Will. Her investment account had us down as beneficiaries so her Will was not necessary.

Months after she was gone, I was cleaning some stuff out and came across her Will. As a bit of my own private memorial service with her, I read her will page by page.

As it happened, she specifically stated in there that she wanted her body to be donated to science so in a sense, I failed her. She's gone now, I live with that in my own mild torment, but I've not mentioned that to either of my sisters as there's no sense in them sharing in any of that potential regret.

Still, for those who aren't tormented about the idea of donating a (or your) body to science, that can alleviate some or all of the costs.

 

[Bird]

Richard, I don't know how things are elsewhere, but some time ago I checked into the possibility of donating my body when I die and did not like what I learned. At that time, everything I found indicated that the school or research facility had to be notified within so many hours of the death, they might or might not then take the body. Things that would cause them to decline was a body that was over weight OR under weight by too much, death was from certain contagious diseases, etc. etc. So I figured if I signed up to donate my body, then they declined to take it, my heirs would be unexpectedly stuck with having to make rapid decisions, have unexpected expenses, etc.

So . . . , having a son-in-law who is a mortician, funeral director, funeral home manager, my wife and I both have prepaid for our cremation, urns we selected, a niche in a columbarium, etc. AND I have indicated via the Texas Department of Public Safety, Drivers License division, that if any usable parts are needed, or can be used, from my carcass they can certainly be taken and used.

Incidentally, I know nothing about other funeral homes, but our son-in-law has most of their prices posted on their website. Naturally, prices for things such as caskets can vary depending on the particular one chosen, transportation charges can vary depending on distance, flowers can vary depending on what is chosen, etc. etc.

So if you think funerals are expensive, I agree. Isn't nearly everything expensive now-a-days? But do you think you could provide such a service, vehicles, employees, facilities, etc. for less?

 

[beowulf]

Good post - certainly some things to think about and do - having things arranged would be a nice parting gift.

I would add that anything that would take some part of the burden off of your family would also be in order. I have a packet labeled "Just in Case" with financial info, who to notify (non-family), passwords, account info, insurance info, a list of bills we pay and what to pay and stop paying, combinations to fire safe and gun safe, subscriptions, what to cancel, where important files are, and a lot more. I update it from time to time, and always before we travel. They all know where it is. From time to time something else will come to mind so I will drop a note in the folder.

And, I also have a draft obituary with what I considered to be important to say. I guess I want some control even after death.

 

[newbury]

It's an INDUSTRY. After I'm dead I don't think it will matter to me if I'm buried or burned. I'm pretty sure any of my children could use my backhoe to dig a suitable grave on my land and bury me when I'm gone. Based on the OP's prices that would save the family about $15K.