?????? GROAN

[Frankenkubota]

How about Henny Youngman . . .

Guy walks into a bank and says, "This is a Screw-up"
Teller: "You mean a Stick-up"
"No, It's a Screw-up. I forgot my gun.

(I cleaned that up a little. Reads funnier in the original version.)


What about Mom's Mabley? Remember her?

She said, "Making love to my husband is like pushing a car up a hill . . . . . . . . With a rope."

One of the best lines in the movies.....Mrs Doubtfire was explaining to the younger girl about marital affairs.

She said.....Mr Doubtfires idea of fore play was......" brace yourself".

I'm laughing just writing it.

 

[Pixguy]

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN GUILTY OF LOOKING AT OTHERS YOUR OWN AGE AND THINKING, SURELY I CAN'T LOOK THAT OLD?


MY NAME IS ALICE SMITH AND I WAS SITTING IN THE WAITING ROOM FOR MY FIRST APPOINTMENT WITH A NEW DENTIST. I NOTICED HIS DENTAL DIPLOMA, WHICH BORE HIS FULL NAME.

SUDDENLY, I REMEMBERED A TALL, HANDSOME, DARK HAIRED BOY WITH THE SAME NAME HAD BEEN IN MY SECONDARY SCHOOL CLASS SOME 30-ODD YEARS AGO.

COULD HE BE THE SAME GUY THAT I HAD A SECRET CRUSH ON, WAY BACK THEN?

UPON SEEING HIM, HOWEVER, I QUICKLY DISCARDED ANY SUCH THOUGHT.

THIS BALDING, GREY HAIRED MAN WITH THE DEEPLY LINED FACE WAS FAR TOO OLD TO HAVE BEEN MY CLASSMATE. AFTER HE EXAMINED MY TEETH, I ASKED HIM IF HE HAD ATTENDED MORGAN PARK SECONDARY SCHOOL .

'YES, YES I DID. I'M A MORGANNER! 'HE BEAMED WITH PRIDE.

'WHEN DID YOU LEAVE TO GO TO COLLEGE?' I ASKED

HE ANSWERED, IN 1965. WHY DO YOU ASK?

'YOU WERE IN MY CLASS!' I EXCLAIMED.

HE LOOKED AT ME CLOSELY.

THEN THE UGLY,

OLD,

BALD,

WRINKLED,

FAT ARSED,

GREY HAIRED,

DECREPIT,

BASTARD ASKED..

'WHAT DID YOU TEACH?'

 

[CH4Ohio]

Dolly is most certainly not dumb!

MoKelly

Dolly Parton used to say, "Shoot Honey, it costs a lot of money to look this cheap."

She is the queen of self-deprecating humor.

 

[MoKelly]

Dolly Parton used to say, "Shoot Honey, it costs a lot of money to look this cheap."

She is the queen of self-deprecating humor.

No question. She is a treasure.

MoKelly

 

[czechsonofagun]

;

 

[czechsonofagun]

I have a friend who tried to take a selfie in the shower, but the image was too blurry.

She has selfie steam issues.

 

[kenmbz]

ok, thats a groaner!

 

[2LaneCruzer]

;

That's **********! As a father of two girls, I am at a loss for words.

 

[MoKelly]

I have a friend who tried to take a selfie in the shower, but the image was too blurry.

She has selfie steam issues.

It took me a while but I just got it. Good play on words.

MoKelly

 

[Pixguy]

This morning I received a phone call from a gorgeous ex-girlfriend who called 'out-of-the-blue' to see if I was still around. We lost track of time, chatting about the wild, romantic times we used to enjoy together.

I couldn't believe it when she asked if I'd be interested in meeting up and rekindling a little of that "old magic." I was flabbergasted.

"I don't know if I could keep pace with you now," I said, "I'm a bit older and a bit grayer and balder than when you last saw me. Plus I don't really have the energy I used to have."

She just giggled and said she was sure I would "rise to the challenge" "Yeah." I said. "Just so long as you don't mind a man with a waistline that's a few inches wider these days! Not to mention my lack of muscle tone...stuff sagging, my teeth not as white and jowls like a Great Dane!

She laughed and told me to stop being so silly. She teased me, saying that tubby, gray-haired, older men were cute, and she was sure I would still be a great lover.

Then she giggled, "I've put on a few pounds myself!"

So I hung up on her!