Hobart, welcome to TBN. As I'm very fond of saying, it's not just about tractors. I hope you enjoy this place as much as I do.
John
And Mike:
There's a fine line between "attacking" and gently saying what you would like.
One of my favorite examples is to consider the situation in which someine happens to be standing on your foot. How you respond is up to you. You could respond in anger, call the person names, like "clumsy, inconsiderate" or worse, and push him away from you, or you could simply say something like "excuse me, you might not be aware of it, but you're standing on my foot. Since it's causing me some measure of discomfort, could you please remove your foot from atop mine? Thanks."
As in that case, we sometimes deem it necessary to express our desires to another person. This does not constitute an "attack", in my opinion. "Attacks" are characterized by negative adjectives or derogatory terms like "blather", "deep end", "bad opinions", "cover-up", "back-tracking" .......
Yes, I do have the right to kindly, gently and respectfully say how I feel. And I can't, and don't demand that anyone be any particular way, or react any particular way to what I say. All I can do is gently ask people to consider the benefits of being a certain way.
In a similar vein, I don't have the power to order anyone to buy a particular model of tractor. But if I have the right to express my opinion about what tractor someone might consider buying, I also think I have the right to express my opinion about how someone might want to think about conducting his life. Neither is a command or a judgment, just an opinion that can be considered, or politely rejected. I ask only that no matter what opinion I express, on whatever subject, it be responded to in a manner that is devoid of anger, hostilty and judgment.
We all know the Golden Rule. Do you really like it when someone attacks you? Well, same here.
In one of your previous posts, you referred to Rule #8:
"Be friendly, courteous and respectful of other members, as well as the entire TBN community".
Where does referring to someone's thoughts as "blather" fit into that rule?
In that same post, you made this comment:
"I have been a member of several groups, including a BMW motorcycle group, and EVERY SINGLE TIME synthetic vs dino comes up, the discussion degenerates into a fracas. Snide, backhanded, self-righteous, mean-spirited "comments" that eventually get the moderator involved, with the inevitable hurt feelings".
Substitute "peaceful coexistence" for "synthetic vs. dino". I am not intending to characterize your comments as "snide, backhanded, self-righteous, or mean-spirited". That is the very type of thing that I do not like, and do my best not to engage in, and encourage others not to engage in. I am merely stating that they do not feel good to me, just as it would not feel good if someone were inadvertantly standing on my foot. Does this constitute being "self-righteous"? I sure hope not, but I'm open to kind, non-judgmental input on that subject, or any other. I just think that a person can be "right" without being "righteous". Do I think it is "right" to be kind, loving, forgiving, peaceful and compassionate? Yes I do.
I'm kindly asking you, metaphorically, if you could please not stand on my foot. If you take this as an attack on you, there's little I can do to make you feel any other way than how you feel; how you feel is up to you. But I do reserve the right to make polite requests of you, and if the requests are kind enough, and gentle enough, and yes, loving enough, and are within your power to grant me, then maybe we can have a "win-win" situation, and live together in peace. To me, that's one of the main things that life is all about ... right after tractors, of course.
John
