Helping out former workplace buddy, old neighbor, relative, etc......

Retiredguy2 · Dec 18, 2016

Where do you guys draw the line at trying to assist someone you know that as basically done little for you in the past, yet you feel like helping them out because they are basically a person who never actually (bleeped) you over meaningfully? I got a call from a former neighbor about two hours ago asking if he could borrow my utility trailer and appliance dolly to pick up new appliances..I have helped him so many times over the past 14 years but have never asked him for assistance in any way...he is basically a good guy and still working full time while I am not. So I got out my tractor and plowed away 2' of drifted snow and helped him hook up the trailer. Knowing he appreciates that makes me willing to help. Got a call last month from a former work associate who I helped time after time over a 25 year period both at work and outside of work...he wants to reconnect after not seeing me for 14 years. Now...how does that make me feel? I just ignored his request to reconnect in any way. These two examples pretty much illustrate extremes but I wonder just how much these extremes have biased my willingness to help someone or just shut off any type of recurring connection. So...how do you draw the line?

2LaneCruzer · Dec 18, 2016

Retiredguy2 said:
Where do you guys draw the line at trying to assist someone you know that as basically done little for you in the past, yet you feel like helping them out because they are basically a person who never actually (bleeped) you over meaningfully? I got a call from a former neighbor about two hours ago asking if he could borrow my utility trailer and appliance dolly to pick up new appliances..I have helped him so many times over the past 14 years but have never asked him for assistance in any way...he is basically a good guy and still working full time while I am not. So I got out my tractor and plowed away 2' of drifted snow and helped him hook up the trailer. Knowing he appreciates that makes me willing to help. Got a call last month from a former work associate who I helped time after time over a 25 year period both at work and outside of work...he wants to reconnect after not seeing me for 14 years. Now...how does that make me feel? I just ignored his request to reconnect in any way. These two examples pretty much illustrate extremes but I wonder just how much these extremes have biased my willingness to help someone or just shut off any type of recurring connection. So...how do you draw the line?

I suspect there is a lot more to your story that we aren't hearing, but in any case I will give you my take on it. You just have to play it by ear. When you get to the point where you feel like they are taking advantage of you unfairly, and the relationship is becoming toxic, then end it. I don't mind helping those who need it, and who are grateful; after, all, didn't the great teacher say that to those who are given much, much is expected? On the other hand, I learned a long time ago...when you recognize that a particular individual is irrational and toxic, get them out of your life ASAP.

cat fever · Dec 18, 2016

2LaneCruzer said:
I suspect there is a lot more to your story that we aren't hearing, but in any case I will give you my take on it. You just have to play it by ear. When you get to the point where you feel like they are taking advantage of you unfairly, and the relationship is becoming toxic, then end it. I don't mind helping those who need it, and who are grateful; after, all, didn't the great teacher say that to those who are given much, much is expected? On the other hand, I learned a long time ago...when you recognize that a particular individual is irrational and toxic, get them out of your life ASAP.

Good advice.:thumbsup:

coobie · Dec 18, 2016

I have also helped many friends/family & neighbors in the past.I just right it off as the correct thing to do.My hope is God is keeping score.LOL..

murphy1244 · Dec 18, 2016

I go with my gut feelings. If it feels right to do, do it. I don't have to do anything I don't feel like doing. Unless it's for the Mrs.

txdon · Dec 18, 2016

You did not say that you ever asked them for help. I would be glad about that and enjoy their thanks. Can you think of anything you would want them to help you with?

ovrszd · Dec 18, 2016

My wife gently reminds me all the time that I help a lot of people that do little for me in return. I'm with Coobie on this one, it's the right thing to do. "Jewels in the Crown".

Today a friend asked me if he could put his car hauler trailer in my shop to thaw off 1/4" of ice. I said sure. Spent an hour helping him get the ice off and then we had to squeegee all the water out of my shop. I got a polite thanks in return.

Some of my assisted friends I refrain from volunteering help to. Those are the ones that take it a bit too far. But I still help them when they ask.

Retiredguy2 · Dec 18, 2016

coobie said:
I have also helped many friends/family & neighbors in the past.I just right it off as the correct thing to do.My hope is God is keeping score.LOL..

Respectfully asking here: Do you hope God is keeping score because you are being a correct guy to help, or is he keeping score that the others are right and/or wrong to ask for your assistance? As for me, another member here asked if I ever ask for help from someone else...I NEVER do. That is just the way I am and always will be.

jerrybob · Dec 18, 2016

2LaneCruzer said:
I suspect there is a lot more to your story that we aren't hearing, but in any case I will give you my take on it. You just have to play it by ear. When you get to the point where you feel like they are taking advantage of you unfairly, and the relationship is becoming toxic, then end it. I don't mind helping those who need it, and who are grateful; after, all, didn't the great teacher say that to those who are given much, much is expected? On the other hand, I learned a long time ago...when you recognize that a particular individual is irrational and toxic, get them out of your life ASAP.

Really good advice. I help folks whenever I can....but will not be taken advantage of. I've got a neighbor buddy who is one of the greatest guys I've ever known.....he has helped me more times on more projects......I couldn't tell you how many times...he's a great friend. He's the kind of guy that will always help you but rarely asks for help. If he does need something.....he will call and say "What are you doing?" I know that is his help call and I always say......"Nothing...what ya need?" I will drop anything to go help him......I appreciate him so much. Guys like him are hard to come by.

300UGUY · Dec 18, 2016

I help people whenever I can. Folks have always helped me. A lot of us are trained not to ask for help. My dad would eat sxxx and die before he asked anyone for assistance. I figure everything goes around!

At least I hope so!&#55357;&#56846;