Tired

[300UGUY]

I try to be positive, but I am getting tired of my neighbor's. I am the only able guy in about a mile along my road. I have lived here for over 25 years. We were the youngest folks here when we moved in, and we still are. I do a lot of little repairs and assistance to my neighbor's. I've taken them to the doctor's, grocery shopping, and plowed driveways, shoveled out walks, I even plow out the road. Most seem thankful, but they don't offer to pay anything, I don't mind that so much as the fact that I only hear from them when they need help. And I am getting tired. We don't have kids, but all my neighbor's do. Their kids don't do much, if anything. I don't see anybody helping us when we get old, maybe family, but they are a hour or so away. A couple of my neighbor's have been trying to sell for years, but I don't see any young folks moving in. Mostly these folks want a 300K to 500K on a house and a few acres. I don't see those values being realistic. I am thinking we should bail out, I am thinking of a 5 year plan, we have a small biz and commercial property in town. Wind everything down and move on. We will get someplace with acreage ( think tractors!! ). Maybe I will fell better in the am. Btw, part of all this is the age thing. I am tired of hearing about the "good old days". As in the 50's? Sorry for the rant. I feel much better now!!!!

 

[Jstpssng]

I try to be positive, but I am getting tired of my neighbor's. I am the only able guy in about a mile along my road. I have lived here for over 25 years. We were the youngest folks here when we moved in, and we still are. I do a lot of little repairs and assistance to my neighbor's. I've taken them to the doctor's, grocery shopping, and plowed driveways, shoveled out walks, I even plow out the road. Most seem thankful, but they don't offer to pay anything, I don't mind that so much as the fact that I only hear from them when they need help. And I am getting tired. We don't have kids, but all my neighbor's do. Their kids don't do much, if anything. I don't see anybody helping us when we get old, maybe family, but they are a hour or so away. A couple of my neighbor's have been trying to sell for years, but I don't see any young folks moving in. Mostly these folks want a 300K to 500K on a house and a few acres. I don't see those values being realistic. I am thinking we should bail out, I am thinking of a 5 year plan, we have a small biz and commercial property in town. Wind everything down and move on. We will get someplace with acreage ( think tractors!! ). Maybe I will fell better in the am. Btw, part of all this is the age thing. I am tired of hearing about the "good old days". As in the 50's? Sorry for the rant. I feel much better now!!!!

Sometimes it's good to sit back and look at where we've been and where we're headed.

 

[cqaigy2]

Our neighbor and i swap off mowing and plowing, however he has a bigger tractor etc and does do more often then i do. I don't know if anybody else on the "block" does this, but we give him $100 xmas gift to help defray the cost of diesel and wear and tear. He appreciates it and so do we.

 

[300UGUY]

Sometimes it's good to sit back and look at where we've been and where we're headed.

That's kinda what I'm thinking. Things won't change unless we change. One thing we want to do, live somewhere that has different restuarants. Around here it's your choice of dead animal and potatoe.

 

[300UGUY]

Our neighbor and i swap off mowing and plowing, however he has a bigger tractor etc and does do more often then i do. I don't know if anybody else on the "block" does this, but we give him $100 xmas gift to help defray the cost of diesel and wear and tear. He appreciates it and so do we.

One guy down the road got a plowtruck. He lives about a mile away, he and his wife are the only ones near our age. He plows out 1 lane in the center on his way to work, but doesn't do the old ladies drives. As far as giving me anything, one guy, a retired minister gives me a few $$. I hate to take anything from him, as he is pretty poor. I don't have the 500K house, but I don't have the bills either. You get a big house, it takes a lot to sustain that. I was surprised at one neighbor, 70 years old, mentioned that she had a 2K house payment. Between that and kids still on the teat, I think she is feeling the strain. I think most of my neighbor's are house poor. Maybe I'm having a bad day....

 

[MotorSeven]

Around here it's your choice of dead animal and potatoe.

stop it your making me hungry

I hear ya. It's nice to be able to help out neighbors when you want to do it, not because they expect it, or "pop in" to ask(I hate pop in's). My wife are I are getting more and more hermit-like....maybe that's why we are building on 100ac. We have really good neighbors and help each other out and so far I have not felt abused. Reading your post, I think you are definitely ready for a change.......do it, life is short.

 

[dave1949]

Sounds like you are having one of those "taking stock" moods. That's normal. I would say as far as the neighbors go, do what you feel like doing, they will figure it out for themselves if you don't show up.

I try to keep an eye on the elderly lady that lives nearby, but I don't take it upon myself to do regular maintenance like lawn mowing. I have cleaned her driveway a couple times, take fresh veggies to her in summer, check on her if the power is out very long, offered to take her to the grocery if she ever needs that. She pretty much has her support needs met by family and other long-time elderly neighbors who can still drive. I don't know who around here would do that for me later in life, nor do I expect it. There aren't that many people to begin with.

I always assume I am pretty much on my own, and take it as a given that someday I won't be up to dealing with the place we have now, or be able to enjoy it as much either. I have lived in several different situations, they all have their up and down sides. The longest I have ever lived in one location is 12 years which is a lot different than living in one place for 25 years. So, maybe my expectations are a lot different too.

In every place I have lived, I enjoyed what that area had to offer, or whatever I got involved in myself made possible by the situation. In the end, it's all dirt and lumber. I don't attach much significance to it being my dirt and lumber. I'm sure that sounds horrid to folks to have lived forever in one area or one house even. I didn't start off with some multi-generation family place to cherish and never had the urge to start one either.

I would say arrange your life the way you want it to be, and nothing is forever. Beware of the mid-life crisis thinking.

 

[texasjohn]

giving and giving and not getting reciprocity gets old, I agree. And, it's hard to not be resentful at some point.

Gotta look carefully.... it MAY be time for you to move on, but don't do it because of the neighbors, do it because YOU discover that it's time to do so.

For the neighbors, you'll HAVE to reduce your time spent helping them...it's time for you to do things on your place and take a rest for your self.

And, yes, part is the age thing....as I've gotten older, I just don't have the stamina or reserve to do all the things I once did, or even want to do now....am trying to learn how to live within age related limitations, aches and pains.

Net.....it's OK to say NO, politely, sometimes. Discuss how you feel with those close to you, bet they will be supportive of you backing off some. Also, think seriously about discussing with your doctor.... I suspect there are possibly some underlying medical issues also, possibly age related, that make you feel somewhat depressed and not as in control and able to handle things as once you did. Overall, what you describe seems very rational and real to me and understandable....how to respond is up for grabs.

 

[rtimgray]

People can only take advantage of you if you let them. I have learned at a relatively young age that the word "No" is a great friend to myself and my family. A lot of times, I don't even give any other reason. I understand that you have the added obstacle of breaking a past precedent, but I guarantee the sun will continue to rise and set whether you continue the chores you have done or not. In just a month or two, it will be as if it's always been that way. If you must give them a reason to your "No", then simply give them the same information you gave use..."I'm tired."

I've also discovered the more that you tell people "No", the easier it gets. I'm not saying that I never help out people in need, but I don't seek out people to help either, nor do I seek help from others on a regular basis. You might found out that the reason that other people aren't helping the folks that you are helping is BECAUSE you are helping, so others feel like they don't need to. You also might be reason that these folks don't ask or hire others to help, because you're already doing it for free (some quote about milk and cow goes here).

Anyway, I don't want to come across as callous and hard-hearted, although that's not far from the truth, but in the end you need to do what is best for yourself and your family. If it ends up making things tough on some of the neighbors, then that is simply their lot in life.

Good luck with whatever you choose. Take care.

 

[TripleR]

Lots of good posts and it does pay to evaluate your situation to see if a change is indeed warranted. I have seen several posts where members have downsized, re-prioritized, sold tractors and even moved into town if that's what's needed.

As we age, we often become more reflective and as we see our physical abilities fading we really need to plan for the future as we still have one, it is just going to be different.