Resonsibilty for your step kids?

[kenmac]

Just read the whole thread and my thoughts are:

Never, ever, loan money to family. They probably won't pay you back and your blood will boil every time they spend money on anything you consider a luxury. It will ruin the relationship. Consider any money paid a gift, and a miracle if paid back.

Never give money where the recipient has no skin in the game. "I'll match your tuition payments" is so much more powerful than "I'll pay the whole thing, now try to apply yourself".

Are you sure you can really afford this? Are you both covered for long term care and do you have enough for emergencies in retirement? Are you sure you really have enough for your full retirement, accounting for future inflation over time? If your COLA doesn't meet inflation, you'll need your savings to make up the difference.

He should have run the numbers to determine if he and his spouse can make it till the end. If he doesn't have enough funds left for himself & his spouse to make it, Maybe they will make enough when they finish school, and be willing to step up and help them when they need it.

 

[Gunny]

:thumbsup: We do not loan money either, kids need help, we are there. No step kids, so not sure how I would handle that.

I think you'd handle it the same way, they might not be your biological kids, but they are your kids.

 

[Retiredguy2]

Well......after much consideration and a little bit more information and a lot of thought..... This thread has really bothered me. My initial impression was that you were being taken for a ride. I have seen it happen many times and I thought the steps might see somebody with a little money and might be fishing for some. But as I understand your situation better, and I may be wrong, it might be in your best interest to give them some help. After all you can't take it with you. And they might just be the ones taking care of you in your old age.

Gotta be careful about what I say though I don't think anybody in my family reads TBN and posting this could cause some hard feelings. But my girls have promised to take care of some relatives who do not have children. The relatives are younger than my wife and me. He has a brother and sister and nephews but it will be my two taking care of them. And they will do so come heel or high water. Because that's the way they were raised and if they don't then nobody will.

Something to think about. And maybe mentioned when you write out that check.

RSKY

I am quite sorry if this thread has bothered you and understand your feelings on the issues being discussed. Maybe I should mention that I have a long term care policy and much better health care insurance plan than my spouse has. However neither my dad, my grand dad, my great grand dad, ever saw age 70. I am in no way wanting to help my step kids because I think they might help me when I get unable to care for myself, HOWEVER...my spouse will outlive me and helping her kids will hopefully better their ability to help her after I am gone.

Everybody got that?

 

[Shaneard]

I am quite sorry if this thread has bothered you and understand your feelings on the issues being discussed. Maybe I should mention that I have a long term care policy and much better health care insurance plan than my spouse has. However neither my dad, my grand dad, my great grand dad, ever saw age 70. I am in no way wanting to help my step kids because I think they might help me when I get unable to care for myself, HOWEVER...my spouse will outlive me and helping her kids will hopefully better their ability to help her after I am gone.

Everybody got that?

Just because none of the men on your side of the family didn't see age 70 doesn't mean you won't, health care has came a long way in recent years. Ultimately your decision to help your kids is your decision, whether that be step or biological. People here are only giving their opinions, which is what you ask for.

 

[ovrszd]

Just because none of the men on your side of the family didn't see age 70 doesn't mean you won't, health care has came a long way in recent years. Ultimately your decision to help your kids is your decision, whether that be step or biological. People here are only giving their opinions, which is what you ask for.

I agree.

And none of us know the whole story. But that doesn't mean the storyline doesn't cause us to speak up and express how the subject affects us. It's been a good discussion topic. And that's the most it can be.

 

[RSKY]

Retiredguy, the reason this thread has bothered me so much is because I worked as a supervisor in factories for thirty-seven years. I usually had a crew of twenty to thirty working for me and I have seen so many 'fall in love' and get married only to loose half of everything they had in a year. I have seen a woman chase after a man and marry him only to divorce him a month or two later and end up with the guys new car. And that was the only reason she married him. And he was told that as soon as she started after him because she had told the women at the beauty parlor what she was going to do. Now I don't mean to imply that this is the case in your situation but it was the first thing that came to mind.

On the other hand I know of a case where the step-daughter is closer to her step-dad than her own mother.

Only you know all the facts. And only you can make the decision.

But I will agree with what some others have said. It would not be a loan but a gift.

RSKY

 

[Steppenwolfe]

I think you'd handle it the same way, they might not be your biological kids, but they are your kids.

Yes, you are correct, I understand completely.

 

[Steppenwolfe]

I am quite sorry if this thread has bothered you and understand your feelings on the issues being discussed. Maybe I should mention that I have a long term care policy and much better health care insurance plan than my spouse has. However neither my dad, my grand dad, my great grand dad, ever saw age 70. I am in no way wanting to help my step kids because I think they might help me when I get unable to care for myself, HOWEVER...my spouse will outlive me and helping her kids will hopefully better their ability to help her after I am gone.

Everybody got that?

You are a good man, THAT comes through loud and clear. :thumbsup:

 

[Dr Dirt]

From one Retired Guy to another: All I can say after raising 9 kids, 5 of mine and 4 of my wife's, both of us are in "round two" we have been very happily married over twenty years,,,, ALL of our kids went to college,, my only advice is that all kids are different and very unique! If you raised and loved your step kids as if they were your own they should love you back in kind. However; like all people each and every person is different. My instinctive advice is that you have to deeply understand each child's incentive for higher ed. The big thing about education is that so long as they are studying marketable subjects and not basket weaving, their educations should produce higher professional gains. If you truly feel that your wife is in this for the long haul I would go for it, however; and these however's come with experience,,,, just remember that student loans are not forgivable! I wish you and your new family all the best!!! Dan.

 

[tjkubota93]

My buddy that trained me at work adopted his step sons 3 year old daughter. Bad situation leading to it, but the situation ended up great. He loves her and she loves him. She could not have ended up with a better person to care for her.