My Brothers Estate

[Sigarms]

At the risk of running this off the rails, California just pass a law allowing human composting. I might get put into the wife's garden some day if I go that route. Of course if all her plants died she have me to blame.

I attended a friends funeral for his daughter who died of natural causes at age 23 here in NC.

They buried her on their property about 100 yards in a small field behind their house.

In NC, there is no state law prohibiting the burial of a body on private property and there is also no state law requiring the use of coffin. However, you would need to check with the county clerk of any local health codes you must the town or county clerk and local health department on any rules you must follow locally.

Between us and our neighbor, about 100 yards up the road, family members of one family are buried under a oak tree. Most people miss it, but if you look, you can see the headstones under the trees limbs.

Interesting read...

How You Can Be Buried on Your Own Property In All 50 States

How You Can Be Buried On Your Own Property In All 50 States | Burial Laws By State | How To Have A Home Burial | Burials On Private Land In The USA | Preparing The Body And Grave | Ohio | Michigan

www.romemonuments.com

Ironically enough, California is one of a handful that does not allow this. If you scroll down through the article, it lists every state. Texas is a lot like NC.

On a personal note, It is interesting to the some of the local differences as to "viewings" the day before the funeral (generally held at the funeral home) from when I attended funerals when I was a kid up north to down in NC (my wife from Vermont has noticed the same nuances as well, then again, up in Vermont, you don't get buried during the winter. My grandmother was the last person I remember having their own "viewing to pay your respects" in her own home.

Everyone mourns and grieves differently. We've actually had a lot of close personal deaths in our family this year and last year, probably more than I've had in my life. I do think "times" are changing to more of a celebration of life event where people try to remember all the good instead of making it a "sad" event. My father use to tell me of some of the Irish wakes he went to where the body was actually laid in bar and everyone pretty much got drunk celebrating the person being laid to rest. Although my dad didn't have an Irish wake (added he wasn't Irish), after his internment at the national cemetery, we did have a open bar at the restaurant right down the road where some great fellowship was had. Everyone who came told me told me afterwards it was a great event and they were glad they came. My father wouldn't wanted people to be sad, but to have a good time. I had some extended family from Jersey come who I never met before. My cousin told me they were blown away because it was the "happiest and fun" funeral they'd ever been to before (only time I cried that day was when the honor guard let out some volleys and played taps). I know my father was smiling that day.

Apologies, a little off topic at the end. I guess my only point, and it's not my place to tell people what to do, but Eddie, during this time of loss, just try to remember all the good, and remember, sooner or later, we will all see our loved ones again

 

[MossRoad]

That's interesting. Our family's, both my wife's and mine, have always had either a luncheon at someone's home or party at a bar/American Legion after the funeral services or visitations. Depending on the person that passed, circumstances, and their immediate family, it was either a quiet affair or raucous event. The recent pandemic made some of the events a bit smaller. They are getting larger again.

 

[JasperFrank]

When my younger brother died, at age 50, I was a bit shocked at the out come. I had no ideal how many people came to pay respects in the big party we had. Huge racks of food on the grills. It must have been over 300, and we set off fireworks, big fireworks, all though out the night and in to early morning, more, till dawn, silly drinking, than I could have imagined. Cops never came to shut it down. They did come to see what was happening, and I told them is was my brother's wake, and they said "OKAY" and left, as there had been no complaints from the locals that were at the event: Or near the event. It was an entire spontaneous community blow out. And I re-met people, I had not seen in 30 years. I am a bit jealous now, that my wake could never match this. Still I Loved this Brother, and it was a best send off.

 

[MossRoad]

My mom's dad always said he wanted a marching band funeral procession from the fairgrounds in Carthage (Hamilton county, north of Cincinnati) to the cemetery when he died. My mom and her sisters tried, even had a high school band lined up, but they couldn't get a parade permit.

 

[Jstpssng]

My mom's dad always said he wanted a marching band funeral procession from the fairgrounds in Carthage (Hamilton county, north of Cincinnati) to the cemetery when he died. My mom and her sisters tried, even had a high school band lined up, but they couldn't get a parade permit.

I tried to get my father's old Model "A" for his last ride, but it wasn't running. In hindsight I should have tried to find a club to ask.
It would have been a fitting tribute to him.

 

[Semper Paratus]

After the grave side for both of my parents, which was about an hour and a half from their residence my sister and I took all interested folks to the Southern/Chinese buffet in the small MS town. No beer or wine...I think although the county was no longer dry the incorporated town was.

 

[Sigarms]

That's interesting. Our family's, both my wife's and mine, have always had either a luncheon at someone's home or party at a bar/American Legion after the funeral services or visitations. Depending on the person that passed, circumstances, and their immediate family, it was either a quiet affair or raucous event. The recent pandemic made some of the events a bit smaller. They are getting larger again.

In hindsight, I think it can be more of a "family thing" than a regional thing.

Most funerals I've gone to in NC were mostly Southern Baptist. In some aspects though, no different than some of my aunts up north whom both my father and I would agree with were "prim and popper" with a very long church and gravesite service. Then again, here in NC I went to pay my respects and some were during work days. However, even at my fathers "event" at the funeral home, after the event at the funeral home, I explained the itinerary to the cemetery (45 minute drive) along with the gathering afterwards for fellowship so there was no miscommunication.

Then again, here in NC, people will actually stop in the middle the road for a funeral procession if they're in another lane driving opposite in traffic. Can never recall that actually happening up north.

Only requirement when I'm gone is no one wears a suit, short service, and everyone have a good time and I'll see you sooner or later again.

One thing I have found though that is nice through experience, is to put a video presentation of the persons life together with pictures over the years, along with music of their favorite songs. This may sound draconian or harsh, but what I've found is to actually include it in the service where people have to watch it. Generally, funeral homes can put something together, but they play it in a side-room and no one watches it in it's entirety (I figure it's the least I can do for the person and family is actually watch their life over the years). Couple months ago we went to a big shin dig celebration of life event for a good friend of my wife's (and who I grew fond of as well). He went at age 80 due to cancer and he wasn't big on religion. This guy traveled the world, and loved to hike and we kind of had the same odd humor. He also did work in Africa trying to help those less fortunate and is what I would consider a professional photographer. They had a live band, food and drink, and they played his life with a lot of the pictures he took up on a large screen in the room. What I did notice though that a lot of people never took the time at their tables to actually watch the video presentation because everyone was to busy socializing with each other or eating. This is only my opinion (and we know what they're like) but for myself, it was kind of disrespectful to both the person we were gathering for and his family not to watch his life over the years considering he was the reason why we were there.

 

[MossRoad]

In hindsight, I think it can be more of a "family thing" than a regional thing.

Most funerals I've gone to in NC were mostly Southern Baptist. In some aspects though, no different than some of my aunts up north whom both my father and I would agree with were "prim and popper" with a very long church and gravesite service. Then again, here in NC I went to pay my respects and some were during work days. However, even at my fathers "event" at the funeral home, after the event at the funeral home, I explained the itinerary to the cemetery (45 minute drive) along with the gathering afterwards for fellowship so there was no miscommunication.

Then again, here in NC, people will actually stop in the middle the road for a funeral procession if they're in another lane driving opposite in traffic. Can never recall that actually happening up north.

Only requirement when I'm gone is no one wears a suit, short service, and everyone have a good time and I'll see you sooner or later again.

One thing I have found though that is nice through experience, is to put a video presentation of the persons life together with pictures over the years, along with music of their favorite songs. This may sound draconian or harsh, but what I've found is to actually include it in the service where people have to watch it. Generally, funeral homes can put something together, but they play it in a side-room and no one watches it in it's entirety (I figure it's the least I can do for the person and family is actually watch their life over the years). Couple months ago we went to a big shin dig celebration of life event for a good friend of my wife's (and who I grew fond of as well). He went at age 80 due to cancer and he wasn't big on religion. This guy traveled the world, and loved to hike and we kind of had the same odd humor. He also did work in Africa trying to help those less fortunate and is what I would consider a professional photographer. They had a live band, food and drink, and they played his life with a lot of the pictures he took up on a large screen in the room. What I did notice though that a lot of people never took the time at their tables to actually watch the video presentation because everyone was to busy socializing with each other or eating. This is only my opinion (and we know what they're like) but for myself, it was kind of disrespectful to both the person we were gathering for and his family not to watch his life over the years considering he was the reason why we were there.

Well, one way to think of it could be that so many people lived so many parts of this persons life with them that they didn't need to watch it because they were there for so much of it.

But I do know what you mean. Wife and I always make it a point to watch at a funeral until it repeats so we know we saw all of it.

I spent 42 years with my father in-law. There wasn't anything I didn't know about the man, his family, his life. My wife's family and friends were and still are quite close. Heck, my mother in-law and my wife both still have close friends from grade school. So did my father in-law. Crazy how if you stay in the same place all of your life, a few will also stay, and you keep in touch. Wife and I are close friends with her parents' friends and children. To say we have been to some very large gatherings would be an understatement.

 

[IndyJay]

My mom's dad always said he wanted a marching band funeral procession from the fairgrounds in Carthage (Hamilton county, north of Cincinnati) to the cemetery when he died. My mom and her sisters tried, even had a high school band lined up, but they couldn't get a parade permit.

Spring Grove?

 

[MossRoad]

Spring Grove?

I think so. It's been many years.