Internet and your children

HunterdonPaul · Aug 8, 2002

My 9 year old daughter has a computer in her room. It isn't connected to the internet and I have no plans on connecting it anytime soon. A person at work was surprised that I didn't let my daughter on the internet. I told her that at her age there was more bad out there than good. She (coworker) disagreed in a big way. She lets her 8 year old son on it frequently - unsupervised. I told her I didn't think that was a good idea.

So one day when my daughter had a project due at school, I suggested that we go and find some information on the internet. And yes there was alot of information there about her topic, but some of the trash (**** and other adult only oriented stuff)that we had to get through confirmed my hunch. My daughters surfing days will be with dad and mom for the forseeable future.

I was wondering what you all think. Am I being too protective of my daughter. I think not.

Paul

RanchMan · Aug 8, 2002

I do not think you are being over protective per se, however, there are various hardware/software additions/mods you can make to your system that will help to filter out a lot of the "junk." (Even IE has a "content advisor" option to help filter, which would be "free" to configure.)

Some of these things work pretty well. Computer skills are going to definitely be important to her in the future, along with research skills. It's a balancing act in that you don't necessarily want to "close the world" off from her, but you need to shield her from her seeing certain things, and even more importantly, shielding others from knowing "stuff" about her via conversations in chat rooms & such. (A BAD place for a child and most adults too!)

I'd suggest (just a suggestion, mind you) that you get/configure more filtering capabilities, lay down some explicit rules, and supervise all the time initially until you are confident you trust her for unsupervised times. You can also conduct "pop inspections" or look at history logs.

<font color=blue>I told her that at her age there was more bad out there than good</font color=blue>

I understand where you are coming from, but I can't say I agree. Even though there is a HUGE %age of "junk" on the Internet she should definitely NOT have access to at her age, there is a whole lot of "good" stuff out there too. It all boils down to "navigation skills" - in other words, if you look for it, you WILL find it - but if you don't, you can often avoid it entirely. It is VERY rare I come across something sexual in my "surfing" - simply because I don't look for it. The few times it does come up, it is most likely due to a typographical error on my part. (I have absolutely 0 filtering in play because I'm the only one who uses this machine and I don't want to limit myself on some of my searches - i.e. medical stuff )

The Internet is like anything else out there - a fantastic and useful tool, but one that can be misused as well depending on the person at the "other end." I'm not sure what her school is like, but I suspect that she either has access to the Internet there or over at a friends house. Like it or not, at some point she will become educated on how to access unscrupulous things on the web - just a fact of life. If you encourage responsible behavior early on, I think you will run in to fewer issues later (hopefully).

Just my $.02...

Ozarker · Aug 9, 2002

I think you are right on the money. I would no more allow a child that young to roam the internet unsupervised than I would let a child that young roam a mall alone.

That said, I would set aside ample time to surf the net with her as she showed an interest.

rancar · Aug 9, 2002

Paul...

<font color=blue>I was wondering what you all think. Am I being too protective of my daughter?</font color=blue>

Absolutely not!!!! You're correct in your initial assessment. The internet should only be used by those who have their senses quickened and sharpened to distinguish the difference between what's good and that which is bad. What amazes me is when one does a search on Google, Alta Vista, Yahoo or any other favorite search engine on seemingly innocent words or topics, there is always **** of some type that pops up in the search list. It's so easy to click on this and there goes your child, down the road of vice and degradation.

Regards,
Bob Ancar
Cambridge, NY

cowboydoc · Aug 9, 2002

I agree with you Ranchman. I believe in setting the rules for children and guiding them down a path of self-control. If something is wrong for my kids I explain to them in detail why it is wrong. I explain the consequences if such an action is done. Then it's up to them. If they screw up they pay the price. If they do the right things then they learn to be responsible. There is just too much out there to protect them from it all. But if they have a good base from which to make good decisions then I believe they will be better people later in life.

gws · Aug 9, 2002

So let me get this right. You lock your child up, never let her out of the house without you be right beside her? Thats the only way I can see that you can keep her off the internet. What your doing is keeping her off the internet at home. School, friends, librarys could have connectivity and she could be online.

If your concerned about where she could go on the internet from home there are a number of reasonable good filter programs available. Education about why some sites she should visit will have to protect her from the other access points.

Granted, I dont will not let my son surf unaided by himself. His computer is restricted by software to specific sites. He is still young enough that he is not going to get around the blocks. Its not hard to do but you have to put some trust in your child.

Dont fool yourself that keeping them off the computer is going to protect them from ****. Its been around since te beginning of time and will continue. Convienance is the issue now.

Jeff396 · Aug 9, 2002

We've sure come a long way from looking up dirty words in the dictionary and hunting down the latest National Geographics.

Every year we have a family reunion and my brother brings his teenage daughter (15 yrs old). She spends hours on the chat lines with "friends". What really disturbed me was that every time you walked near her, she would make the screen disappear. They didn't seem to think twice about it.

Was it here that I saw the story of the undercover cop cruising the chat lines seeing if he could get the kids to give away enough info that he could track them down? He would then show up at the home to let the parents know what was going on. Hopefully this was supposed to impress the child that it's not too hard to figure out where they live even though you don't give the address. Scary stuff!!!! It just can't be as much fun to be a kid, what with being watched all of the time, as it was even back in the 70's./w3tcompact/icons/frown.gif

Jeff

cowboydoc · Aug 9, 2002

A plus side to this was when we were doing the website for our ranch. A family friend helped us with all the design and did the really hard stuff. Mesa, my daughter, got to help her with alot of it and Linda showed her how you put everything together and such. When it was done Mesa's show and tell that day was to show the class the website that she had helped create. It was a huge hit at school and a source of tremendous pride for her. We work so much on the ranch that she doesn't hardly use the computer but that was a shining moment for her.

HunterdonPaul · Aug 9, 2002

I guess another part of my opinion is that there isn't enough value (with the exception of TBN) for my children to have "personal time" on the internet. My oldest is only 9. I wouldn't deprieve my kids from using computers. I don't think computer skills are all that hard to obtain. How many of us used computers as a tool as kids? We are all doing OK now...right?

As I said my 9 year old has a nice one in her room. She has application software that I chose for her. She watches DVDs that I approve of. I don't plan on keeping her away from the internet forever - I couldn't. I will occasionally surf the net with her (together). As time goes on I will give her more freedom on the internet. I just don't feel that a 9 year old has any business on it alone. She has too many other things to do.

IMHO,
Paul

MossRoad · Aug 9, 2002

In my opinion you are over reacting. Why don't you just give her the keys to the car and let her drive around the seedy part of town without any adult supervision and let her go into the bars and strip clubs to see what's inside for herself. Then I'm sure you can expect her to come home and ask you what is proper or not.... Yeah, right.

You are doing the right thing in my opinion. A nine year old is not capable of understanding the emotions brought on by viewing people having deviant sex, or normal sex for that matter. What about the hate mongers, racists, perverts, etc...

Just the thought of having your 9 year old accidently giving out personal information to a marketing firm should scare you off.

Besides, spending time exploring the world with your child is a chance that should not be missed. We put our computer in the living room where everyone can see it, we can interact with our children while they do their homework, and help them discover new things. And when its my turn on the PC, they get introduced to all the great folks here at TBN /w3tcompact/icons/smile.gif