Gotta do what ya gotta do...

[Richard]

My house is in TN. I'm currently living/working in Florida and the wife is back at the house.

I have a 7' Woods RFM. Her uncle who lives next door (and has NO business anymore on any of the machinery) is 94 years old and becoming ....shall I simply say, somewhat absent minded.

She's cutting the field in front of our house. Her uncle was kneeling by the field watching her....or so she thought.

What he was actually doing was waiting for her to finish thinking that he was still capable of driving the tractor and the rest of the farm needed bush hogged.

She gets off, says hi to him & goes inside. Seems he does remember how to start the tractor. He jumps on, fiddles with the loose wires under the dash to spark it to life.

He then proceeds to go out and do some bush hogging. I understand he also cut some areas where some timber was cut (can we all say pine tree stumps?) He then ran out of diesel and walked back to the house, forgetting where he left the tractor.


I get a call the other day from the wife. The tractor had been retrieved and refueled by her cousin. Seems the mower smoked out on her while she was cutting the field again. I think she said she got about half of it done before it started making some weird noises and had a clunk. Her cousin took the mower off to fix the belt.

Turns out the center spindle had smashed bearings and was basically flopping loose in the wind. I don't know what all is really wrong with it. He gave me a basic rundown.

He took several parts of it off, realized he could not fix that spindle so took it to the shop.

I'm getting an estimate from the shop for about $600. I said go ahead & fix it. I also said to simply make it field ready so when he picked it up, it was ready to go. (turns out the original belt was FINE and he had it at home, this was basically a decision to buy a new belt and give us a spare)

I told him what I said and he said they can't put it together yet because HE still had some of the parts.

HUH???

I call them back and without knowing to this moment what parts he's holding (idlers? side spindles?) it dawned on me that they might be ordering parts to make it 'field ready' like I asked when SOME of those expensive parts are in his hands.

He said he figured they might give a discount if he took it to them disassembled and didn't have to waste their time taking it apart. I said maybe they would do the opposite and look at that as an opportunity to fix "everything" and charge more!!

He said he never thought of that.

He said he'd take the parts over that very morning (yesterday).

I've not yet heard back from them with a final bill amount. I'm hoping he had a couple hundred dollars worth of parts in his hands. I'm really just glad I had the thought to ask some of the things I did or I would have simply paid the bill not knowing that I could have paid for parts that were 100% not needed.

Wife thinks her uncle might have contributed to the circumstance when he took the "bush hog" out to cut the farm. I said it didn't matter. He certainly had no idea what he was doing and was only trying to help. I also pointed out that this mower is perhaps 8/10 years old (I bought it used) and the part might have blown up on its own. We'll never know and I'm not going to let that become an issue.

Sure sucks though. I have a sneaking feeling that if I were there cutting the field like I usually did..... all would be fine right now.

 

[Robert_in_NY]

I know how you feel, my grand father was that way and he always wanted to help and even though his help usually cost us more hassles then it saved it was worth it. He would leave gates unlocked, one time he tried to help calm the deer down when they were scared by a dog and in his attempt to help he opened the gate to go in and they all ran out (took us a week to retrieve most of them, the last doe returned on her own over a month later and we found her trying to find a way in to the pen). Well eventually his doctor told him to stop helping around our farm and he actually listened to the doctor. He lived about one month and passed away. I am fortuanate my daughter had a chance to know him even though she wasn't too old (around 4) but she does remember him and has nothing but fond memories.

My other grand father is reaching this stage as well now. He works with us almost every day and again he actually costs us more headaches then he saves but he loves to help and being able to be around him almost daily is well worth the few mistakes that actually cost us some money. There is nothing worse then feeling like you have no purpose in life. I felt that way after breaking my back. I was useless and it was around 6 weeks before I was able to walk on my own (with the use of a cane, upgraded from a walker) without needing someone to walk with me. I couldn't take a bath or shower on my own that entire time either. I couldn't take care of my daughter or my own house and had to move in with my parents. It was a terrible time for me and not something I would wish upon anyone. People need to feel useful and have a purpose in life.

I believe you handled this situation great, I am glad no one was injured as well but its not an easy subject to bring up when he is that age and wants to feel useful and help out. Maybe some chickens or some other small item like that would be good to keep him occupied with a light chore. Feeding/watering, collecting eggs, keeping the pen cleaned. Just something for him to look forward to on a daily basis.

 

[Zebrafive]

I agree you are handling right by not making an issue of the Uncle using the tractor mower.

Just write it off as one of the costs of working away from home in FL.

 

[TripleR]

I know how you feel, my grand father was that way and he always wanted to help and even though his help usually cost us more hassles then it saved it was worth it. He would leave gates unlocked, one time he tried to help calm the deer down when they were scared by a dog and in his attempt to help he opened the gate to go in and they all ran out (took us a week to retrieve most of them, the last doe returned on her own over a month later and we found her trying to find a way in to the pen). Well eventually his doctor told him to stop helping around our farm and he actually listened to the doctor. He lived about one month and passed away. I am fortuanate my daughter had a chance to know him even though she wasn't too old (around 4) but she does remember him and has nothing but fond memories.

My other grand father is reaching this stage as well now. He works with us almost every day and again he actually costs us more headaches then he saves but he loves to help and being able to be around him almost daily is well worth the few mistakes that actually cost us some money. There is nothing worse then feeling like you have no purpose in life. I felt that way after breaking my back. I was useless and it was around 6 weeks before I was able to walk on my own (with the use of a cane, upgraded from a walker) without needing someone to walk with me. I couldn't take a bath or shower on my own that entire time either. I couldn't take care of my daughter or my own house and had to move in with my parents. It was a terrible time for me and not something I would wish upon anyone. People need to feel useful and have a purpose in life.

I believe you handled this situation great, I am glad no one was injured as well but its not an easy subject to bring up when he is that age and wants to feel useful and help out. Maybe some chickens or some other small item like that would be good to keep him occupied with a light chore. Feeding/watering, collecting eggs, keeping the pen cleaned. Just something for him to look forward to on a daily basis.

Great post; been down that road myself. We need to value these family members and not just "tolerate" them. I treasure the memories of "working" with my father and father in law throughout their lives.

We all need to keep in mind that someday we will be the ones trying to help.

 

[Richard]

Some good comments. I kind of figured we'd all have a similar outlook.

 

[creekbend]

Patience and understanding are the fundamental issues that we should all adhere to. If we live long enough, many of us will experience the same conditions. Thanks for posting.

 

[kebo]

Good thread. I can identify with it some. My dad is soon to be 82 and he still thinks he can cut the grass in the yard on the riding mower. Almost every time he gets on it something happens. Twice he has bent the steering rod. A couple of times he has gotten it stuck in the drainage ditch that is between the edge of their yard and the paved road. It's not deep enough to flip it, but you can get it stuck if the grass is wet, and you're not careful what you are doing. There are two road signs (with metal posts) along one edge of the yard (their house is a corner lot located at an intersection) and the signs are just wide enough if you go through it straight on, you can make it just fine. One day I watched him try to go through it at an angle at full speed. It got wedged between the posts, flipped the hood up, almost threw him off of it, and stalled the motor out! I swear I thought I was going to have to pull one of the road signs up to get it out of there, but I finally managed to work it free. That was how the steering rod got bent one time. At least after that happened he did say, "I'll never do that again"!!

I got on it yesterday to cut grass and noticed one the halogen lights I had installed on the front bumper on it had the glass lens all busted up. No clue what he ran over/into to bust that lens out!

I love my dad, and he means well, but he just isn't quite "all there" to operate a riding mower. Yet, he will tell you that he can cut grass. I would hate to tell him to stay off of it, that would hurt his feelings, and like Robert said it gives him more purpose around the house. What do you do?

 

[TripleR]

I love my dad, and he means well, but he just isn't quite "all there" to operate a riding mower. Yet, he will tell you that he can cut grass. I would hate to tell him to stay off of it, that would hurt his feelings, and like Robert said it gives him more purpose around the house. What do you do?

If we are lucky enough to live long enough things like this are all but inevitable. There comes a time when hurt feelings are preferred over an injury to a loved one and/or others. My wife's grand father came to this point and they had to take the truck and tractor keys away from him. It was truly a sad situation. Even then, he managed to set himself on fire burning the trash and lost a leg.

It is really hard to "become the parent", but if/when that happens do so with as much sensitivity as possible keeping in mind the end goals.

As mentioned in another thread, I have already told my wife and children to tell me when I am slipping and if I don't listen, do whatever it takes for safety. I gave my motorcycle to my son this year and quit using chain saws, but I imagine a time will come when someone else will have to tell me, "it's that time dad." These things really need to be discussed before they become an issue.

Best wishes for you and your family.

 

[Ken]

My farmer neighbor recently lost his wife to cancer. so the hay bailing was late to get started . His childran and Grand kids decided to help with the cutting and bailing of the fields.
Mentioned to us sure hope the kids returned home soon there tearing up the mowers rakes and bailers. going to cost more for repairs than can get for the poorly bailed hay.
He is in his late 70's and going strong.
ken

 

[Richard]

What do you do?

My mother seems to be in the early stages of demensia. Being 80, all she has time to do is play on her PC, read all the emails that get blasted out and forward those zillions of emails "This is HYSTERICAL, you MUST forward this to at least TEN people and good luck will follow you"

She has gone through about four brand new computers in maybe 5 years where they keep slowing down on her (perhaps virus??)

She'll call me at work sounding literally like a frustrated 6 year old who's erector set won't work and is about to cry. I spend 60/90 minutes on the phone trying to talk her through the steps of "do #1, then 2, then 3" only to have her say "Well, I did (insert item 53) and I don't know what I'm looking at, now it's not working at all"

It became very frustrating and I found myself getting a bit short and a bit curt with her however, I always tried to hold my true frustrations back so she couldn't see them.

Suddenly one day... perhaps the day of my acceptance?.... she called with another story and I was glad to have the call. Took all the time she needed to try to fix her problem (she ended up buying another PC) and I was not 'put out' by the call at all. None, zero, nada, zip.

Ever since then my tolerance for her has gone back to 100% and my intolerance to these frustrating calls has gone to 0%. I've taken all of the calls in stride, taken whatever time needed to go through her problem with her.

I figure there will come a day when I'll look back and laugh at the times she was calling about her keyboard and while trying to fix her keyboard over the phone with her, she's scurried off to the side and removed the processor or memory from the motherboard. (merely an example to illustrate how disconnected her reactions to my instructions were)

I suppose we all have to find our own ways to deal with these things. It isn't necessarily easy as we witness before us, a path that might also befall us.