The wife...

[Rob-D]

Rob - D, ya got my human curiousity up now. When you witness the type of behavior you have read here in person what do you do ? Like at a party, get together of friends, bull session, huntin', fishin' or what ever you might be doing that involves actual human face to face verbal communication with either of the genders. Truly, I am not head huntin' your answer. I m just interested in what you would do.

I have this macho guy down the road from me, we get along pretty well but he has no idea how to relate to his wife. He comes over to 'chew the fat' and starts telling me about his wife and her daughter from a previous marraige. I look him in the eye and say," did you tell her why you're upset?". I get this sheepish grin and a "no" answer. Then I tell him it's not doing him any good to tell me because I can't fix his problems. he usually gets very quiet and I don't see him for a couple of months when he comes back with the same routine. Finally one day I said to him, "you don't want the solution, you want the problem, so enjoy yourself."

I don't talk about Nancy at parties and she doesn't talk about me. If we have a problem we talk to each other, that's how problems get resolved. I get along with women, actually I really like the differences we have.

I think a lot of guys play macho with the guys but when a women comes along their mice.

Think about this, what would happen if your wife enjoyed the pleasure you got from your tractor as much as you do, if she was just excited when you built something because she understood it? And what if she knitted a sweater and you saw all the beauty in the stiches, colors and designs and it excited you because it was exciting to her? And what if you both loved to do something together like cooking and you shared that for a lifetime like Nancy and I have?

What would happen is everyday you woke up and saw a new person with all her warts and bumps but they didn't mean anything because you knew from within your soul and hers?

What would happen is you would both have an exraordinary life!

 

[Rob-D]

Right now I'm asking myself why an obviously light heart thread got this kind of venom from anyone.:confused2:

Why is acting like you love your wife venom?

Talking about how you don't understand your wife in chat room to strangers, nothing wrong with that!

 

[arrabil]

Think about this, what would happen if your wife enjoyed the pleasure you got from your tractor as much as you do, if she was just excited when you built something because she understood it? And what if she knitted a sweater and you saw all the beauty in the stiches, colors and designs and it excited you because it was exciting to her? And what if you both loved to do something together like cooking and you shared that for a lifetime like Nancy and I have?

Well said, Rob.

 

[Rob-D]

Well said, Rob.

Thank you.

 

[JDGREEN4ME]

Right now I'm asking myself why an obviously light heart thread got this kind of venom from anyone.:confused2:

Agreed. I also didn't know Dr. Phil had a tractor.

 

[Pops15]

Saying you don't understand your wife is not saying you don't love her.
Saying you don't understand your wife is not saying you don't get along with her.
Saying you don't understand your wife is not saying you don't appreciate her.
Saying you don't understand your wife is not playing macho.

Sometimes (maybe most or even all of the time) saying you don't understand your wife just mean you don't understand your wife. Have you ever taken anything for face value? It seems you're reading more into it than what people have said.

I'll give an example of how my wife and I think differently....
Say I go out and buy a new tool.......
I think:
This new tool was a great value.
This new tool is going to make my job easier.
This tool is going to allow me to be more productive, therefore I'll make more money.
This tool will allow me to do more types of work, therefore I'll make more money or at least I won't have to pay someone else to do it.
She thinks:
That was expensive.
If he didn't have the tools for that job why didn't he just hire someone to do it for him?

Nothing negative. We just look at things differently.

 

[Runner]

OK, gotta pipe up again here:

"I'll give an example of how my wife and I think differently....
Say I go out and buy a new tool.......
I think:
This new tool was a great value.
This new tool is going to make my job easier.
This tool is going to allow me to be more productive, therefore I'll make more money.
This tool will allow me to do more types of work, therefore I'll make more money or at least I won't have to pay someone else to do it.
She thinks:
That was expensive.
If he didn't have the tools for that job why didn't he just hire someone to do it for him?"

See, for me, having my wife have enough faith in me to just know that if I buy the tool, it's for a good reason and that's good enough for her, is something I looked long and hard for in a relationship. Not just buying tools, but in everything I do. Even when I don't know what the heck I'm doing, she has faith in me that I can work it out.

I do the same thing with her. If she wants to buy or do something that I don't immediately understand, I don't try to discourage it. I know that it makes sense to her and that's all the justification I need to support her.

To me, that mutual respect and faith means the everything.

 

[Hawghauler]

I am very happy for you Rob. It looks like you two are soul mates joined in mutual respect and bonded by bliss.

 

[Pops15]

OK, gotta pipe up again here:

"I'll give an example of how my wife and I think differently....
Say I go out and buy a new tool.......
I think:
This new tool was a great value.
This new tool is going to make my job easier.
This tool is going to allow me to be more productive, therefore I'll make more money.
This tool will allow me to do more types of work, therefore I'll make more money or at least I won't have to pay someone else to do it.
She thinks:
That was expensive.
If he didn't have the tools for that job why didn't he just hire someone to do it for him?"

See, for me, having my wife have enough faith in me to just know that if I buy the tool, it's for a good reason and that's good enough for her, is something I looked long and hard for in a relationship. Not just buying tools, but in everything I do. Even when I don't know what the heck I'm doing, she has faith in me that I can work it out.

I do the same thing with her. If she wants to buy or do something that I don't immediately understand, I don't try to discourage it. I know that it makes sense to her and that's all the justification I need to support her.

To me, that mutual respect and faith means the everything.

My example doesn't have anything to do with respect or faith. Just a different perspective. But yeah, those are very important attributes for a partner to have!

 

[sailorman]

Think about this, what would happen if your wife enjoyed the pleasure you got from your tractor as much as you do, if she was just excited when you built something because she understood it? And what if she knitted a sweater and you saw all the beauty in the stiches, colors and designs and it excited you because it was exciting to her? And what if you both loved to do something together like cooking and you shared that for a lifetime like Nancy and I have?

Thanks for the reply Rob. I appreciate the time you took to respond. I do want to reply to this part in the interest of the intellectual exchange of ideas. You have certainly purport to know much about my wife, me, our relationship, and understanding of each other. However you 've got quit wrong.

1. My wife lights up when she sees me on the tractor havin' a good time and being productive. And I like it when she does.

2. She is excited about what I build even if she does not understand it. She 's excited because I knew how to do it.

3. She doesn 't knit, but she could make things grow in the Sahara Desert. My excitement and appreciation is shown at the dinner table and yes I sometimes help with the cookin'.
4. We canoe together, camp together, watch movies together and talk about them in between, party together and the list could go on but it would take too much band width.
5. I don 't know about the lifetime part yet because we are not dead. But I do know we have been married 36 years + with no X 's.

There are things my wife does that I hate and she knows it. Works the same in reverse. No singular couple 's way of doing things is wrong as long as it is successful and works. A million successful marriages. A million different ways to get there.