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   / Pay me NOW or pay me LATER #11  
Hmm. Well actaully for whatever reason I don't actually like Dave Ramsey, but I think most people would strongly benefit from his program. I even learned a few things.

Personally as far as listening on radio I prefer Clark Howard out of Atlanta. But the point is the same. Save, save, save, spend wise.
 
   / Pay me NOW or pay me LATER #12  
meledward23 said:
Save, save, save, spend wise.

I like that formula. Save three times and spend once. That has the familiar ring of "Measure twice and cut once."...works for me.:)
 
   / Pay me NOW or pay me LATER #13  
My family is notorious for these type of situations. I think you need to look at her situation independantly of everyone else's and ask yourself is she doing all she can to get out of this or are you making it worse by helping? Only you know.

Now once they go to collections then you can start doing payments reduced to below the actuals. The agencies to help people would only do what you would do and that is manage her. But generally they are a help if you have no other options.

Does anyone use Quickens or MS Money to chart the losses?? It's been a big help to me to see the long term outlooks on my finances.
 
   / Pay me NOW or pay me LATER #14  
I'm a fan of Bruce William... He gives good advice!

"There is a fine line between a hobby and mental illness"

mark
 
   / Pay me NOW or pay me LATER #15  
gotrocks, am sure you will get many more answers that work for other people similar to the above. if these answers were going to work for your niece, they would already have done so.

I've learned that when some one is behaving in a way that "doesn't make sense" .... then the the school of hard knocks is actually not going to work for them... and I look for the truly underlying problem.

It's too simplistic to believe that a person should simply exert self control and all will be well..... this approach implies that the person is capable of making a long series of difficult decisions which are ALWAYS in their own best interest until the problem is completely resolved. This approach doesn't work for a 6-year old... and won't work for anyone, regardless of cronological age, whose mental capabilities have not developed, for whatever reason, to that stage we might call "informed, reasonable and intelligent adult decision making."

There is a problem here... I can't tell from afar exactly what it is... but consider that the person could be mentally ill... this illness takes many forms. Your description of the behavior, unwise finantial decisions, is one of the symptoms of the "up" side of bipolar-disorder. Fundamentally, the person's perception of the consequences of their actions is so seriously impaired that they do not serve as the impediment to life decisions that the rest of us have. ..... the behaviour is driven by desire and self interest and abdication of personal responsibility to someone else.... the credit company...and they repeatedly ignore the consequences and are willing to suffer them. This isn't the only reason people demonstate exceptionally poor judgement in life decisions, but it is more prevelant than usually recognized.

One percent ( 1%) of the US population has bipolar disorder annually.

Signs and symptoms of mania (or a manic episode) include:
  • Increased energy, activity, and restlessness
  • Excessively "high," overly good, euphoric mood
  • Extreme irritability
  • Racing thoughts and talking very fast, jumping from one idea to another
  • Distractibility, can't concentrate well
  • Little sleep needed
  • Unrealistic beliefs in one's abilities and powers
  • Poor judgment Spending sprees
  • A lasting period of behavior that is different from usual
  • Increased sexual drive
  • Abuse of drugs, particularly cocaine, alcohol, and sleeping medications
  • Provocative, intrusive, or aggressive behavior
  • Denial that anything is wrong
More info re bipolar disorder is here.

Definition of mania is here.


To truly help your niece, I think somehow professional help must be provided to her.... you are not that help, but might be instrumental in convincing her to get that help. Providing $$ to get out of the current hole is futile without knowing that the root cause/problem is actually being addressed. That's the responsible thing YOU can doThis could mean that she has to "hit bottom" from the consequences (if she will not accept professional help before then) ... watch for signs of depression and suicide thoughts...

Sorry to be so blunt... but mental illness is real, just like heart disease and diabetes... and must be delt with professionally... Medications exist that help or resolve the problems in many cases... it's a long road, like any serious illness.

It's sad that mental illness is stigmatized such that people don't want to talk about it or admit to benefiting from the medications that help them and their loved ones. It's America's hidden epidemic.

PM me, if you wish, if anything I've said rings true and you wish to discuss firther.
 
   / Pay me NOW or pay me LATER #16  
There are somethings to know about getting envolved with these credit card debt relief companies. You need to find one that has been around a long time, there are some scams out there. They are funded by the credit card companies in an effort to prevent bankrupcies. If one is in a big credit card debt they can be a wise choice. Your credit rating will show "Slow pay", but that only will last a year after pay off. Before signing up, ask them what deal they get from the various cards. Example: Comsumer Credit Counselers gets Bank America down to 0% interest, but if you don't have BOA, you want to find the one that handles your bank at 0% interest. These companies only handle credit cards or unsecure loans, not car, house, utilities, etc.

Good luck
 
   / Pay me NOW or pay me LATER #17  
gotrocks said:
Good Morning Everyone,
Thanks in advance for all comments suggestions.......

I have a niece that has never been able to manage her finances.

She has called again asking for help. (more money)

My question---- What experience have you had or what do you know about any of these "Debt Relief" companies.

I've read several warnings and realize there companies that are ready to give "relief" but all they do is realive one of their money.l

Do you know of any reliable place to send her that is on the UP & UP?

Thank$ , Norris

Norris,

I think the best thing would be for you to write more fully about her situation. By writing what you have perhaps been thinking and not verbaizing you will arrive at the proper response to her request.

I can share with you this experience- When in my mid 20's and married both myself and my hsuband working good jobs, my cousin called me at work to ask for $60 or they were going to shut off her phone. She was married but neither she nor her husband were working and frankly they were kind of un-motivated type people and I was not even very close to her.

I hung up and asked my manager and the big sales manager who happened to be int he office what I should do. I knew my husband would not want me giving my cousin $60 and I didn't feel right about not telling my husband, and there is no way i could remove $60 form the family income without him knowing.

Very sure of thier opinions my boss and the sales manager said to call her back and tell her that a phone wasn't a necessity and "I'm sorry but I am not going to be able to help you" They said if it was the dead of a wisconsin winter and her heat was getting shut off that would be different but there was something wrong with my cousin for asking for help from me to prevent getting the phone shut off. I know I would rather have my phone shut off than ask anybody and I mean anybody for help. I would be to proud to borrow oney for a phone bill.

I did jsut what my bosses suggested and she never called me again to borrow money. My bosses said she had probably been mooching from somebody else and they cut her off and that is why she was coming to me. years later I did find out that this was the case, her mother finally cut her off and wouldn't help out with money any longer. After nobody would help her my cousin and her husband managed to figure out in life how to keep shelter over their heads and food on the table and have at least enough for bus money if their cars were broke down.

There is no secret to getting out of debt - Cut expenses and increase revenue. A lot of people work 2 jobs.

Let's hear a few more specifics on your nieces situation, there are times when help form family really is needed, and other times when help form family prevents people from growing up.
 
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  • Thread Starter
#18  
Thanks to all you caring folks. I appreciate the INPUT.

Since it is really my wife's niece she has written and informed her we will not be providing any additional financial OUTPUT.

I printed several web site homepages and for the "uptheenth" time recommended that she seek some counciling and change her lifestyle.
 
   / Pay me NOW or pay me LATER #19  
.

I printed several web site homepages and for the "uptheenth" time recommended that she seek some counciling and change her lifestyle.


Sad thing is . There are millions in the same boat as your neice. Credit card companies bombard these folkes with all types of special offers to use their card.These young adults are like kids in a candy store once they get these cards. It's very easy for these young adults to get in over their heads real fast.My oldest (19) son is inquiring about credit cards ( he gets offers in the mail all the time).I advised him that if he manages to get one to use it very wisely. As in don't charge more than you can pay.


I hope all turns out ok for your neice. She will just have to get her spending under control.
 
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  • Thread Starter
#20  
Thanks again to all.
I did leave out the fact the she is not a young gullible lady.
She is 52 years old and has really messed up her life and her relationship with most of the rest of her family.

She has called my wife, (her aunt)after receiving our letter and suggestions for sources to help her, and says she understands that we will not be increasing her debt to us by making any additional "cash advances".

I do appreciate all of the replys.

God bless US All.

Norris
 

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