Parents with dementia, how dealing with that has gone.

[MossRoad]

Sometimes it comes down to being lonely… friends pass away or no longer can get out, family avoids or simply too busy.

I have met a fair share of lonely seniors.

Some are ok financially and others not so much.

One that is well off with pensions and a paid for upscale home from a lifetime of work is feeling more and more isolated… she started each day walking to church but her family says too dangerous at 85 to walk to church.

The woman made a generous donation to the church building fund and her kids changed the bank accounts for 2 signature required…

The mom says it’s my money why should they have anything to do with how it’s spent… she said they never go to church anyway.

Growing old isn’t for the faint of heart…

She tried ride share to placate the kids but 17 dollars each way said that’s crazy… especially since she enjoys walking.

She asked me to go to the bank with her but I respectfully declined only seeing problems ahead and I don’t know her kids as they are seldom if ever around…

They want her in a home…

Our parents told us many times...
"It's not your inheritance, it's our retirement."
We now tell our kids the same thing.

 

[ArlyA]

Since he has been driving his car across town and to his old house, he's been speaking with neighbors who have been helping him do things, we can't appreciate. If the car is in the garage he might ask them "I lost the garage key, can you help me get in?" and they break the door down for him. To eliminate this risk AND the chance his son will give him the keys back (again), we thought it might be prudent to remove the car from the premises to a garage they do not know of.

 

[ultrarunner]

Since he has been driving his car across town and to his old house, he's been speaking with neighbors who have been helping him do things, we can't appreciate. If the car is in the garage he might ask them "I lost the garage key, can you help me get in?" and they break the door down for him. To eliminate this risk AND the chance his son will give him the keys back (again), we thought it might be prudent to remove the car from the premises to a garage they do not know of.

Tread carefully…

Just last week Adult Protective Services was out in force when a tip said the woman’s son sold his mothers car…

He said she lost her license but was determined to drive… even calling a locksmith to make a new key.

Now there is an investigation…

The son sold the car with the entire proceeds deposited in his moms account and she signed the title.

She told neighbors her son is getting her a new car so they had to sell the old one…

 

[JasperFrank]

Just take the primary coil wire off. I would do this if someone was too plastered to drive and insisted after the offer of staying over night. It works 95% of the time. If they can figure it out, well, then I guess they could after all drive.

 

[ultrarunner]

Just take the primary coil wire off. I would do this if someone was too plastered to drive. It works 90% of the time. If they can figure it out, well, then I guess they could drive.

I would take the rotor and pull a fuse…

My cars still have rotors except the newest…

 

[ArlyA]

This is To eliminate this risk AND the chance his son will give him the keys back (again), we thought it might be prudent to remove the car from the premises to a garage they do not know of. It can't be sold and we never said we are doing that.

 

[ultrarunner]

This is To eliminate this risk AND the chance his son will give him the keys back (again), we thought it might be prudent to remove the car from the premises to a garage they do not know of. It can't be sold and we never said we are doing that.

I’m just worried about you personally from experience…

Not questioning your motives.

You can do something for all the right reasons and still end up in a lot of trouble even if in the end exonerated… the battle is draining and family dynamics may never recover.

At least it can play out this way in California.i

The person I referenced selling the car was because he was 110% certain the car would be reported stolen thereby making it a criminal case.

Selling with the owner signing and the money deposited in the owners account was the path the family choose opposed to having the parent declared incompetent.

 

[WinterDeere]

I don't know how many of you read the Walt Longmire books, actually Netflix made a TV series about them. But I'm getting visions of Lucian Connelly, thinking about Arly's FIL. Take your flak jacket. Arly!

 

[ArlyA]

I’m just worried about you personally from experience…

Not questioning your motives.

You can do something for all the right reasons and still end up in a lot of trouble even if in the end exonerated… the battle is draining and family dynamics may never recover.

At least it can play out this way in California.

Her brother who gave the keys back resides 14+ hours drive from them and not returning to help. If the dementia delusional dad kills someone or himself, what is the cost?

 

[BleedingOrange]

I would let the vehicle , so it is not reported stolen. Very easy to disable the vehicle. Find the fuel pump fuse, replace it with a blown one. If you want double protection, do the same with the main computer fuse.