Mike_Dumond
Gold Member
'Twas the nocturnal segment of the diurnal period
preceding the annual Yuletide celebration, and
throughout our place of residence, kinetic
activity was not in evidence among the possessors
of this potential, including that species of
domestic rodent known as Mus musculus. Hosiery
was meticulously suspended from the forward edge
of the wood burning caloric apparatus, pursuant
to our anticipatory pleasure regarding an
imminent visitation from an eccentric
philanthropist among whose folkloric appellations
is the honorific title of St. Nicholas.
The prepubescent siblings, comfortably ensconced
in their respective accommodations of repose,
were experiencing subconscious visual
hallucinations of variegated fruit confections
moving rhythmically through their cerebrums. My
conjugal partner and I, attired in our nocturnal
head coverings, were about to take slumberous
advantage of the hibernal darkness when upon the
avenaceous exterior portion of the grounds there
ascended such a cacophony of dissonance that I
felt compelled to arise with alacrity from my
place of repose for the purpose of ascertaining
the precise source thereof.
Hastening to the casement, I forthwith opened the
barriers sealing this fenestration, noting
thereupon that the lunar brilliance without,
reflected as it was on the surface of a recent
crystalline precipitation, might be said to rival
that of the solar meridian itself - thus
permitting my incredulous optical sensory organs
to behold a miniature airborne runnered
conveyance drawn by eight diminutive specimens of
the genus Rangifer, piloted by a minuscule, aged
chauffeur so ebullient and nimble that it became
instantly apparent to me that he was indeed our
anticipated caller. With his ungulate motive
power travelling at what may possibly have been
more vertiginous velocity than patriotic alar
predators, he vociferated loudly, expelled breath
musically through contracted labia, and addressed
each of the octet by his or her respective
cognomen - "Now Dasher, now Dancer..." et al. -
guiding them to the uppermost exterior level of
our abode, through which structure I could
readily distinguish the concatenations of each of
the 32 cloven pedal extremities.
As I retracted my cranium from its erstwhile
location, and was performing a 180-degree pivot,
our distinguished visitant achieved - with utmost
celerity and via a downward leap - entry by way
of the smoke passage. He was clad entirely in
animal pelts soiled by the ebony residue from
oxidations of carboniferous fuels which had
accumulated on the walls thereof. His resemblance
to a street vendor I attributed largely to the
plethora of assorted playthings which he bore
dorsally in a commodious cloth receptacle.
His orbs were scintillant with reflected
luminosity, while his submaxillary dermal
indentations gave every evidence of engaging
amiability. The capillaries of his malar regions
and nasal appurtenance were engorged with blood
which suffused the subcutaneous layers, the
former approximating the coloration of Albion's
floral emblem, the latter that of the Prunus
avium, or sweet cherry. His amusing sub- and
supralabials resembled nothing so much as a
common loop knot, and their ambient hirsute
facial adornment appeared like small, tabular and
columnar crystals of frozen water.
Clenched firmly between his incisors was a
smoking piece whose grey fumes, forming a tenuous
ellipse about his occiput, were suggestive of a
decorative seasonal circlet of holly. His visage
was wider than it was high, and when he waxed
audibly mirthful, his corpulent abdominal region
undulated in the manner of impectinated fruit
syrup in a hemispherical container. He was, in
short, neither more nor less than an obese,
jocund, multigenarian gnome, the optical
perception of whom rendered me visibly frolicsome
despite every effort to refrain from so being. By
rapidly lowering and then elevating one eyelid
and rotating his head slightly to one side, he
indicated that trepidation on my part was
groundless.
Without utterance and with dispatch, he commenced
filling the aforementioned appended hosiery with
various of the aforementioned articles of
merchandise extracted from his aforementioned
previously dorsally transported cloth receptacle.
Upon completion of this task, he executed an
abrupt about-face, placed a single manual digit
in lateral juxtaposition to his olfactory organ,
inclined his cranium forward in a gesture of
leave-taking, and forthwith effected his egress
by renegotiating (in reverse) the smoke passage.
He then propelled himself in a short vector onto
his conveyance, directed a musical expulsion of
air through his contracted oral sphincter to the
antlered quadrupeds of burden, and proceeded to
soar aloft in a movement hitherto observable
chiefly among the seed-bearing portions of a
common weed. But I overheard his parting
exclamation, audible immediately prior to his
vehiculation beyond the limits of
visibility: "Ecstatic Yuletide to the planetary
constituency, and to that self same assemblage,
my sincerest wishes for a salubriously beneficial
and gratifyingly pleasurable period between
sunset and dawn."
Keep the greasy side down.
Mike
preceding the annual Yuletide celebration, and
throughout our place of residence, kinetic
activity was not in evidence among the possessors
of this potential, including that species of
domestic rodent known as Mus musculus. Hosiery
was meticulously suspended from the forward edge
of the wood burning caloric apparatus, pursuant
to our anticipatory pleasure regarding an
imminent visitation from an eccentric
philanthropist among whose folkloric appellations
is the honorific title of St. Nicholas.
The prepubescent siblings, comfortably ensconced
in their respective accommodations of repose,
were experiencing subconscious visual
hallucinations of variegated fruit confections
moving rhythmically through their cerebrums. My
conjugal partner and I, attired in our nocturnal
head coverings, were about to take slumberous
advantage of the hibernal darkness when upon the
avenaceous exterior portion of the grounds there
ascended such a cacophony of dissonance that I
felt compelled to arise with alacrity from my
place of repose for the purpose of ascertaining
the precise source thereof.
Hastening to the casement, I forthwith opened the
barriers sealing this fenestration, noting
thereupon that the lunar brilliance without,
reflected as it was on the surface of a recent
crystalline precipitation, might be said to rival
that of the solar meridian itself - thus
permitting my incredulous optical sensory organs
to behold a miniature airborne runnered
conveyance drawn by eight diminutive specimens of
the genus Rangifer, piloted by a minuscule, aged
chauffeur so ebullient and nimble that it became
instantly apparent to me that he was indeed our
anticipated caller. With his ungulate motive
power travelling at what may possibly have been
more vertiginous velocity than patriotic alar
predators, he vociferated loudly, expelled breath
musically through contracted labia, and addressed
each of the octet by his or her respective
cognomen - "Now Dasher, now Dancer..." et al. -
guiding them to the uppermost exterior level of
our abode, through which structure I could
readily distinguish the concatenations of each of
the 32 cloven pedal extremities.
As I retracted my cranium from its erstwhile
location, and was performing a 180-degree pivot,
our distinguished visitant achieved - with utmost
celerity and via a downward leap - entry by way
of the smoke passage. He was clad entirely in
animal pelts soiled by the ebony residue from
oxidations of carboniferous fuels which had
accumulated on the walls thereof. His resemblance
to a street vendor I attributed largely to the
plethora of assorted playthings which he bore
dorsally in a commodious cloth receptacle.
His orbs were scintillant with reflected
luminosity, while his submaxillary dermal
indentations gave every evidence of engaging
amiability. The capillaries of his malar regions
and nasal appurtenance were engorged with blood
which suffused the subcutaneous layers, the
former approximating the coloration of Albion's
floral emblem, the latter that of the Prunus
avium, or sweet cherry. His amusing sub- and
supralabials resembled nothing so much as a
common loop knot, and their ambient hirsute
facial adornment appeared like small, tabular and
columnar crystals of frozen water.
Clenched firmly between his incisors was a
smoking piece whose grey fumes, forming a tenuous
ellipse about his occiput, were suggestive of a
decorative seasonal circlet of holly. His visage
was wider than it was high, and when he waxed
audibly mirthful, his corpulent abdominal region
undulated in the manner of impectinated fruit
syrup in a hemispherical container. He was, in
short, neither more nor less than an obese,
jocund, multigenarian gnome, the optical
perception of whom rendered me visibly frolicsome
despite every effort to refrain from so being. By
rapidly lowering and then elevating one eyelid
and rotating his head slightly to one side, he
indicated that trepidation on my part was
groundless.
Without utterance and with dispatch, he commenced
filling the aforementioned appended hosiery with
various of the aforementioned articles of
merchandise extracted from his aforementioned
previously dorsally transported cloth receptacle.
Upon completion of this task, he executed an
abrupt about-face, placed a single manual digit
in lateral juxtaposition to his olfactory organ,
inclined his cranium forward in a gesture of
leave-taking, and forthwith effected his egress
by renegotiating (in reverse) the smoke passage.
He then propelled himself in a short vector onto
his conveyance, directed a musical expulsion of
air through his contracted oral sphincter to the
antlered quadrupeds of burden, and proceeded to
soar aloft in a movement hitherto observable
chiefly among the seed-bearing portions of a
common weed. But I overheard his parting
exclamation, audible immediately prior to his
vehiculation beyond the limits of
visibility: "Ecstatic Yuletide to the planetary
constituency, and to that self same assemblage,
my sincerest wishes for a salubriously beneficial
and gratifyingly pleasurable period between
sunset and dawn."
Keep the greasy side down.
Mike
