The stepson- locked up the engine in the jeep on his first solo, exactly 1/2 mile from home, in the middle of an intersection, and was pi$$ed cause nobody stopped to help him, he had his 4 way flashers on.
Got him a Pontiac LeMans, 4 cylinder to replace the Jeep.
Got the side scrubbed by an Old Woman (over 30) in a $39,000 Buick, while he was pulling into the bank drive up window. Naturally, I got to write the accident report for him (my job).
2 days after the Buick incident, he got the other side of the car ripped off in the school parking lot. Again, it was the other driver's fault, cause he had the right of way, and $1800 in damage. (I got to write the qaccident report) He was proud of his ability to talk the cop out of writing him a ticket for no brake light on his way home from school, and a bit pi$$ed at me for making him duct tape the light back onto the car, after all, he could talk his way out of another ticket.
First speeding ticket, 62 in a 45 zone on a 3 mile trip. He got pi$$ed at me for making him do the math of calculating how long he had to work at minimum wage to pay the ticket, as well as the math to determine exactly how much time he saved by going 62 instead of 45 for 3 miles.
Came home with 2 extra quarts of oil in the engine, the oil light came on, so he added more, didn't bother to check the dipstick, before or after adding the oil. He and his mother informed me it was my job to get the extra oil out.
Got 2 tickets on the way home from school, from a deputy who hates writing tickets, stop sign and tinted windows. I bought the deputy lunch.
Decided to change his own oil (my 30 weight) I didn't tell him, because I'm too dumb to know anything, other than how to fill out an accident report.
Walked home at 10 at night to inform me the [censored] oil pump crapped out in the Pontiac. When his mom asked how much gas he had, he assured her he had an additional day worth, the gague was only on E for a day. When I hauled him and the gas can back to the car, I asked why he left it in the dark, alongside the road, without any lights, like the dam flashers on. He informed me he didn't want to kill the battery. Oddly, adding a gallon of gas made the car run, and the oil light had only come on after the engine had died. Seems he couldn't hear the engine not running because of the stereo.
Blew the timing belt- same intersection as the Jeep. I didn't tell him but I think it might have been something to do with using 30 weight oil (mine).
His mom bought him a motor manual, and timing belt. I refused to help him work on his car ( I do the work, he hangs out). After 53 days of hauling him to and from work, his mother had the car towed to a shop. $263 to install a timing belt.
He bought a creampuff 64 Buick Riveara, BIG BLOCK, from his buddy's father. Buicks require ether to start in July, my ether naturally. Sent the Buick to a shop for carb rebuild and total lookover. He was told, find a new rear tranny mount, my buddy didn't have the time or inclination to hunt one up. The boy decided to pick the car up. He was told to drive it slowly, preferably to have it hauled.
6 miles from the shop, he put his foot in the firewall, going around a corner, and ripped a hole in the side of the tailshaft housing. The boy called his mom to send a tow truck. The Buick sat in the dooryard for 89 days, till his mom got the tranny mount. It sat another 5 months till his mom sent it to the tranny shop.
He took a roadtrip, in the Pontiac. Actually had the brains to pull under a bridge when the wipers crapped out [pipm dual blades didn't contribute to linkage failure]. He got 1 wiper going, and when he went to restart the car, the OIL LIGHT came on. He added 3 quarts of oil. When he finally got it running, it shook and bucked, so he shut it down and sat waiting for a Trooper to stop and get him a tow truck. [excellent opportunity to smoke a doobie]
$284 to get the car towed home to my dooryard. 8 hours later I pulled the dipstick. First time I ever had oil shoot up from the dipstick hole.
His mom bought him a Dodge dakota pickup, used, with extended warranty.
Boy drove the pickup to his buddy's. Pickup returned to my dooryard on a wrecker. Mom flew out the door, concerned her baby had been injured. She came back in the house releived she had bought him AAA membership and he wasn't hurt, he just couldn't get the truck to start at his buddy's house. I said NOTHING. Boy was running his mouth about the extended warranty.
The problem with the truck was very complex. The neutral safety switch needed adjustment. The dealer repaired it the next day. Mother informed her baby "I always heard dope makes you stupid, thanks for proving it".
THIS IS THE SHORT VERSION!
