Upcoming Wedding - advice needed

   / Upcoming Wedding - advice needed #43  
Not me, my older daughter, the nurse. Wedding is in late May.

This is the first of our kids to get hitched. We are not really up on the expectations and protocols as the parents. In general, we figure they are adults and can do things however they want. Just tell us our role and we will do our part.

How is the interaction between the sets of in-laws typically handled? (us and the guy's parents). The 'kids' met as adults and his family is about 20 miles north of us (30-45 minutes in traffic).

As someone who got married twice 🤦‍♂️, and assisted to both of my sisters weddings I would say your approach is good... it is stressful enough, so you don't want to add to it but in another way, you also want to be supportive and offer help. It is hard to say since everyone and every wedding is different. But usually, the two families don't interact together until the last few days if I can give one suggestion, I will say is keep your in-laws involve in the preparations process especially in the last few days before the wedding .. My first wedding my mother-in-law wanted to only have her family to take care of the preparative since she was the bride family and the wedding was in their town. I was very unhappy with this, I saw the disappointment and the feeling of being left out from my family we felt like an ornament in a way... Some weddings need more preparations than others but share the responsibilities it gives them a sense of usefulness and ownership. It will also bring the families closer together....
 
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   / Upcoming Wedding - advice needed
  • Thread Starter
#44  
Good idea really.

It didn't go over to well when my cousins took my wife. Let's just say it can lead to issues with the groom🤣 We did all kiss and makeup though after the fact...
Are you one of my cousins? I have 34...My Polish cousin did not take it well when his bride was stolen.
 
   / Upcoming Wedding - advice needed #45  
It is not our rodeo, or theirs. I value my time and any 'decisions' will not require my input. I suggested that maybe my wife and his mom get coffee instead. I also feel like his parents are trying to force the kids into doing things their way using money to do so. They had them change from a Friday night to a Saturday. It was cheaper venues on Friday...said they would pay difference. Wanted an open bar...said they would pay difference. The list goes on....then, after the kids signed contracts they started the back tracking. Turns out they are not paying the difference.

I am not what people would call diplomatic. I say what I mean and mean what I say. Not likely I could have dinner with these people and not light into them. It would be in their home, so that would be rude. Better, to my way of thinking, that I just decline. I am really having a hard time seeing any value here. After the wedding, we are moving 2 hours away to our property. The way I see it, the only times I would ever see these people are for major events and then just in passing. (the rehearsal, the wedding, any future baptisms or, god forbid, funerals.). I can be cordial like I would with a business acquaintance. I would not seek them out because we are the 'old folks'. I am perfectly content to watch the youngsters in silence or to talk to my wife.
Terrible and it’s making me mad just reading this, I agree with you on this 100%… it’s theirs day, let it be theirs… they are going tu ruins their day …very delicate situation i know you don’t want to cause friction before the wedding but it might be worth bringing your daughter aside and have a talk with her just to remind her that’s it is her day and not her future in-laws day
 
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   / Upcoming Wedding - advice needed #47  
Are you one of my cousins? I have 34...My Polish cousin did not take it well when his bride was stolen.
Could be.

Mom was 1 of 12 and dad was 1 of 11. Other than my own parents only having 1 child, most of my aunts and uncles had 3 or 4 kids. Most people I ever saw at my parents house at one time (after the wedding reception), and good thing the weather was good at night because he had a 1,200 sq foot house and outside was the place to be. When my grandmother came off the boat (unmarried) apparently she had some sisters who went to the Chicago area (we were in coal towns in Pennsylvania).

This sounds really stupid, but up until now, I never thought any Polacks lived in Texas (just dumb line of thinking on my end). I also don't mean "Polack" as a derogatory term and if taken as such, I apologize. Growing up I was called a Hunky at times, and never took offense. I guess those days are long gone.
 
   / Upcoming Wedding - advice needed
  • Thread Starter
#48  
Could be.

This sounds really stupid, but up until now, I never thought any Polacks lived in Texas (just dumb line of thinking on my end). I also don't mean "Polack" as a derogatory term and if taken as such, I apologize. Growing up I was called a Hunky at times, and never took offense. I guess those days are long gone.
Haha....To my knowledge, my only family in Texas is my wife and kids. Had a cousin live here a few years ago, but they went back up Nort'.

Mom is one of 8, very German family from SoDak. Her sister married a Pole. He told the most Pollack jokes of anyone I ever met. Ran a dairy operation. One week there as a kid and I knew dairy farming was not for me.

I don't know about Poles in Texas, but there are some sizable German and Czech communities, so I'd guess there are some somewhere.
 
   / Upcoming Wedding - advice needed #49  
He told the most Pollack jokes of anyone I ever met.
Why do Polish people end their names in "ski"? 😁

Growing up, I had a buttload of Polish jokes for some reason LOL Honestly back then, it was pretty common for everyone to know German, Irish and Pole jokes. Now a days it can be viewed as racist I guess.

It only makes sense immigrants will/would be everywhere in the US now (I've been in NC for 2 decades now). Went to a cousins wedding in Dallas years, they were married in Russian orthodox church (like we were in my "hometown" back in Pa).

Just growing up back then, it just seamed every Eastern European I knew had their family back one generation working in the coal mines. Never met either grandfather as they died doing mining work (they worked hard to make a better life for their family, something I try to never take for granted).

Getting back to the wedding topic, and I don't mean this in a bad way, I know everyone wants a "perfect" wedding, it's just that the money seems so ridiculously high on what can be spent for just one day on a lot of things that can't be used after that one day. Like to think one reason my wife and I get along, we felt the same way when we got married.

Hopefully your son in law will grow on you. That said, I still have a check from my MIL after our wedding on a bet I made with her on my sister in law (check is in a frame dated 17 years ago, as my wife wouldn't let me cash it). Still trying to figure out my sister in law LOL One reason I guess why I get along with my in laws, we do agree on some common sense principals IMO.
 
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   / Upcoming Wedding - advice needed #50  
Set up your Trust to delegate who gets the tractors. Then tell the groom that you'll just stay in the background, cleaning your guns.

Actually, treat your new son-n-law as your own. If he is shy on machinery skills, use this as a chance to teach him your own skills as you would your own son, or use your association to both learn them. The hard part will be accepting that there are things he knows more about than you. So, keep an open mind and appreciate the free tutoring. You can teach an old dog new tricks.

-The Voice of Experience..
 
 
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