Growing Old With Dignity

atsah · Apr 23, 2019

ovrszd said:
25 years ago I lost a 19 year old Son. I dreamed of him 3 times the first month. One that meant the most was seeing him running across our pasture away from me. Dressed in shorts, no shirt, barefoot. His favorite attire as a kid. I hollered at him but he kept running over the hill. I ran to the top of the hill where I could see him just before he ran over the next hill. I hollered at him but he kept running over the hill. I ran to the top of the next hill where I could see him. I hollered at him and he stopped on top of the next hill. He looked back at me and said "You can't come here yet Dad and that's okay". Then he ran over the hill. The peace I got from that shook me to the core. When I am having a bad day I think of that and feel better.

WOW.. That would have shook me to my core as well..

k0ua · Apr 23, 2019

Ultrarunner. Yes they can remember almost anything from their distant past almost right up to the end. It is like the short term read/write function is what is destroyed. Think of a hard drive, any data over a certain file date can be retrieved easily, but anything new is either not written in the first place or can't be retrieved. I have heard short term memories are held in a short term "file cabinet", and if they are significant, and you visit them several times then they are written into long term storage otherwise they are just in "RAM" and can get flushed pretty quickly. I guess the flushing mechanism is really really quick for these poor unfortunate people. I dunno, but that is how I think of it. Maybe that is an oversimplification.

Jim Nelson · Apr 23, 2019

Shortly before my FIL passed he came to live with us as his favorite, younger daughters M.D. wanted nothing to do with him. He had been a cantankerous character and heavy drinker which the other daughter always held against him. In spite of his problems he was a brilliant chemist and always provided a very good living for his family.By the time he finally decided to come live with us he was a widower and had alienated pretty much the rest of his family.

Shortly after we got him moved from Chicago to our home in Ca. we took him to our primary care Dr. to introduce him and have the doc. evaluate him.Soon after meeting the doc.,who was one of the best old time G.P.'s Ive ever known,FIL started telling him how we were abusing him and treating him terribly. My wife said "Daddy that's just not true" and the old doc looked her in the eye and said "Honey Daddy' s not there any more",which turned out to be true, though much of the time he seemed very lucid and just fine.

He lasted about 3 months before we had to put him in an assisted living home and he passed about 3 weeks later.

It's really hard when the mind goes and seems best if it means the end is nears hard as that is on those left behind.

rekees4300 · Apr 23, 2019

There's a book on Amazon that's relevant to this thread's topic: I'll Have It My Way: Taking Control of End of Life Decisions: a Book about Freedom & Peace author Hattie Bryant

It has 143 reviews and 90% are :star::star::star::star::star:

Jstpssng · Apr 23, 2019

dieselcrawler said:
I had a dream about my dad two nights ago... been 4 weeks since he passed (see post #100) and this is the first dream Ive had of him. The context of the dream is irrelevant, but what he clearly said means the world to me... "I'm OK now... " I woke up with a smile on my face. I called my mom that morning, and hearing this could not have come at a better time for her, she had a rough night herself, and was nearly sobbing when she answered the phone.

Im not a particularly religious person, but concider myself to be spiritually-aware, and not superstitious but open-minded enough... either way, not someone who pushes my thoughts and beliefs on anybody, take this as you will, I know what it means to me. Dad is OK now...

I started having those dreams about my father a few weeks after he went into the nursing home... in the first we were back at the greenhouse and he was showing me how to do something. It was so real, so vivid that I woke up expecting a phone call telling me that he had passed away... which did come about a week later. Since then I've had a few dreams reminding me of how he was before the Alzheimers took over; as time goes on they are fewer, as the last few years of his life fade into the rearview mirror.

drssg · Apr 23, 2019

ultrarunner, I have no experience in dealing with Alzheimer's, but it sounds to me like you could benefit from some home health care assistance. You deserve to get a decent night's sleep, and going without for an extended time will damage your health. If she would accept another person in the house, it would seem useful to have someone intercept her at 2:30AM and explain repeatedly that she's not late for church.

We had the best luck with people that were recommended by friends, but we also used people from home health care businesses with good results. It's not that expensive, because you don't need skilled nursing care - just a decent person to give you a break. If you have any chores or cleanup work around the house, a lot of them will do stuff during down time.

Good luck.

dieselcrawler · Apr 23, 2019

Here's a small glimpse of the man I'm lucky to had as a father...

An Earth Day Tribute to Bill Hughes - FracTracker Alliance

Big Barn · Apr 23, 2019

dieselcrawler said:
Here's a small glimpse of the man I'm lucky to had as a father...

An Earth Day Tribute to Bill Hughes - FracTracker Alliance

Thank you for posting that. It was interesting reading.

And sorry for your loss. He will be missed by many.

ultrarunner · Apr 24, 2019

drssg said:
ultrarunner, I have no experience in dealing with Alzheimer's, but it sounds to me like you could benefit from some home health care assistance. You deserve to get a decent night's sleep, and going without for an extended time will damage your health. If she would accept another person in the house, it would seem useful to have someone intercept her at 2:30AM and explain repeatedly that she's not late for church.

We had the best luck with people that were recommended by friends, but we also used people from home health care businesses with good results. It's not that expensive, because you don't need skilled nursing care - just a decent person to give you a break. If you have any chores or cleanup work around the house, a lot of them will do stuff during down time.

Good luck.

She is becoming more receptive but was 100% adamant against until the last week or so... my home is nearby but I stay at Mom's... take care of all cooking, shopping, doc appointments, bills, etc... thankfully starting work early means I can be at her home by 12:30 each day...

Mom takes no meds... she is physically extremely healthy and all those years of clean living and healthy habits and running marathons and Ultras well into her 70's has her docs saying she has the heart rate etc. of someone 40 years younger... the ironic part is I meet a lot of people sharp as can be but bedridden or need assistance to use the toilet or bathe... strange how that works.

In a perfect world the kids would rally but it ain't going to happen... they all have lives and kids proms, sports, etc...

Diggin It · Apr 24, 2019

ultrarunner said:
He retired with a big send off... his students bought tickets for Hamilton as a send off he retired on a Thursday and Saturday was the show... he missed the show as he suffered a massive heart attack Friday in his sleep...

The only way to go. Quick, sudden, unexpected and with little or no suffering. Hopefully he didn't even know it.