One for all you Engineer types:)

[RobS]

Re: One for all you Engineer types, take II

YOU MIGHT BE AN ENGINEER
>>
>> If you introduce your wife as "mylady@home.wife"
>>
>> If your spouse sends you an e-mail instead of calling you to dinner
>>
>> If you can quote scenes from any Monty Python movie
>>
>> If you want an 12X CDROM for your birthday
>>
>> If Dilbert is your hero
>>
>> If you can name 6 Star Trek episodes
>>
>> If the only jokes you receive are through e-mail
>>
>> If your wrist watch has more computing power than a 486DX-50
>>
>> If you look forward to Christmas only to put together the kids' toys
>>
>> If you use a CAD package to design your son's Pine Wood Derby car
>>
>> If you have used coat hangers and duct tape for something other than
>> hanging coats and taping ducts
>>
>> If, at Christmas, it goes without saying that you will be the one to
>> find the burnt-out bulb in the string
>>
>> If you window shop at Radio Shack
>>
>> If your ideal evening consists of fast-forwarding through the latest
>> sci-fi movie looking for technical inaccuracies
>>
>> If you have "Dilbert" comics displayed anywhere in your work area
>>
>> If you carry on a one-hour debate over the expected results of a test
>> that actually takes five minutes to run
>>
>> If you are convinced you can build a phazer out of your garage door
>> opener and your camera's flash attachment
>>
>> If you don't even know where the cover to your personal computer is
>>
>> If you have modified your can-opener to be microprocessor driven
>>
>> If you know the direction the water swirls when you flush
>>
>> If you own "Official Star Trek" anything
>>
>> If you have ever taken the back off your TV just to see what's inside
>>
>> If a team of you and your co-workers have set out to modify the
>> antenna on the radio in your work area for better reception
>>
>> If you are currently gathering the components to build your own
>> nuclear reactor
>>
>> If you own one or more white short-sleeve dress shirts
>>
>> If you have never backed-up your hard drive
>>
>> If you are aware that computers are actually only good for playing
>> games, but are afraid to say it out loud
>>
>> If you truly believe aliens are living among us
>>
>> If you have ever saved the power cord from a broken appliance
>>
>> If you have ever purchased an electronic appliance "as-is"
>>
>> If you see a good design and still have to change it
>>
>> If the salespeople at Circuit City can't answer any of your questions
>>
>> If you still own a slide rule and you know how to work it
>>
>> If the thought that a CD could refer to finance or music never enters
>> your mind
>>
>> If you own a set of itty-bitty screw drivers, but you don't remember
>> where they are
>>
>> If you rotate your screen savers more frequently than your automobile
>> tires
>>
>> If you have more toys than your kids
>>
>> If you need a checklist to turn on the TV
>>
>> If your I.Q. number is bigger than your weight
>>
>> If the microphone or visual aids at a meeting don't work and you rush
>> up to the front to fix it
>>
>> If you can remember 7 computer passwords but not your anniversary
>>
>> If you have memorized the program schedule for the Discovery channel
>> and have seen most of the shows already
>>
>> If you have ever owned a calculator with no equal key and know what
>> RPN stands for
>>
>> If you can type 70 words a minute but can't read your own handwriting
>>
>> If people groan at the party when you pick out the music
>>
>> If you can't remember where you parked your car for the 3rd time this
>> week
>>
>> If you did the sound system for your senior prom
>>
>> If your wristwatch has more buttons than a telephone
>>
>> If you have more friends on the Internet than in real life
>>
>> If you thought the real heroes of "Apollo 13" were the mission
>> controllers
>>
>> If you think that when people around you yawn, it's because they
>> didn't get enough sleep
>>
>> If you know what http:/ stands for
>>
>> If you've ever tried to repair a $5.00 radio
>>
>> If you have a neatly sorted collection of old bolts and nuts in your
>> garage
>>
>> If your three year old son asks why the sky is blue and you try to
>> explain atmospheric absorption theory
>>
>> If your lap-top computer costs more than your car
>>
>> If your 4 basic food groups are: 1. Caffeine 2. Fat 3. Sugar 4. Chocolate

 

[Jeff396]

Re: One for all you Engineer types, take II

Both of those are very good. I'm gonna send them back to the guy I got the one I posted from./w3tcompact/icons/smile.gif

Jeff

 

[TerryinMD]

Re: One for all you Engineer types, take II

Here are some more for the engineers....

Engineering Units for specific applications

365.25 days of drinking low-calorie beer because it's less filling = 1 lite
year
Ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter = Eskimo Pi
2000 pounds of Chinese soup = Won ton
Half of a large intestine = 1 semicolon
2000 mockingbirds = Two kilomockingbirds (work on it....)
1 kilogram of falling figs = 1 Fig Newton
1000 cubic centimeters of wet socks = 1 literhosen
1 millionth of a mouthwash = 1 microscope
Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement = 1 bananosecond
Weight an evangelist carries with God = 1 billigram
Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour =Knot-furlong
16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone = 1 Rod Serling
1000 aches = 1 kilohurtz
Basic unit of laryngitis = 1 hoarsepower
Shortest distance between two jokes = A straight line. (think about it for a
moment)
453.6 graham crackers = 1 pound cake
1 million microphones = 1 megaphone
1 million bicycles = 1 megacycle
52 cards = 1 decacard
1 millionth of a fish = 1 microfiche
1 trillion pins = 1 terrapin
10 rations = 1 decoration
100 rations = 1 C-ration
3 statute miles of intravenous surgical tubing at Yale University Hospital =
1 I.V. League

I responded to my engineering friend. Engineers have too much free time .... /w3tcompact/icons/wink.gif/w3tcompact/icons/laugh.gif/w3tcompact/icons/smile.gif

Terry

 

[RobS]

Re: One for all you Engineer types, take II

Excellent Terry but if engineers have too much free time why aren't I getting more tractor time?!? Here's the mathematical formula:

(too much rain) + (TBN time) + (non-tractor jobs to do) = insufficient tractor time

I'm hoping to disprove this formula this weekend /w3tcompact/icons/smile.gif

 

[RobS]

Re: One for all you Engineer types, take III

Hot Air Balloon

A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me, can you help? I promised a friend I would meet him
an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The woman below replied, "You are in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You are between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude."

"You must be an engineer," said the balloonist.

"I am," replied the woman. "How did you know?"

"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I am still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help so far."

The woman below responded, "You must be in management."

"I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?"

"Well," said the woman, "you don't know where you are or where you are going. You have risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fault."

/w3tcompact/icons/smile.gif

 

[MJB]

Re: One for all you Engineer types, take II

A slight correction on your list: One million microphones would only equal one phone. One million phones equals one megaphone. Therefore it would take one trillion microphones to make a megaphone./w3tcompact/icons/wink.gif/w3tcompact/icons/laugh.gif I know... I have way too much free time on my hands.

 

[gws]

Arguing with an engineer is a lot like wrestling in the mud with a pig. After a few hours, you realize that he likes it.

 

[knucklehead]

Responses to this thread may be a little slow because all the engineers are over helping <A target="_blank" HREF=http://www.tractorbynet.com/cgi-bin/compact/showthreaded.pl?Cat=&Board=nhown&Number=155654&page=&view=&sb=&o=&vc=1#Post155654>DVerbarg</A> figure out how to move his new custom NH tricycle to get it serviced.

No offense, Dave; just a little levity.