Helping out former workplace buddy, old neighbor, relative, etc......

[ovrszd]

I don't do community volunteer work but I do try to help any of my neighbors that need it. I don't expect to get any help in return nor any payment of any kind. What I do makes me feel needed and that is the only payment I need. I have been burned a few times by acquaintances but I chalked that up to life experiences so as to not let it happen again.
I could use some help myself from time to time but I just don't ask (not even my wife) unless I just cant do it alone. I was brought up to be self sufficient and pretty much stuck to that my entire life. I don't borrow and don't like to lend either. If someone asks to borrow something, I will just go over with the tool and do the job. It works out better that way and I bring my tools back home, otherwise I am sure I would be out lots of tools.
I like to think that I am treating my fellow man right by doing what I do and the way that I do it.

My Brother lived on my farm for a few years. He took advantage of my neighbor there constantly. In regards to borrowing things, he took advantage so bad that my neighbor had to mark every single tool in his machine shed with purple paint. When my Brother was having a sale and moving off the farm Steve (neighbor) came to me with a list of tools he was missing. Asked me to look out for them. I said let's search for them now. We found everything but one 1" drive socket.

Took a couple years for Steve to build trust in me. We "borrowed" from each other all the time. If I borrowed a tool from Steve's shed I returned it as soon as I was done. My goal was for Steve to never find one of his tools in my machine shed. The day before he died I was visiting with him and his Wife. When I got ready to leave Steve pointed at me while looking at his wife and said "Whatever that man tells you to do, you do". That was the greatest compliment I have ever been given.

 

[gladehound]

I figure when there are two people in a partnership, that if each person does 60 to 80 percent of the the work, then they are both doing half.
I always try to do 60 to 80% of my part. I figure the other person thinks they are doing the same.

I have a cousin that helps me a lot. I help him a lot too. I think I always feel like I'm only doing 30-40% of my part. The funny thing is, he thinks he's only doing 30-40% of his part! I think we are both so used to doing 90% in all our other relationships that doing 50% just doesn't feel like it could possibly be our fair share of the work! I'm very grateful to have a cousin like that.

 

[Citydude]

My Brother lived on my farm for a few years. He took advantage of my neighbor there constantly. In regards to borrowing things, he took advantage so bad that my neighbor had to mark every single tool in his machine shed with purple paint. When my Brother was having a sale and moving off the farm Steve (neighbor) came to me with a list of tools he was missing. Asked me to look out for them. I said let's search for them now. We found everything but one 1" drive socket. Took a couple years for Steve to build trust in me. We "borrowed" from each other all the time. If I borrowed a tool from Steve's shed I returned it as soon as I was done. My goal was for Steve to never find one of his tools in my machine shed. The day before he died I was visiting with him and his Wife. When I got ready to leave Steve pointed at me while looking at his wife and said "Whatever that man tells you to do, you do". That was the greatest compliment I have ever been given.

Great story. I have a neighbor like your Steve and he's getting pretty frail and deaf in his old age. He's still plowing his snow however doesn't mow anymore and hires it out. I told him ( yelled) I was concerned that he wasn't staying active enough and he just smiled and said " you try working for my wife", that makes sense as she is always yelling about something over there.....

 

[Looking4new]

I go with my gut feelings. If it feels right to do, do it. I don't have to do anything I don't feel like doing. Unless it's for the Mrs.

I don't do anything I don't fell like doing at all. Not even for your missus, murphy.

 

[TripleR]

Enabling is the term I should of used instead of empowering.

Empowering someone IMO is giving someone the proper tools to work with to better themselves or their tasks.

Yep, I understood your meaning and agree.

 

[aczlan]

Generally we help those that need it..
A number of years ago, the men at church decided to really help the widows. We formed some teams to respond to their needs. I was on the moving team and helped move a widow and her 5 daughters. It was a from one side of town to a distance the other side, perhaps 50 miles.It opened my eyes to how folks take advantage. Nothing was packed or anything. Refrigerator still full of food, cupboards full of dishes, etc. The team had taken boxes and packing materials over two weeks ahead, but absolutely nothing was done. Clothes were still in closets and dressers. They actually expected us to pack it, move it, unpack it without them lifting a finger. The guy that organized it was also a no show... he said his job was getting guys to do the move, not the actual move... The family had money, but thought we should just do it all for them.
That was the last move I was involved in (organized by men's group at least). A month later when the organizer called, I was busy. He wanted me to bring my truck for them to use (just a pickup with 8' bed) but it was busy also. I found out later that the organizer could not get a single man to volunteer. A short time later they ended the program.
I help when I can, but don't like wasting my time on scammers. I have too much I want to do already, like spend time with grand daughters, investing my time in their lives.

We had a move like that at church last winter. We ended up with 4-6 ladies from church there helping her pack while the guys were moving stuff. She had a little 1br ranch that was loaded to the gills. It took 4-5 loads from a E450 Uhual truck and 3 pickup trucks to get everything moved over.

Aaron Z

 

[Sigarms]

OP here and just saying: I helped my former neighbor out so many times and was glad to do it because he is one of the rare people who appreciated what I did. He was planning to pick up a used washer and dryer combo he got off Craigslist or whatever using my trailer. He is always grateful for what I do and as I tell him: "You would do the same for me if I needed your help" which pretty much sums up everything. I am always happy to assist a person who is appreciative AND would return the assistance should I ask them.

I would sincerely appreciate it if you send me $200, seriously. Let me know and I'll send you my name and address

You stated he works full time and you're retired.

Bottom line, actions speak louder than words. Your actions tell me that your a good man. From what you've said of your neighbor, his actions haven't done anything, but his words have.

That said, I don't see life as a scorecard, and as long as you think you're doing good (not hurting anyone of course), THAT'S all that matters IMO.

 

[CobyRupert]

Enabling is the term I should of used instead of empowering.

Empowering someone IMO is giving someone the proper tools to work with to better themselves or their tasks.

Yep, like the proverb says:
"Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime."

Now some people you wish you could apply a similar proverb:
"Give a man some firewood he is warm for a day, but set the begging son-a-b*tch on fire and he's warm for the rest of his life!!" :laughing:

 

[Deere Dude]

A friend (80 yo) and I about 60 at the time, his elderly wife and a 50 YO gal were to move this gals belongings from a 8x12 storage unit because she was poor. He financial situation I believe was brought on by her slothfulness. But she was in a bind at the time. While the women watched we loaded my dually and my 6x10 trailer to the max to move across town.

By the time it was loaded I was really pooped.\

We got to her apartment and had to park at least 75' from the apartment and her apartment was on the second floor. I had to stop a couple times just so I wouldn't get a heart attach or the old boy wouldn't cave in on me. Half way through I was spent, but had to keep on going as there just wasn't any other help.

Finally got done with no mishap but vowed never to get sucked into a situation like that again no matter how much they cry and whine.

 

[JRobyn]

2Lane, back in your post #18, I was CERTAIN that your story was going to end with your neighbor having a sad (or mad) look on his face while he told you that his wife had decided that she really, really wanted to keep the tree!