My dilemma – the in-laws

[Mosey]

"absence makes the heart grow fonder"

I think there is a lot of truth to that! I also think there is a lot of truth to the opposite "too much of anything can be bad".

We lived in Colorado for the first 5 years of our marriage (don't ask me why we left, it's not something I like to think about!). The in-laws visited once a year for a week and we visited them once a year for a half week then my parents for a half week. We got a long great and had a lot of fun when they visited. Partly because there is a lot of sight seeing in Colorado. Now that they are around so much, I guess I'm just getting tired of them. Like I said, it would help if we had more in common. Their idea of taking advantage of a sunny 75 degree Saturday is to go shopping. I figure that’s a good thing to do when it’s raining or 10 degrees outside, and save the nice days for doing stuff outside. Also, shopping for them is the mall, whereas for me it’s TSC, Home Depot, Menards, Best Buy, Sears, etc.

 

[Bird]

<font color=blue>don't think that had anything to do with the fact that they didn't live close to you</font color=blue>

Good point, Kevin, but I don't think so./w3tcompact/icons/laugh.gif

<font color=blue>Sure hope that was no reflection on your new bride</font color=blue>

No, Harv, we knew before we even thought about getting married that they were going to be moving someplace where Dad could do more huntin' and fishin'; just didn't expect it to be that far all./w3tcompact/icons/laugh.gif They had been talking about finding a place in eastern Oklahoma or western Arkansas, but after a 5 day visit to Alaska, they fell in love with it and took off. Then they tried to get us to move up there, too, and almost succeeded.

 

[crown]

Gary,
I guess we are in the minority, but I get along great with my in-laws also. My wife gets all worked up cleaning and I mean spotless when my folks come, I try to get her to calm down its not an inspection just a visit to see us and the kids. The kids sure love the grandparents and they have done so much for us throughout the years a few minor inconviences along the way in not too bad. I just keep reminding myself that I will be in there place one day and I hope my daughters are still as excited to see me when they are married with kids of their own as they are now when I get home from work.

 

[Mosey]

Gary - That's true, I might be in their place someday. But, if/when that happens I don't want to impose on them or whoever they marry. Remember, as kids get older they will become more independent. How often to your in-laws visit and how long to they stay?

 

[crown]

They come about every other month usally only stay for a week-end

 

[jhburke]

I found that if you have jobs that you expect them to do works real well to cut down the visits. Such as hey while I mow you can trim.

 

[Youare]

I know from experience the dynamics you are facing with
in-laws. For many years my in-laws were 70 miles away and we were compelled to visit them every weekend for the first 4 years of our marriage.

We had just bought a new house and I wanted to spend my weekends puttering around the house, but we had to go to her folks which was worse than them coming to our house.

My mother-in-law would never say anything negitive to me but she would complain to her daughter about me which put my wife in the middle.

If you build a place for them you will have use of the room for as long as you own the house. It seems like you need to sit down and talk the situation over with your wife and come to an agreement of what the time you need to spend with them while they are visiting you.

If you are required to be with them when they come to your house try slowly doing the things you need to do or want to do and pretty soon that will become normal for all concerned.

Good luck, playing with explosives is far less dangerous than what you are facing. remember your relationship to your family, wife and kids is far more important than the in-laws.

Randy

 

[Mosey]

Well, the in-laws are coming again this weekend (they’re averaging 2 weekends a month for the last 3 months!). They arrive Friday and I made hotel reservations for Friday night! It’s true, I really did it. But I didn’t have the guts to make the reservations for them – I made the reservations for me and my wife. As soon as the in-laws arrive, we’re leaving the kids with them for a night and we’re heading to the 8 Second Saloon in Indy for some dancing, then to a hotel for the night. My wife went along with it without a fight (although I was prepared to tell her I was going dancing with or without her!). Maybe they’ll get embarrassed by running me right out of my own house!

I’ll also try the “put them to work” suggestions. Pushing the trim mower, watering the garden, etc. Maybe even some painting, although I tried that once a few years ago and he painted my windows shut! I had a heck of a time getting them open again.

 

[butzkeg]

Now that's a good idea. You and the wife have a chance to get away, which for most people with kids is hard to do.

 

[Gary_in_Indiana]

Danny, I like that. Kind of a "win-win" deal. They get to see their grandkids and you get a nice break.

I still laugh when I think about one time we took our then very young children to my parents home. Our daughter was on Grandpa's lap and Grandma was doting over our son while their Mom and I just sat there.

Finally, I looked over at her and said, "So, how have you been?" /w3tcompact/icons/smile.gif I figured since no one else was going to talk to us or even acknowledge our presence we'd best chat amongst outselves. I swear whenever we took the kids over we could have set ourselves on fire and no one would have noticed. /w3tcompact/icons/smile.gif