Parents with dementia, how dealing with that has gone.

[ArlyA]

Folks. I've been in northern MN for a few weeks to move the spouses parents into assisted living. Her mom developed dementia and her dad has declined ability to care for her over the past year. Spouse had been in Ely for over a month now to help them move and now we're cleaning out the place which is quite the job since they bought the place in the early 1960s. Gee whiz this is a job, and we have a dumpster order. House is going up for sale etc, etc. This is why I've not been posting much.

 

[EddieWalker]

Sorry to hear about your wife's parents. Dementia is horrible. My dad passed away in October from it. Every day is just a little worse.

 

[ArlyA]

Sorry to hear about your wife's parents. Dementia is horrible. My dad passed away in October from it. Every day is just a little worse.

Thanks

 

[MoKelly]

Dementia is cruel. It’s horrible.

God bless. Do the best you can to care for your parents.

 

[ericm979]

I probably should have gotten a dumpster for both my moms and my dad's houses but I did a lot of goodwill and dump runs instead.

I think being a spouse (or friend) of the children helps since you're less emotional about the objects. There were a couple pieces of mom's furniture that I grew up with and couldn't bear put in the dump. So they went into the barn here, which wasn't the best environment. I'll probably have to put them in the dump after all.

 

[ArlyA]

I should add that my spouse works ful time but got time off with pto banked pay. Because of a federal law they can't fire her. If she couldn't have got paid time off, we couldn't be here.

 

[workinonit]

I've been down that same road. 50 years of accumulated "stuff" that nobody really wanted with a few obvious exceptions. I completely filled a 40 cu yd dumpster and hauled scrap metal and crap from daddy's shop by the truck loads. My mom would have beat us for throwing away some of the things we did but it's the best thing we ever did.

 

[2manyrocks]

Sorry you're going through this. Around here, folks used to have auctions to sell off the personal property and the real estate, but sometimes you're in a situation where you have to just deal with it yourself.

 

[riptides]

Sorry you and the SO are dealing with this.

It is so stressful and don't neglect yourselves when dealing with this.

Good luck to you, all.

 

[Ricn]

Tough job, prayers for you. My brother and I did this some years ago, we made it real easy by getting a couple large dumpsters.

 

[kenmbz]

We are going in that direction with my dad and his GF. He is doing the random memory thing and can't get into/out of a car easily. His GF has heart and drinking problems.
My Uncle, his brother is also going downhill at the same time.
Both on opposite coast from me and my brother.

I hope you can get through this without too much pain on the old homestead. I wish I could get my Dad to even see a Dr, but that's hard with both him and his GF being very combative.

Sometimes just have to go with the flow. Make sure bills are paid and the family, including you and the MRs. can have some quality of life through this.

Our prayers for you.

 

[ArlyA]

Sorry you're going through this. Around here, folks used to have auctions to sell off the personal property and the real estate, but sometimes you're in a situation where you have to just deal with it yourself.

When we come back, we'll post a few item's FS or free on the local Facebook page.

 

[Topzide]

Thoughts are will you and the Misses with having to deal with this.
Commend you for being there with her and the difficulties that she's dealing with. It's very hard to have to cull through life's collections. Have been through it twice already. Once, my grandmother and then an aunt. Sentiment is the hardest to overcome about what to do with certain items!
As stated, take time to decompress and talk through things.

 

[newbury]

A timely thread.
My daughter introduced me to a new term:
Death Cleaning (if you have not heard of it, google it).

She's scared because my wife and I were trained "Use it up, wear it out, make it do or do without".

Right now I'm setting in my deceased (June 2023) MIL's house during a break in helping clean out her clutter. She was 98 (RIP) and a serious gatherer of stuff (but not a hoarder) for probably 91nof those years.

My BIL and my wife carefully go through EVERY ITEM of the lady that trained them to save everything. I've heard 30 minute discussions on if they should save little knick nacks that she got from cereal boxes in the 1950's.
My BIL is an intelligent successful Doctor still in practice. My wife is a relatively intelligent multi-degreed Attorney (I write relatively because she did marry ME) who retired after a very successful career.
They both know that the items they are spending HOURS AND HOURS on are worthless in the scheme of things.
All items are photographed, scanned, sent in messages to about 30+ offspring and close relatives (scattered world wide) offered up as "does anyone want this?". My phone chimes constantly. This has been going on since a week before my MIL passed away in the hospice. In the last week probably 20 items out of several hundred have had takers.
But still the process goes on.
Two nights ago they spent hours discussing a total of 18 thimbles, estimated value diddly squat, no takers on the message list, but lot's of comments.
This a modern day grieving process.
The rare vase or picture gets requested but the opportunity for relatives and others to see and discuss long lost (and forgotten) mementoes is priceless.
I estimate this may go on for another 6 months.

 

[ArlyA]

Interesting finds. Old cameras and your how to do blasting book. He spent his entire life in the iron mines. View of the garage but lots of stuff already out.

 

[riptides]

A timely thread.
My daughter introduced me to a new term:
Death Cleaning (if you have not heard of it, google it).

She's scared because my wife and I were trained "Use it up, wear it out, make it do or do without".

Right now I'm setting in my deceased (June 2023) MIL's house during a break in helping clean out her clutter. She was 98 (RIP) and a serious gatherer of stuff (but not a hoarder) for probably 91nof those years.

My BIL and my wife carefully go through EVERY ITEM of the lady that trained them to save everything. I've heard 30 minute discussions on if they should save little knick nacks that she got from cereal boxes in the 1950's.
My BIL is an intelligent successful Doctor still in practice. My wife is a relatively intelligent multi-degreed Attorney (I write relatively because she did marry ME) who retired after a very successful career.
They both know that the items they are spending HOURS AND HOURS on are worthless in the scheme of things.
All items are photographed, scanned, sent in messages to about 30+ offspring and close relatives (scattered world wide) offered up as "does anyone want this?". My phone chimes constantly. This has been going on since a week before my MIL passed away in the hospice. In the last week probably 20 items out of several hundred have had takers.
But still the process goes on.
Two nights ago they spent hours discussing a total of 18 thimbles, estimated value diddly squat, no takers on the message list, but lot's of comments.
This a modern day grieving process.
The rare vase or picture gets requested but the opportunity for relatives and others to see and discuss long lost (and forgotten) mementoes is priceless.
I estimate this may go on for another 6 months.

Sorry for your troubles.

Same boat different oar. Wifes parents in the process of cleaning out their house. I just got 20 bottles of spray paint the other day. And a fit was made about giving them up.
On my dad's estate....5 months in and still dealing with lawyers and cops.

My kids are not going to experience this.

Hope all can stay positive through these times.

 

[tacticalturnip]

Dementia is terrifying; I'm sorry your other-half's mother is going through this. Just take the cleaning and sorting as it comes, it's going to be emotional.

I'm sorry you and the missus are going through this, and it's admirable, the extent your doing your best to be there for her and her parents. It's not easy, for anyone, and I'm sure they really need and appreciate you.

You take care of yourself, and your family; TBN will be here when you've got the down time.

 

[ArlyA]

Sorry for your troubles.

Same boat different oar. Wifes parents in the process of cleaning out their house. I just got 20 bottles of spray paint the other day. And a fit was made about giving them up.
On my dad's estate....5 months in and still dealing with lawyers and cops.

My kids are not going to experience this.

Hope all can stay positive through these times.

They just had two kids, a boy and girl and I married her. The brother resides 14 hour drive away but was up and helped a bit. So far everyone has been cordial.

 

[ericm979]

So far everyone has been cordial.

That's great! It often goes the other way.

 

[jyoutz]

What my brother and I did after both parents passed: first he and I and my sons took what we wanted, second we had an auction company come to the house and prepare an estate sale. Then what remained, we took to charity thrift stores or the dumpster. I was surprised at all of the things people actually bought at the estate sale. Things that I would have thrown in the dumpster.