Ever put your foot in your mouth?

[2LaneCruzer]

This happened back in my high school days, circa 1953 or '54. It was play practice, and some of us "extras" were sitting in a row of folding chairs toward the back of the stage. My best buddy (RIP) of some 65 years, was sitting next to me. He had on a new pair of shoes; they were brown wing tips with white inlay...if I may say so, extremely gaudy for the time, and nothing like tennis shoes or penny loafers with blue jeans. I made some remark, and he said, "Here, try them on"...and he took one of the off and handed it to me. Now he wore a size or so larger than me, but to humor him, I tried it on any way.

I put it on and it looked horrible. It swallowed my foot, and with my jeans and red socks it was almost comical. I told him that was the ugliest thing I had ever seen; and they looked like (you fill in the blank *****) shoes. I suddenly realized that I had insulted him; he really was proud of them. So, in order to smooth things over, I said "Well, it looks bad because of these stupid red socks I've got on". I looked over at him and...you guessed it...he had on a pair of red socks.

We laughed about that a 1000 times in the next 60 or so years; I miss him more than I can tell.

 

[zzvyb6]

Guy takes a job interview for a major company. HR guy asks him about his college days and the kid gives him the rundown. "What school did you go to?", the kid asks back? "I went to Wisconsin" HR replies. "That's funny the kid jokes, "the women there were either ugly as sin or played football". HR guy: "My wife went to Wisconsin".

Oh really the kids says: "What position did she play?"

 

[zzvyb6]

Guy takes a job interview for a major company. HR guy asks him about his college days and the kid gives him the rundown. "What school did you go to?", the kid asks back? "I went to Wisconsin" HR replies. "That's funny the kid jokes, "the women there were either ugly as sin or played football". HR guy: "My wife went to Wisconsin".

Oh really the kid says: "What position did she play?"

 

[Fuddy1952]

My Dad (r.i.p.) was Sears service manager then salesman. I begged him to write a book, but never did. A few funny stories come to mind...
He was #1 Salesman in our district...store manager asked what his secret was. Dad said "I'm bald enough to look distinguished and hemorrhoids enough to have a look of concern".
Another time, working in plumbing department another salesman was having difficulty making a near-deaf elderly gentleman understand him. Dad calmly starting putting plumbing pipe together until he made a trumpet. He held one end to the guys ear while he talked in the other. The customer understood, Dad sold him what he wanted.
Another time there was this young geek Dad with an obnoxious little boy raising heck, getting into everything, yelling, etc. A lady walks by, saying someone ought to spank that child. Another customer there was this great big farmer in overalls...he said "No...somebody ought to beat the h*ll out of the father!". The Dad grabbed his boy, ran out the store.
I miss Dad so much.

 

[tractorshopper]

My dad stuck his foot in his mouth a lot, but mostly just jumbling things up.

In church one Sunday, the pastor asked him to lead the morning prayer. Obviously dad wasn't expecting this and became very nervous. He stood up and tried to find words and I guess was thinking Father and Lord at the same time, because he started with, "our dear Heavenly Ford".

Another time with the large church group, he was trying to say a "a few bucks", but got the first letters of each mixed up and said a bew >.#^@.

 

[the old grind]

Dyslexia is its own entertainment. Ask me how I know.

 

[NorTracNY]

I swear..... I think I could walk into a room of 10 people, tell a jovial joke to lighten the atmosphere, and 7 of them would get mad.

Yes, then you know which 3 people you want to continue dealing with. I certainly prefer dealing with people that have a sense of humor - even very odd ones.

 

[Slowpoke Slim]

Another one on me,

Had a guy tell me he just moved from New Mexico years ago. To which I replied "New Mexico??!!, they must all be inbred there, was stationed there once, never seen a bigger group of dumb ugly people in my life, couldn't wait to leave there." To which he replied, "I was born and raised there." Well, no saving it now, so I replied, "See what I mean."

 

[Luke'sScreenName]

So I'm fresh out if training.

I walk into a room to introduce myself to perform a medical procedure on an expectant mother. There is a second person in the room.

Me: "... and are you the father of the baby?"
The second person: "No, I'm her mother." (meaning she's the pregnant woman's mother :ashamed.

I swear she looked JUST LIKE a 30 year old man not a grandmother! No way to talk my way out of that and not the way to build trust. Never made ANY assumptions again.

 

[bunyip]

I used to be rostered in court to conduct psychological assessments and one day I saw this horrible head in the dock, squinty little eyes, badly bent nose, scars on his face and bald, the charges were being read and they were extremely violent with a lot of prior history.
I had this one in the bag until the judge ask that the accused be brought in, the one in the dock stood up and it was the police custody sergeant.
Not so much foot in mouth but a very bad assessment that I kept to myself.