Parents with dementia, how dealing with that has gone.

[ultrarunner]

Nothing quite prepares one but with a little grace inner strengths can be tapped.

Dementia is when the filters fade…

It’s been a year and the process continues… I may never clear everything but now it’s on my timeline.

I have seen families store things for decades only to be tossed…

Living in times where less is more it can be a challenge and I admire those able to focus on the task.

Keeping you in my prayers and thoughts…

 

[ultrarunner]

What my brother and I did after both parents passed: first he and I and my sons took what we wanted, second we had an auction company come to the house and prepare an estate sale. Then what remained, we took to charity thrift stores or the dumpster. I was surprised at all of the things people actually bought at the estate sale. Things that I would have thrown in the dumpster.

Estate Sales use to be a thing but rare now here.

I think some of my co workers will never forgive relatives leaving behind a household of belongings…

Sad because unless you accept the task of executor no one says you have to do anything…

Brother is a Real Estate broker and every year a distant executor will sight unseen list a property and task the Realtor to dispose of everything and get the property sold… so I know it happens.

In another example entire estates are left to charity or the church…

 

[jyoutz]

Estate Sales use to be a thing but rare now here.

I think some of my co workers will never forgive relatives leaving behind a household of belongings…

Sad because unless you accept the task of executor no one says you have to do anything…

Brother is a Real Estate broker and every year a distant executor will sight unseen list a property and task the Realtor to dispose of everything and get the property sold… so I know it happens.

In another example entire estates are left to charity or the church…

Our estate sale last September was quite successful. And the sale managers did all of the work. We were pleased with the outcome.

 

[ultrarunner]

I’m thinking location and or community makes a big difference…

Saw my high school friend when he came back to clear out the family home after dad passed.

He reached out to estate sale firms and several flat out said they exclude Oakland.

Another asked for pictures and wanted a guaranteed minimum of several thousand.

Short answer is he asked neighbors to help themselves and donated a lot to St Vincent Society and the rest for the Realtor to deal with.

Brothers in-laws had a small family farm estate sale in Illinois and couldn’t believe how well it went… someone even bought a pile of old boards from the barn, 1930 signs, Maytag gas washer, plows, shaker cabinet… everyone was happy…

 

[jyoutz]

I’m thinking location and or community makes a big difference…

Saw my high school friend when he came back to clear out the family home after dad passed.

He reached out to estate sale firms and several flat out said they exclude Oakland.

Another asked for pictures and wanted a guaranteed minimum of several thousand.

Short answer is he asked neighbors to help themselves and donated a lot to St Vincent Society and the rest for the Realtor to deal with.

Brothers in-laws had a small family farm estate sale in Illinois and couldn’t believe how well it went… someone even bought a pile of old boards from the barn, 1930 signs, Maytag gas washer, plows, shaker cabinet… everyone was happy…

My parents estate sale was in a small mountain town in northern Arizona.

 

[ultrarunner]

My parents estate sale was in a small mountain town in northern Arizona.

Makes sense... urban ares with barred windows guessing not as lucrative...

 

[Thomas]

Thoughts prayers to family.

 

[HawkinsHollow]

So sad to hear this Arly, way to be there to support your wife in these hard times.

That is a pretty cool recumbent bike in the garage, a good handful of gems in there.

Luckily my parents just moved from Illinois to Tennessee to live closer to my brother and I. My mom had LOTS of stuff. My dad had 75 years worth of stuff in his garage. Luckily I took all the good stuff, but there was lots of other stuff that got left. They had to pare down considerably to make this move, and I appreciate them for that. For moving closer and the effort it took to get here. My mom is beside herself with joy to be here though and that is what is most important, that she is happy.

On the flipside. And maybe this is an idea for another thread as not to hijack Arly's thread. I have LOTS of stuff too. I am only 49 so I have plenty of time to use this stuff. But how can we live more mindfully as we age to not leave our offspring in this same situtation? I know you guys have shops full of stuff too.

 

[FPGT72]

Sorry you're going through this. Around here, folks used to have auctions to sell off the personal property and the real estate, but sometimes you're in a situation where you have to just deal with it yourself.

Auctions are a bit odd it seems today. When my mother died I had a 3500sq foot house FULL of "old lady" stuff.....and two gray hounds. I got lucky with the dogs as the officer they sent out wanted them, great they are yours. The cop called some family member and inside of an hour they are gone. Not bad dogs, just not trained at all past house training.

The Auctions, I bet I called about a dozen companies to see if they wanted to come out and do something with all this artsy fartsy crap she had. What I think happened is they took one look at the address, older and poorer, as well as border line rougher part of town and said they are not interested. Then I send the last company a few pics of this crap, oh yea they are interested, and the funny thing is 3 of the companies that had told me no called me back saying they would love to do the auction for me. I asked them if the letters FO mean anything to them. I was not in the best frame of mind, and I had not talked to my mother in years, she did try to kidnap my child, but that is a story for a different thread.

What ended up happening is a guy that got cleaned out in a divorce wanted to buy the house and everything that was in it, down to the last spoon and fork. Well that is a winner. You can have it all but these few things and he was cool with that.

Hopefully the family is cool, you learn a great deal about people once someone dies, it is usually (never) good.

 

[RjCorazza]

We dealt with clearing out my parents home in 2019. Siblings all discussed and removed sentimental items, which was time consuming, but worth it. Remaining items were managed and sold at the estate sale, with a lot going to charity or the dump.

What I learned was that at the end of the day it's all just "stuff".
Sorry you are going through this, and I wish you the best.