Parents with dementia, how dealing with that has gone.

[ArlyA]

My spouse has not spoken with her dear brother since he took dad for a tour of the empty house, which broke his heart. And gave him his car back which he will crash in, or hurt others with. All in fun.

 

[ultrarunner]

I've seen families that never recovered...

Right now I'm on the fringe with a neighbor who is 85 and a widow...

4 kids and one passed this year at 52 with a heart attack... he was always checking on mom.

She has a lovely home and gets around but forgetful...

She vented to her sister out of state she is all alone since the youngest died... sister called the local PD who referred to the elder unit and now no one is talking to anyone...

The oldest son, 5 minutes away, has said he is selling and moving out of State... it really got to him...

Looks like she will be moving to a facility using money from selling the home...

 

[Runner]

Looks like she will be moving to a facility using money from selling the home...

Hope she's got more money than that or is at least eligible for Medicaid because whatever she gets from the house won't last long.

 

[ultrarunner]

Hope she's got more money than that or is at least eligible for Medicaid because whatever she gets from the house won't last long.

House is probably 1.2m +/-

Memory care is 10k+ per month… but I know 150k annually is possible…

Strange how it all shakes out and sometimes it’s the daughter in laws with the real power…

 

[newbury]

If you're going to break it up, how will you get the parts to the dump?

3 or 4 of us will pick up pieces and put them in the the back of a truck.

 

[Sigarms]

I've seen families that never recovered...

Right now I'm on the fringe with a neighbor who is 85 and a widow...

4 kids and one passed this year at 52 with a heart attack... he was always checking on mom.

She has a lovely home and gets around but forgetful...

She vented to her sister out of state she is all alone since the youngest died... sister called the local PD who referred to the elder unit and now no one is talking to anyone...

The oldest son, 5 minutes away, has said he is selling and moving out of State... it really got to him...

Looks like she will be moving to a facility using money from selling the home...

This may sound morbid, and I wouldn't wish it upon anyone, but dying in your older age while you still are "functioning" as a independent adult while not having a long hospital stay really isn't that bad of a way of checking out of this world IMO.

My dad had 3 great years with us living with us. When he became reliant upon my wife and I to do things for him that last year of his life (and he had to use a wheelchair to get out of the house), his life basically started to suck big time.

3 months before his death, we took the car to the basement, brought him up to our kitchen on the first floor, and had all you can eat crab legs. Took him back down to the basement, helped him with a bath in his walk in tub, then put him to sleep in bed that night (we removed the bed frame to lower the mattress to make it easier for him). I remember kissing him good night and him looking at me smiling telling me "you know, I had a GREAT DAY, would be the best day EVER if I didn't wake up tomorrow".

A great blessing was he only stayed in the hospital 2 days before he passed when we took him to the hospital in by ambulance after he fell.

 

[Sigarms]

My spouse has not spoken with her dear brother since he took dad for a tour of the empty house, which broke his heart. And gave him his car back which he will crash in, or hurt others with. All in fun.

I've read the entire thread, and did not see it mentioned, and of course this is a personal question you don't have to answer, but per your in laws, who has the power of attorney for both of them (I'm assuming you MIL in assisted living now as well who has dementia).

I'm not a lawyer, but my assumption is between a married couple, each has power of attorney over each other, but if both are incapacitated mentally to make decisions for themselves, my assumption is it would go to a family member pre determined by the couple to make decisions for them.

It's kind of apparent from what you're written that your wife is the one God gave the brains to in the family.

 

[ArlyA]

I'm not sure if her brother got "power of attorney" or not. I think he did but I'll ask.

 

[kenmbz]

We did get PA for my uncle, but not for my father, his GF seems to have that.
Boy does that mess things up as she can't make good decisions and is quite nasty.

So my dad lays in bed all day, while we make sure my uncle gets into a wheelchair and can move around.

 

[Sigarms]

I'm not sure if her brother got "power of attorney" or not. I think he did but I'll ask.

THAT is something you and your wife should know up front.

Just because of your thread, I called my MIL this morning.

I knew my wife was listed as executor of her (MIL) estate for financials, but I was wondering about healthcare. Turns out both my wife and her sister had have to agree on what happens to my MIL if she is hospitalized.

I'm a little worried. What happens if my wife and her sister disagree on what should happen to my MIL if she is in a hospital and her (my MIL) life is in both my wife's and sisters hands?

Long story short, I wouldn't trust my SIL to make a right decision on anything given her (SIL) own life and her own decisions she's made for herself...

If you're brother in law has the power of attorney to make decisions for his father and your wife has not say, that is a VERY difficult situation for your wife to be in because your brother in law has no brains IMO from what you've written about him and your FIL driving.

Reality is if you're FIL shouldn't be driving, no matter who has power of attorney, you're FIL should NOT be driving, but apparently you're BIL has overridden common sense. Worst case, your FIL's car keys should have been "lost"....