My dilemma – the in-laws

[Mosey]

In a previous thread, “Why do you live where you live? (Rural Living forum)” I mentioned the problem of living in the "overnight guests" zone. I'm currently in that zone (175 miles). I'm convinced that it's the worst zone to be in. It's not far enough keep them (the in-laws) from visiting too often, but far enough that they stay at our house when they visit for a weekend or longer. I have to keep part of our living room as a guest room instead of using it for a hobby room or something I’d rather use it for (the house has a family room addition, which is where we have the TV, etc, so the original living room is now a den/guest room). I should have married someone from a wealthier family so they could at least afford a hotel when they visit. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t hate my in-laws. As a matter of fact, it’s nothing personal at all – they’re actually pretty nice folks. It’s just that I like my privacy. There are about 4 “standard” visits that they make every year. President’s Day weekend, Memorial Day weekend, Forth of July week (our twins birthday is July 5th) and Christmas week. Mixed in with that are quite a few other random weekends throughout the year. And of course, we make the trip up to see them fairly frequently also, although I have managed to cut back on that quite a bit because I got tired of spending my weekends on I-65 and at the in-laws. I realize someday I may be a grandfather and will want to visit my kids and grandkids, so I’m trying to keep and open mind (although I won’t mind staying at a hotel – the grandkids can go swimming, etc). But, when I got married I didn’t expect to be living with her parents nearly this often. It doesn’t help that my in-laws and I are complete opposites. It also doesn’t help that the “guest room” is right across the hall from the master bedroom and there is no door, it’s just an archway, plus our door needs to stay part way open so we can hear of the kids start crying in the middle of the night. So, privacy is pretty much non-existent (if you’re not getting my drift, please don’t ask me to spell it out!)

I’m about as fugal as they come, but I would gladly pay their hotel bill for them (seriously!), but my wife won’t even consider it. This whole thing is getting to be a real pain. It’s even taking it’s toll on my marriage, since my wife thinks I’m just being unreasonable. Am I?

The only solution we’ve been able to agree on is to build an addition. After tossing around several ideas, we decided the best thing to do is to build new bedrooms for the twins and convert one of them, the one farthest from the master bedroom, to a guest room (as far as the building inspector is concerned, it will be a den, since if we increase the number of bedrooms then the septic system will have to be modified). The other bedroom will become a much needed storage room. That will get the guest room out of the way and give everyone more privacy. Like I said, I would be willing to pay for their hotel room each time they visit since it would be much cheaper than this addition is going to cost!

Now for my dilemma. The new guest room will be much more comfortable than the one we have now. My in-laws will think that since I went to all this trouble for them, then I must have come around and really like them now and want them to visit more often! There’s no way to win this one!

 

[Knight9]

<font color=blue>It's not far enough keep them (the in-laws) from visiting too often...</font color=blue>

I hear Canada is a nice place to live!! /w3tcompact/icons/wink.gif/w3tcompact/icons/laugh.gif


Kevin

 

[Boondox]

Mosey -- Have you considered getting several large dogs? Something slobbery, wet and muddy that likes to sleep with guests? Just a thought, but ever since we got into golden retriever rescue our number of house guests has taken a serious hit!

Pete

 

[BKColeman]

/w3tcompact/icons/laugh.gif/w3tcompact/icons/laugh.gif/w3tcompact/icons/laugh.gif/w3tcompact/icons/laugh.gif

That's a killer post!! I would never had the nerve to put that in writing, much less on the internet, but I know the feeling.

I had the opposite problem until a year ago. My wife and I moved away from home to go to college and never left. Our home was 4 hours away from both sets of our parents. Too close to get out of making the trip but once a year; too far away to really be a day trip. So we had to spend the night every time we visited. Both sets of parents wanted us to stay with them, both got their feelings hurt at the mention of a hotel room. So we would alternate between nights. Not a good situation. So a year ago, we moved closer, within an hour or so of them. Close enough to never have to spend the night again, but far enough to rule out any unannounced visits. /w3tcompact/icons/wink.gif

As far as making them feel too comfortable, fill the new guest bedroom up with exercise equipment, or winter clothes storage. Then stick a bed that isn't too comfortable in a corner. /w3tcompact/icons/tongue.gif

We also did the dog thing. We already had two, then I added a German Shorthaired Pointer that just loves to lay on laps.

--Brad

 

[Mosey]

Hmmm. If I jumped on a treadmill 5 feet from their bed at 6am … That might work!

 

[TerryinMD]

Yes.... make sure you provide the least amount of comfort without being obvious. You want to show that you want to have them visit for a short time however, long term visits are encouraged - only if the vistor wants a backache.

The best piece of furniture to ensure this is to have a sofa bed. They are good for one night typically.

Good luck.

Terry

 

[Golfgar4]

<font color=blue>"The best piece of furniture to ensure this is to have a sofa bed."</font color=blue>

Naaaahhhh! The BEST piece of furniture to ensure this is a <font color=red>Futon!</font color=red> /w3tcompact/icons/wink.gif/w3tcompact/icons/laugh.gif

 

[rocky2]

In-laws...man, a no win situation for you. You're better off dealing with the IRS than a woman over her family. Betcha very few posts offering advice on this one...because every guy is in fear it could happen to them by osmosis or something. In fact, just because I read this I'm going to light the incense in front of the pagan idol to ward off the evil spirits.

 

[Harv]

I probably shouldn't say anything on this one, Mosey, but since I've been there, I can certainly sympathize.

When my wife and I first got married, we became subject to the occassional in-law invasion about as often as you are. I use the term "invasion" because we never invited them, they simply called and announced that they were coming on such and such a date and told us how long they were staying. /w3tcompact/icons/mad.gif

Now, was that harsh of us to never invite them in the first place? Not if you knew them (okay, mom-in-law was okay, but the ol' man was/is the kinda person nobody wants around for any period of time). I could go into great detail here, but you'll just have to trust me on this one. /w3tcompact/icons/tongue.gif

The amount of stress my wife went through with each visit was unbearable for all of us, and there was nothing anybody else in the family could do to alleviate the situation. It got so bad that she would start stressing several days before <font color=red>his</font color=red> arrival, continue during the actual visit and then it took her a day or two to recover. Fun, huh?

So, about the third year I decided that I couldn't stand it any more, as my wife was beginning her stress period by cleaning every molecule in the house, I took matters into my own hands and reserved a hotel room just a few miles away and told my wife that that's the way it was going to be. She argued half-heartedly for about 3 seconds, and gave in. The only real challenge fell to me, and that was to drop the bombshell on them when they arrived. I actually took a little sadistic pleasure in it, if you know what I mean. /w3tcompact/icons/grin.gif

Fact is, I just told them that we needed the space and had turned the guest room into a library/office (which later became fact). Mom-in-law thought it was a fine idea, but <font color=red>he</font color=red> put up an indignant protest. Too bad. I didn't offer an alternative.

Much to our delight and surprise, on the subsequent visits they made their own reservations and picked their own hotels and even paid for it themselves. Eventually, my wife's sister and her boyfriend bought a house together and were foolish enough to brag that they had a guest room. And it's just far enough away from us that we only have to get together for a few meals when the "guests" are in town. My wife is like a normal person again. /w3tcompact/icons/laugh.gif

So hang in there, Mosey. There's a law of equilibrium in this universe, and this, too, shall settle out.

 

[webbmeister]

For whatever privacy closing the door might afford, how about one of those wireless baby monitors? Less than $50, and you can hear everything that goes on in a child's room.