I took a homeless guy to the house..

[StanR]

I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner.

I took out my wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked," If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"

"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.

"Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" I asked.

"No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said.."I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."

"Will you spend this on hunting equipment?" I asked.

"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't gone hunting in 20 years!"

"Well," I said, "I'm not going to give you money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a shower and a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."

The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that?


I replied, "Don't worry about that. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up drinking, fishing and hunting."

:laughing:

 

[wmonroe]

That's good

 

[kenmac]

I have have been asked for money more times than I can count. I will not give any money for gas, beer, smokes ,
, I won't even give any money for food. However, I will go and buy them something to eat and have many times

 

[buckeyefarmer]

funny, even my wife thought so.

 

[Ken Spence]

Good one.
As I get older, all of my friends have started sending me "old timer" jokes. I can relate to most of them but the one I got recently gave me an idea what I have to look forward to:
Three old timers are setting around the cafe table with their coffee and discussing their latest aches and pains when the youngster of the group says, "I tell ya, 60 has to be the worst age. I get up feeling like I need to pee and I go in to the bathroom and just stand there feeling stupid. I strain and wait and wait but I just can't go. It's awful."
The second gentleman pipes up and says "well sonny, I know what you're talkin' about. Been there, done that as they say, but you're wrong. 70 is the worst age. I go in to the bathroom cause I feel like I'm about to soil my pants and I just set there on the stool waiting. I try and try but I just can't have a bowell movement. It's just plain awful. I can't even take a good crap anymore without taking medicine for it."
Well the old timer just smiles and says "you kids have got it all wrong. 80 is definately the worst age.
The youngster of the group says " You mean you can't pee either?" "Oh no, thats no problem at all for me anymore" says the old timer. "Like the proverbial cow on a flat rock I tell ya, 6am every morning. Like clock work."
"Oh, so you've had to add prunes and fiber to your diet just like me, huh?" says the 70 year old.
"Nope" he says " thats not a problem either. 6:30 every morning I have a tremendous bowell movement. Completely cleans me out."
"Well it don't sound to us like 80 is all that bad at all" says the other two. " you have a good pee at 6 every morning and a cleansing poop by 6:30, what in the world could possibly be bad about being 80?"
The oldster takes a sip of his coffee, frowns and says.
...........
......
...
..
.
"Well I don't get up till 7".

 

[oosik]

D--n!! So that's what I have to look forward to at 80.

 

[MacLawn]

Hep me, hep me.... Them's good ones!

 

[Western]

D--n!! So that's what I have to look forward to at 80.

That and those "clap off, clap on" lights!

A couple of funny "reads":thumbsup:

 

[dmccarty]

Good one. ...
.
"Well I don't get up till 7".

Hep me, hep me.... Them's good ones!

Yeah, I almost lost my coffee on those two.

It was Ken's first post too!

Welcome to TBN Ken.

Later,
Dan

 

[Fi-Q]

Love it..... !!!