... However, I also know that lint, coffee grounds, and water treatment backwash salts and minerals are very bad for septic drainfields.....
How do you know water softener backwash is bad for septic drainfields?
Do you know how many gallons of backwash your water softener generates?
Do you know how often your water softener re-generates?
Since your septic system is new, isn't there a filter on it to prevent lint and undigested paper products and such from getting to the drain field?
As long as all bathroom fluids (sinks, tubs, showers) go into the system, you should have enough to keep it running. The rest (kitchen, laundry, etc.) aren't needed.
Most people have never had their water tested, and have their water softeners set to use too much salt for their needs. Have the water tested and set the softener properly.
I occasionally stay with some friends when I'm in their town on business. I've mentioned a couple times that their system is turned up too high - I never feel rinsed no matter how long I'm under the shower after washing. He maintains it's at the right setting but he's never had the water tested (city water, not sure where he's getting the setting but it's not worth "proving" one way or another).