thinking of having a child @ 48/42 yrs

[9973720wb19]

My wife and I are thinking about having a child together. Im 48 she is 42
We have both been married before and she has a 13 yr daughter who I consider my own (birth father dead). I had no children
We have been together for 4.5 yrs and married for 2.5 we have bumps along the way but both of us are commited to each other and will be together the rest of our lives.

She is healthy with no issues. I had a mild heart attack @42 but no issues since, lost weight and eat healthy and watch bp etc

We keep going around and around about this, what are your thoughts?

I once went around and around on buying a high end sports car when I was young and poor...it ended up being a mistake. My take away life lesson was "when in doubt, take a conservative position and back off". the fact that you have to "ask us" worries me - a bit. If your only reservation is related to health and age, ask a doctor to explain the risks. If your reservation is "do we want kids", I'd back off. Anyway, I wish you the best whatever you decide.

 

[slowzuki]

Older mother dramatically increases risks of Down's and some other problems. My understanding is women's eggs are as old as they are and accumulate genetic damage over time.

That said, I know two people who had kids when older. They grew up with their older nieces and nephews. Also know several folks who had Down children at an older age, they are now in their 80's and their Down child is still living with them needing care.

We just had our first, we're in our early 30's. I can't imagine wanting to do this when a lot older. No sleep isn't the same as in early 20's.

 

[beppington]

I once went around and around on buying a high end sports car when I was young and poor...it ended up being a mistake. My take away life lesson was "when in doubt, take a conservative position and back off". the fact that you have to "ask us" worries me - a bit. If your only reservation is related to health and age, ask a doctor to explain the risks. If your reservation is "do we want kids", I'd back off. Anyway, I wish you the best whatever you decide.

It's easy to recommend to someone that they shouldn't "waste" money on a high end sports car after you yourself have owned one & enjoyed it & have now out-grown that experience.

I do understand your thinking since I've been-there-done-that too, but when I was in my 20's there is no way anybody could've convinced me that I shouldn't get new cars all the time (my particular vice back then!). Part of life: Do something & then learn later if it was worth it.

 

[beppington]

Older mother dramatically increases risks of Down's and some other problems. My understanding is women's eggs are as old as they are and accumulate genetic damage over time.

That said, I know two people who had kids when older. They grew up with their older nieces and nephews. Also know several folks who had Down children at an older age, they are now in their 80's and their Down child is still living with them needing care.

We just had our first, we're in our early 30's. I can't imagine wanting to do this when a lot older. No sleep isn't the same as in early 20's.

Seems most people say they sleep less as they age :confused3:

Now, recovering from a hangover ... I think that gets harder with age

 

[vabiker23518]

One word of advice: DON'T!!!!
Instead of getting ready for retirement, you'll be worried about their expenses and maybe college. You'll be in the 60s by the time they graduate High School....just say no!

 

[TripleR]

Only two people know the answer to your inquiry and that is you and your wife, I am sure you will make the decision that is best for you no matter what any of us say.

 

[JB4310]

It just seems like an impossible question for anyone but yourselves to answer.

But if you really want another, I've got 3 teenagers :confused2: I'll give you one of mine :laughing:

JB

 

[Sutol]

I am 60 odd and have fostered my grandson who is an orphan.

Its ok but hard to keep up with a lad of 14 and he dont want grandparents takin him clothes shoppin etc so the age difference does matter, also he will have to fend for himself soon as he is 18 as we cant afford to keep him as we cant earn at our age, no jobs for young ones let alone us.

Thing is ,, is it fair on the child

 

[chad22]

I say go for it if you really want a child. My dad was 40 when I was born. I'm now 23 and he's 63.

I wish you luck.

Chad

 

[Zork]

99.9999% of humanity will mold and shape their lives according to their own desires, so don't worry about who you really are thinking about. There is plenty of food on the planet and plenty of land to live. I commend you for asking for the opinions of posters on this site; however, you may get your feelings hurt. One father told me: Zork, you'll never know what it is like to be a father until you hold your first born and realize this is actually a part of me and the woman you love. I will add that fathers are more than a sperm donor. Don't be afraid of being "only" a stepdad because my grandfather was a stepper and he was my only grandfather that I knew and 31 years after his death I still hold him in high regard and I love him dearly.
You are probably in a better place financially, but don't worry about affording it. Thousands are coming across our southern border one more mouth isn't going to matter. You might actually get something for your tax dollars.
I think it is a good idea if: you and your wife are not seeking something extra or meaningful in your lives or relationship to draw you together or make things better- very, very bad idea. If you feel emptiness a baby will not fill it. If you want to carry on your name thats good enough for me; go for it. Im 46 with no children and sometimes I wonder if I made the right choice. But I look forward to the perpetual honeymoon (hopefully) that I may have in these later years. With age there are higher risks in child bearing and Down syndrome. One couple I spoke with said it was very difficult for them but it had drawn them together and made them much better people after all. What does your daughter think about the idea?

Good fortune to you and your family.