Parents with dementia, how dealing with that has gone.

[Runner]

Arly, I was in your situation a few years ago. Hang in there. My process lasted a number years, from my Mom going into assisted living and eventually to skilled nursing unit. Had to clean out the house with 60 years of possessions. This was the house I grew up in that my parents literally built with their bare hands.

A couple of things that surprised me:

First, banks and other institutions seem to balk at power of attorney documents that are old. My Mom assigned me as power of attorney in 1992 and had a signed, notarized document so stating, but banks said it was "too old". I thought the whole idea of power of attorney was to make the arrangement early so it would be ready when/if needed. I finally wound up having to get and attorney to draw up a new one for us to stop the hassles. And, by the way, our lawyer had a good idea, he specifically listed items in the POA he knew would be problematic, like trusts, annuities, bank accounts, etc. This helped immensely.

Second, I was surprised at how much stuff (furniture, appliances) would disappear just by setting it out in the front yard with a "free" sign on it. Not talking about nice stuff, but old 1970's chairs, used old washers/dryers, old beds/mattresses. People were literally fighting over them in the driveway.

For me, getting rid of the "stuff" was the hardest physical work, but dealing with all the legal stuff was most difficult and time-consuming.

I wish you the best in this endeavor.

 

[sixdogs]

Folks. I've been in northern MN for a few weeks to move the spouses parents into assisted living. Her mom developed dementia and her dad has declined ability to care for her over the past year. Spouse had been in Ely for over a month now to help them move and now we're cleaning out the place which is quite the job since they bought the place in the early 1960s. Gee whiz this is a job, and we have a dumpster order. House is going up for sale etc, etc. This is why I've not been posting much.

It's good that you're there for them and willing to step up to the plate. They would have done it for you and it's a kind gesture on your part. I think that somehow, they know.

 

[ArlyA]

We dealt with clearing out my parents home in 2019. Siblings all discussed and removed sentimental items, which was time consuming, but worth it. Remaining items were managed and sold at the estate sale, with a lot going to charity or the dump.

What I learned was that at the end of the day it's all just "stuff".
Sorry you are going through this, and I wish you the best.

Man you got that right but we need to get rid of "stuff" before a certain age or "i might need that" takes over all rational. The siblings are taking items of emotional value. Some items went to Good Will, just a few will go to fb marketplace. The rest in in the dumpter. The brother-in-law has already told me "that can be sold, someone would want that!" And my response is "I agree, you a free to do that," and the suggestion ends there. My spouse has done 90% of the work her. Here brother didn't even think to bring a trailer. Yes, we suggested he do so.

 

[MossRoad]

Interesting finds. Old cameras and your how to do blasting book. He spent his entire life in the iron mines. View of the garage but lots of stuff already out.View attachment 871373View attachment 871375View attachment 871376

Blasters handbook... keep that for sentimental reasons. I have my dads Army demolitions manual from WWII sitting in the curio cabinet.

 

[MossRoad]

Man you got that right but we need to get rid of "stuff" before a certain age or "i might need that" takes over all rational. The siblings are taking items of emotional value. Some items went to Good Will, just a few will go to fb marketplace. The rest in in the dumpter. The brother-in-law has already told me "that can be sold, someone would want that!" And my response is "I agree, you a free to do that," and the suggestion ends there. My spouse has done 90% of the work her. Here brother didn't even think to bring a trailer. Yes, we suggested he do so.

When my father died, my siblings and I split up the things we wanted, filled a cube van for St. Vincent DePaul, a cube van for Goodwill, and three 20 yd dumpsters. We thought about doing a sale, but the donations to SVD and GW felt pretty good and more likely what the folks would have wanted.

Good luck.

 

[ArlyA]

Blasters handbook... keep that for sentimental reasons. I have my dads Army demolitions manual from WWII sitting in the curio cabinet.

This one was written by Dupont corp for mine operations. One of the photos or a print in it are Dupont and Thomas Jefferson conferring on building location.

 

[caver]

I keep reminding my mom, to get rid of it or it's likely to end up in a dumpster. Lots of nick knack clutter. She still has old clothes that are like new from my older brothers estate. She grew up poor so hates to throw stuff away. She looks at charities as some sort of money laundering scheme. I'm leery of most charities but thankfully we now have another thrift store in town besides $$Goodwill.

 

[ArlyA]

Got back last night and my dearest is heading back to work for 3 days. (I just retired in March) She assumes its a piled up mess in her department. In her home town, they had a brand new powered of attorney drawn up but 1/2 her time was spent going to another bank to sign more papers, getting the assisted living unit to do this and that, and getting drugs who her folks were running out of found that had been send to the wrong pharmacy. Between making calls, seeing here folks, going back to signing yet more papers, very little time was spend organizing there belongings. We are heading back over the weekend.

 

[ultrarunner]

Got back last night and my dearest is heading back to work for 3 days. (I just retired in March) She assumes its a piled up mess in her department. In her home town, they had a brand new powered of attorney drawn up but 1/2 her time was spent going to another bank to sign more papers, getting the assisted living unit to do this and that, and getting drugs who her folks were running out of found that had been send to the wrong pharmacy. Between making calls, seeing here folks, going back to signing yet more papers, very little time was spend organizing there belongings. We are heading back over the weekend.

Without at least 1 advocate the outlook for anyone needing help is hit or miss at best

 

[FPGT72]

I keep reminding my mom, to get rid of it or it's likely to end up in a dumpster. Lots of nick knack clutter. She still has old clothes that are like new from my older brothers estate. She grew up poor so hates to throw stuff away. She looks at charities as some sort of money laundering scheme. I'm leery of most charities but thankfully we now have another thrift store in town besides $$Goodwill.

My inlaws are "down sizing", and me and the kid are getting all their junk. They have really gone off the deep end IMHO, the wife tried to give them this little tool that makes opening jars far more easy. We don't need that we are downsizing, we need to thin things out. I got a DVD player I gave them about 10 years ago back, along with a quart of used motor oil the father in law had just changed the oil in the mower. Well thanks I guess.

My mother was just the reverse, she had file cabinets full of stuff, cancelled checks from 1972, why would you keep that. The reciept from the car your father bought you in 1954, why do you have that. Even stuff for things she never got, the paperwork on my uncles car from 1960 that again my grandfather bought for him. Why do you have this stuff. I had a nice big fire.