R.I.P crash325

[Crash325Daughter]

Well, I was shocked to find this when I was searching to find out if my father was living or dead. James Earl Johnson was my father, and he went by the name "Jim Johnson" from at least 1967 to 1996. He largely abandoned me in 1972 when he and my mother separated. I last saw him in 2006, when I stopped by his home in Escondido for one last chance for him to show some interest or care. I gave him all of my contact information, and I never heard from him. I occasionally searched to see if he had passed away over the years since. It took a crazy amount of an internet deep dive to find he was posting on this forum and that he had passed away.

I'm sorry to see that among the survivors, myself and a son he had before the marriage with my mother, were not mentioned. He also abandoned his son, and I only heard of him in 1991 when I got to spend some time with my grandmother.

I don't know what happened to Jim that made him abandon his children. It's not something I can imagine doing to my child. He never got to meet or even know of his amazing grandson because he chose not to be a part of his daughter's life. I saw him about five times before I was 18. Once he came to pick me up when I was 8 or 9. I was in the front yard with a friend, and he wasn't sure which of us was his daughter.

I got in touch with him again when I was an adult, and he didn't have the excuse of my mother being an issue (in truth, she wasn't). Again, it was all up to me to maintain the relationship. He talks about whether or not he's a good person in one of these threads. He was affable. I can't speak directly to what kind of person he was, except that he was the kind of person who was either unaware or didn't care about the hurt he caused one little girl in this world. I loved him and I wanted to have him in my life. I'm sorry for whatever may have happened that prevented him from having that.

 

[Buppies]

I am very sorry for your pain I cannot imagine. Prayers you somehow find the grace you deserve

 

[WinterDeere]

Very sorry to hear all of this. Hopefully being able to at least read his old posts brings you some closure or comfort.

 

[Cycledude]

Very sorry to see this, Crash was long gone before I ever even heard of tractor by net.
Reading what his daughter had to say makes me even more thankful for the family I grew up in.

 

[Crash325Daughter]

Thank you.

 

[Crash325Daughter]

Very sorry to hear all of this. Hopefully being able to at least read his old posts brings you some closure or comfort.

Thank you for your care and concern. It is interesting to read his posts. I do see there are some good gifts in my life that might not have happened if our family had stayed intact. I have a happy, long marriage (21 years), a great son, and my mother was wonderful and dedicated to her children (I have two half-siblings).

I didn't know my real grandfather's name until I saw his posts, which expanded the family tree. Jim was a successful entrepreneur for three decades, founding and owning several businesses, including an Arco Gas station and Johnstone Tire store in the 1970s, a turquoise jewelry design and making business in the 1980s, and a successful fine Jewelry store in the 1990s. He had remarried to a lovely woman in the 1990s, but I guess that marriage, too, ended in divorce or separation. Maybe that's how he ended up so destitute. It's also possible he was being less than honest on an internet forum.

I visited the jewelry store once. I can still hear the voice of a guy who worked for him saying, "You're his daughter? You should be picking through the cases!". I wasn't seeking jewelry or money, though the only thing he did do for me was cosign on a car loan, which I made sure to keep up with the monthly payments and paid off. He did pay the court-ordered child support, but I grew up in humble circumstances with a mother who worked full time and never remarried. She was dedicated to us.

Thank you for responding. It's an unexpected opportunity to discuss him because I have no connection to his family or anyone who knew him, but the people on this forum who truly seemed to care for him.

 

[tradosaurus]

Well, I was shocked to find this when I was searching to find out if my father was living or dead. James Earl Johnson was my father, and he went by the name "Jim Johnson" from at least 1967 to 1996. He largely abandoned me in 1972 when he and my mother separated. I last saw him in 2006, when I stopped by his home in Escondido for one last chance for him to show some interest or care. I gave him all of my contact information, and I never heard from him. I occasionally searched to see if he had passed away over the years since. It took a crazy amount of an internet deep dive to find he was posting on this forum and that he had passed away.

I'm sorry to see that among the survivors, myself and a son he had before the marriage with my mother, were not mentioned. He also abandoned his son, and I only heard of him in 1991 when I got to spend some time with my grandmother.

I don't know what happened to Jim that made him abandon his children. It's not something I can imagine doing to my child. He never got to meet or even know of his amazing grandson because he chose not to be a part of his daughter's life. I saw him about five times before I was 18. Once he came to pick me up when I was 8 or 9. I was in the front yard with a friend, and he wasn't sure which of us was his daughter.

I got in touch with him again when I was an adult, and he didn't have the excuse of my mother being an issue (in truth, she wasn't). Again, it was all up to me to maintain the relationship. He talks about whether or not he's a good person in one of these threads. He was affable. I can't speak directly to what kind of person he was, except that he was the kind of person who was either unaware or didn't care about the hurt he caused one little girl in this world. I loved him and I wanted to have him in my life. I'm sorry for whatever may have happened that prevented him from having that.

Love to hear the other side of the story. Might be worth getting a DNA test before throwing Mr. Johnson under the bus.

 

[Crash325Daughter]

Love to hear the other side of the story. Might be worth getting a DNA test before throwing Mr. Johnson under the bus.

I'll try to find a photo to share so you can see that it was clear he was my father. When I was born, the nurse told him, "You can't deny this one" because I looked so much like him.

I'm not throwing him under any bus. Like him, I'm sharing my side of the story. Of course, it's my version of it, as what he shared is his side. He was what he was, and I'm what I am. Good and bad. Neither of us is a villain or hero. Just two people who did (and do) the best they can.

 

[Crash325Daughter]

My mother and father took me to meet Sid when I was a baby.

 

[Sigarms]

Thank you for your care and concern. It is interesting to read his posts. I do see there are some good gifts in my life that might not have happened if our family had stayed intact. I have a happy, long marriage (21 years), a great son, and my mother was wonderful and dedicated to her children (I have two half-siblings).

You seem like a remarkable woman realizing that perhaps some good came out of the situation even though growing up you may not have seen it at the time.

I think that happens to a lot of us, but the problem becomes we tend to be bitter about the things we never got what we wanted out of life.

It sounds like you not only have been a remarkable person, but also blessed in the family that have stayed in your life and you realize that!

The way I see it, we all have some closure in our lives to deal with someone in our lives that will never seem to actually be closed for whatever reasons, but sooner or later we will no longer be on this earth, and I'd like to think that is when everyone will have their closure they are dealing with.

 

[ultrarunner]

I know two people that attempted to connect with a bio father through DNA

One was truly surprised but open to it… and learned she had half brother and sister who were also receptive.

The other was told to never make contact again… she was crushed all over again and to this day it affects her.

The mothers of both girls had passed when they decided to find their bio father…

 

[tradosaurus]

I know two people that attempted to connect with a bio father through DNA

One was truly surprised but open to it… and learned she had half brother and sister who were also receptive.

The other was told to never make contact again… she was crushed all over again and to this day it affects her.

The mothers of both girls had passed when they decided to find their bio father…

A man that goes through a divorce where the wife uses the kids as financial leverage, as well as turning the kids against the father, can create a long lasting hatred of not only the wife but the kids (through no fault of their own). Especially if the man is ruined both emotionally and financially.

Theres always another side to every story. And I wonder what curve balls James Earl Johnson encountered in his life?

 

[ultrarunner]

Very true…

The ones I know had zero contact with bio fathers and I just remembered my brothers high school girlfriend only had a name on her birth certificate to go on and brother and girlfriend while in high school tracked him down and her mother was furious…DNA was not really a thing then and it caused lots of ripples because mom said he was most likely the father and couldn’t believe they drove hundreds of miles to find him and the guy was married with 2 young kids and had never said anything about having a kid to his actual wife… although he did not deny ever knowing the mom he said they were only together twice and when she told him she was pregnant she was dating someone else so he denied it…

 

[Sigarms]

Very true…

The ones I know had zero contact with bio fathers and I just remembered my brothers high school girlfriend only had a name on her birth certificate to go on and brother and girlfriend while in high school tracked him down and her mother was furious…DNA was not really a thing then and it caused lots of ripples because mom said he was most likely the father and couldn’t believe they drove hundreds of miles to find him and the guy was married with 2 young kids and had never said anything about having a kid to his actual wife… although he did not deny ever knowing the mom he said they were only together twice and when she told him she was pregnant she was dating someone else so he denied it…

It still amazes me that in "todays times" that people who adopt, particularly babies, will refuse to tell their children that they were adopted.

Since our two boys came from two different families, and were put in the foster care program in their early years, of course they knew they were adopted.

That said, we never stopped any communication with the boys and their biological families if they actually had questions or wanted to reach out (generally a moot point on their end).

Our one son however had a baby sister that was adopted as an baby where the biological mother gave her willingly up for adoption. The adoptive parents decided that the child would never know she was adopted and didn't want any ties what so ever to the biological family. I honestly believe they are going to be in for a rude awaking when sooner or later that child figures out they were adopted and they didn't say anything.

When we had a going away party for our one boy going into the air force, he had his biological brothers come. One in particular has been a positive influence in his life.

 

[ultrarunner]

I’ve been following several DNA match ups where the person or persons that knew never said a word and only through DNA did it all unravel…

One was the oldest child and a younger sibling thought it would be fun to check DNA ancestry… it came as a shock to all siblings the oldest was not full sibling…

The mother originally said it was a mistake and then said why do this…?

Mother became pregnant by a American overseas and he was gone before she knew she was with child… a military man married her and adopted the newborn and the family settled in America 35 years ago with no one the wiser…

She said her adopted father was nothing but wonderful and aside from different features she never questioned it…

Someone in another country was looking for his bio dad and the half sibling thing came up and turns out there are several as the bio dad was active… mothers never had contact info or follow up… mothers did not have any means to help.

All learned through DNA… and the trail led to several countries…

 

[Crash325Daughter]

Thank you, Sigarms. I've read his posts, and yes, I expect to have some closure now. I'm sorry he died, but for me, that tiny splinter in my mind that wondered where he was and if I would ever hear from him again is removed. I had the good sense to realize he and I would never have a real relationship in 2006, and especially after having my child. I understood that something in him was broken because, in my values, a good parent would always want to know their child was ok and be available to help when they are not. When my mother passed away, I had a great sense of relief that my job was done as her daughter; she never had to go through the loss of losing me, and I hope my son can complete the same job. Jim, on the other hand, didn't have any interest in whether or not I lived or died.

 

[Sigarms]

When my mother passed away, I had a great sense of relief that my job was done as her daughter; she never had to go through the loss of losing me, and I hope my son can complete the same job. Jim, on the other hand, didn't have any interest in whether or not I lived or died.

The irony is that without Crash, your mother would never have had you, and no doubt you were a blessing for her along with your own family.

 

[Torvy]

I know two people that attempted to connect with a bio father through DNA

One was truly surprised but open to it… and learned she had half brother and sister who were also receptive.

The other was told to never make contact again… she was crushed all over again and to this day it affects her.

The mothers of both girls had passed when they decided to find their bio father…

Wife's cousin was like that. She was adopted as her bio parents were both cheating. Mom split with her hubby. Dad is still with his wife. He denied even having a daughter.

It really messed the cousin up again, even though she's almost 60.

One of my favorite cousins was adopted. He has zero interest in his birth family. He has had a great life ranching.

 

[Crash325Daughter]

The irony is that without Crash, your mother would never have had you, and no doubt you were a blessing for her along with your own family.

Yes, and my mother wanted me to know that I was born out of love; she loved my father, and he loved her. I know he tried his best to be a family man, but he couldn't do it. I had decided never to have any children until I fell in love with a man who both wanted children and I knew he would never leave a child behind. No matter what. I've got to succeed at what eluded Jim; my son will be an adult next year. Not to say we didn't fail in many ways as parents, but it's all about learning from our mistakes and never giving up. Neither marriage nor child-rearing is for the proud.

Thank you for being so kind here.

 

[tradosaurus]

Wife's cousin was like that. She was adopted as her bio parents were both cheating. Mom split with her hubby. Dad is still with his wife. He denied even having a daughter.

It really messed the cousin up again, even though she's almost 60.

One of my favorite cousins was adopted. He has zero interest in his birth family. He has had a great life ranching.

As it should be. The real family is the one that raised and loved him.