Property use by professional photographer

[Industrial Toys]

I knew people in Northern Quebec where vengence and retaliation was rampant. I'm surprised your house didn't burn down, with you in it.

 

[Sigarms]

My in-laws told a professional photographer that they can use my farm as one of their photo shoot locations in return for free pictures of their daughter "for life" whatever that means. It was not cleared with me, just mentioned in passing but not posed as a question. Now, photographer is coming out to scout locations on the property. Anyone have any thoughts or ideas on how to handle this type of arrangement?

Some background: We gave them a parcel of land on our farm to build their house. I told them when we first gave them the land that we are more than happy for their family (including their grown kids and grandkids) to use the whole farm anytime and bring their friends. We would NOT be comfortable with them just allowing others to come out without them to use the property. Then, one day this Spring, they told me they were going to let some kids come fish in the pond that day - not anyone they knew, just kids that looked the property up on Google Earth and knew someone from their church. We have livestock and also lease pasture to cattleman so gates and the animal welfare is an issue. They were not happy they had to then stay with the kids the whole time they fished. It caused frustration on both sides.

We thought we were doing a good thing giving them a place to build out in the country. Now, it's becoming an area of stress for me. This is a little more of a rant than a question but appreciate the forum and any advice from people in this situation and how they share their land with in-laws while maintaining good relationship AND safety/security/peace on the land!

1 - Tell the photographer if he is on YOUR property, to get off YOUR PROPERTY.
2 - Tell your inlaws that the land YOU gave them is there land, but only that property you gave them.
3 - You husband better be getting into the mix of this and not have you be the "bad cop" when having to deal with your husband's parents.

Your inlaws seem to be taking a lot of things for granted where proper manners are required IMO, they should ask you and your husband first before they decide to do anything on YOUR property.

I agree with the other poster, will need to learn to use the word "NO" in the future with your inlaws.

I can understand the source of stress over this. The truth is this whole situation may not get any better once you start to set boundaries on what they are and aren't allowed to do on YOUR property.

EDIT - The only question I'm thinking to myself is if you they knew they lived in their own reality and don't use common sense before you gave them a piece of land per their line of reasoning? (noted in red per your post). I'm sorry, the nicest way to put it is I'm not certain what world they are from.

I did also bold your comment on "their family". I'm assuming they are your husbands parents. The reality is they are now YOUR family as well as those related to your husband. Their is different shades of craziness within families IMO, but it seems your inlaws are bordering on the black color, which means to stay away from them. I'm just surprised you didn't see this coming?

 

[3Ts]

I've had a family member tell me that since I let them borrow something, they now own it. And another one told me that after he broke a tool that I let him borrow that since it was mine, it was up to me to pay for the repair.

So much for being helpful, the answer now is always no! And the "No!" did cause ill feelings, but life goes on and things work out one way or another.

 

[ultrarunner]

Unknown photographers are no longer welcome at the farm...

One came in with permission for a family shoot... they brought their dog because the dog is family... well the dog ran wild and terrorized livestock and injured poultry... and that was the end of that.

These are professional services being charge for by the photographer which can really complicate things even if the owner is not getting a cent... just not worth it.

There was an exception made and it worked out great... see the farm was purchased from the original homestead family that homesteaded back in the 1800's... family was coming in from all over... some had only heard of the family farm and asked to hold a rehearsal dinner fully catered with porta-potty trailer and whole 9 yards with certificates of insurance presented and verified...

It was a very memorable event and learned a lot of history that otherwise would have remained unknown... so exceptions happen for the right reason...

Back on point... photography is often under capitalized meaning done on a shoestring budget... just too many things to go wrong with strangers turned loose on farm property with no one to enforce.

 

[Jstpssng]

I knew people in Northern Quebec where vengence and retaliation was rampant. I'm surprised your house didn't burn down, with you in it.

I was thinking the same, knowing how rough fishermen down here can be. Yet in this case he was pretty subtle, and they apparently realized that they were in the wrong.

 

[Industrial Toys]

I stayed in a garage in Northern Quebec, which I wired with various electrical services for these people, in the 80s, because their house WAS burned down through neighbour disputes. Apparently, they couldn't keep game wardens either, and I am not talking of them quitting.

 

[EddieWalker]

Might be time for separate gates and a fence around the in laws parcel. Some people will never understand boundaries, or care how their actions affects others. Selfish is how I describe most people. If you try to talk to them, they will hear what they want to hear, and not what you are saying.

 

[Sigarms]

Might be time for separate gates and a fence around the in laws parcel. Some people will never understand boundaries, or care how their actions affects others. Selfish is how I describe most people. If you try to talk to them, they will hear what they want to hear, and not what you are saying.

I don't disagree with your suggested plan of action, but can you imagine the next holiday get together

The irony is people getting upset at you because they don't use common manners / sense, but you're still to blame for THEIR actions.

 

[TheMan419]

Thanks! I will look into that.

You don't need to look into it! Just SAY you looked into it and that is the deal. Sorry my insurance company won't let me is always good excuse!

 

[NorTracNY]

This should not be a stress for you. You married into this family. That relationship is different than being born and raised into it. The only stress should be your husband having to put on his adult pants and have a firm clear discussion with his mommy and daddy. If there is stress, I'm guessing that it's because of your relationship with your husband. Is he not in agreement with you on how this should be handled? Is he ok with what his parents are doing? I do agree with most of those posting here that a clear NO needs to be established, but I don't think it should be coming from the daughter-in-law. There's no reason that your in-laws should be thinking that you're the complainer.