Advice on helping neighbor

[Industrial Toys]

Even if I didn't want the stuff, I might be annoyed that someone just took it without consultation. Some clown started cutting Dead Elms in front of our property years ago. He claimed the municipality said he could which is TOTAL BS. For liability reasons, even the owner would not be given permission, although they would look the other way.

 

[Jstpssng]

I think it's a myth that there are women who object to having a door held for them (if all you're doing is holding the door, not leering or making a pass at them). I do it often for women and men and no one's ever given me a hard time or even a dirty look. Even in the more alternative parts of San Francisco. It's just plain good manners.

It's not snowed enough here to need a tractor in close to 20 years but I mow one of my neighbor's rarely used roads (after asking). They're super nice people, I don't mind at all and with the tractor I can do it in the fraction of the time. I clear trees that are down on the private roads to our little group of houses too.

It's not.
I held many discussions on this very subject with various women back in my "enlightened" years. It really is an insult to some women that there is a very remote possibility that you might be doing something for them that you wouldn't do for a man. I will hold the door open for anybody who is coming in behind me; yet many women would prefer that you slam it in their face.

Getting back to the OP's question; Because you have never met these people I wouldn't do anything without asking first. People can be funny sometimes, or you could accidently damage a garden or well if you aren't very familiar with the driveway. I also agree with those who feel that a "well being check" might be in order, while also offering to do them a good deed.

 

[groundcover]

Could go either way. Years ago I plowed a drive for an older couple and they asked me to do the neighbor beyond them for little to no charge as she was older and didn’t have much money. I was glad to help out even though the drive turned out to be a pain in the neck.
After a few years she would go away for the winter ( to stay in a motel in CA for free) she had a car in the driveway ( that she borrowed for free) . I never plowed close to it, no one was using it ! That spring when she got home she called me and said to say that I had hit the car and needed to fix it so she could give it back ! I told her I never came close to it since no one was using it. She say that’s ok just put it on your insurance! Wrong answer, never plowed her again, no good deed goes unpunished!

 

[MossRoad]

Hey guys need some advice.

Neighbors are elderly (in their 80's). In years past they have had someone plow their drive. I cannot see their drive from mine and feel bad I am just noticing this. We got 5 inches of snow about 2 days ago. They are still not plowed out. Do I just go over and do it or knock on the door? I don't want any $$ for doing it would just do it to help them out. I do not know these folks. Wave at them if I see them out, but have never really talked to them.

Seems to me I should just go do it. It shouldn't take me more than 15 min to do their drive with my tractor I don't think.

Have you seen any activity there, like tire tracks in the drive? If yes, then they are probably fine. The snow will be gone on Sunday. If no, they may not have a need to go out, or, they might not even be home, or.... there could be a problem. If it's a problem, and you find out about it later, you'll feel pretty horrible for not checking. If it concerns you, then just drive in there on your tractor, introduce yourself, and ask them if they'd like the driveway cleared no charge, just a friendly neighbor checking on a neighbor after a brutal cold snap.

 

[4570Man]

Just wondering. If your neighbor just bought a new snowmobile, but didn't own a snowblower, would you clear his driveway?

No. Anyone that has money for frivolous purchases doesn’t need help/money from me. That’s my view towards a lot more than snow plowing. Now based upon actual circumstances I don’t plow anyone’s driveway for several reasons. 1 my equipment doesn’t stay at my house unless I’m working on a project because it would have to sleep outside there. 2 we live on an unplowed road so plowing the driveway doesn’t help much. 3 it’ll melt in a couple days anyway. 4 due to the lack of need I don’t have protective edges on my equipment so scaring the driveway is likely.

 

[Industrial Toys]

It's why I generally never give charity to any one or organization if I don't know how they spend their money. Yet, I can be quite generous. Like giving free gasoline to people who run out. Go figure. They should have planned better.

Being in business for more than 25 years, I realize that the A-holes always get more than they deserve and the nice meek and agreeable people don't. It's not fair, but then, life never is.

 

[CMV]

If I were out doing mine anyway, yep.

Unless there was some legitimate reason I couldn't - only enough time for mine then I have to be off to work or something. I mow my neighbor's lawn all the time. He works 2 jobs & has a crappy push mower. He never asked, but he never told me to stop doing it. So when I do mine, I just do his. Adds 15 min total maybe since both are yards are small and I can make a more efficient pattern doing his and mine together. Some weeks he beats me to it - he'll get out there & push mow knowing I'll probably just do his along with mine in a day or two. So he doesn't expect me to do just because I often do & have for several years.

Neighbor across the street, her husband moved out of town for work. She too gets out there with push mower. I offered many times & she said no. Then she broke her foot & asked me to do it one week. I did. Then next week too when I did mine & other neighbor. Then week #3 I'm over there trimming before mowing & she came home. Told me to stop, her foot was better enough she could do it. So I did. Thought that was weird....I had offered to do it 20+ times, did it when she asked, but as soon as she thought she could get back at it, she stopped me in the middle of it

Anyway, with something like, I'd just do it. Worst case they get all mad about it - so what? The snow will melt, the grass will grow back, and I'll know they're jerks

The only place I'm almost reluctant to help is church. We really like our church & the people there so sounds strange I wouldn't want to help out....but once you volunteer & help out a little, it's like everyone assumes you just have all the time and money in the world and you just really like to sign up for any little project. And then you get sucked into everything. Or I do say yes to something and it's automatically assumed mrs CMV is signed up too - and vice versa. I got dragged into too many things because she got dragged in and I'm along for the ride. Probably about 500 members there, 400 some on an average Sunday. So plenty of people to help out. Yet the same 40 do darn near everything that needs done.

I was asked to join the security team. Fine, I'll join the rotation, but made it clear I don't want to do it often. I go there to go to church - not miss the worship and preaching because I'm up front doing security detail. But it needs done, someone has to do it, and the more people in the rotation, the less burden on any one person right? Well that turned into every third week, then every other, then they started a Friday night service, and since "I like working security so much" [I do not] I just get put into the rotation for Friday nights without being asked. Friday night is Celebrate Recovery which is a great program, but neither mrs CMV nor I attend that (or have any desire to).

We volunteered to show up early and help set up for a service for a senior member who passed away. Expected about 600 for that and did a big dinner afterward. That needed a lot of table & chair setup, getting food laid out, stuff like that. So mrs CMV signed us up to help set up. And I was glad to do it. BUT, as we're finishing setting up and service is about to begin, that's when the hooks dig in...."After dinner is over and everyone leaves, mrs CMV start helping get the leftover food put up, CMV start cleaning off tables & chairs and fold them back up....." HUH? 600 people there, we volunteered to come early to set up, and the thanks we get is to get tasked to also stay late and clean everything up? Not a big deal - not like I had anything better to do that night, but I didn't like just getting tasked (not asked) to do more than I committed. Maybe I'm selfish? But it makes me really cautious about participating in anything. Go serve food at homeless shelter, great, now you're somehow signed up to chaperone a youth activity the next week.....

But off topic pointless rambling aside....new snowmobile or not, 80 y/o or 30 y/o, if i was out clearing my driveway, I'd just do a few neighbor's too while I was at it. Now if I were doing it with a shovel, maybe I'm not so nice....but on the tractor anyway, sure.

 

[PILOON]

I tend to be the helpful type as well.
Most winters I end up towing a half dozen out of the ditch and always have a tow cable in my car.
I always however deny any responsibility and never ask for compensation but if they insist I simply say that I enjoy wine.
\Always interesting to see how much my help is appreciated which I judge by the quality of the wine.

However I recall one who moaned that he was but a poor student (had a new car and was renting a cottage) and how he had no money.
This was one who knocked on my door requesting service one cold night.
Gave him the bottle of wine pitch which he forgot all about, naturally.

Well a year later he again put his car in a ditch and somehow found my phone number and called on his cell phone.
Was in my PJ's and truck was not plugged in so I said it would be 20-30 mins.

Not only was he in the ditch but was practically in a ravine on a private drive.
(being nosy, I suspect)
Well I hauled him out, dropped my plow blade and demanded he pay for disturbing me late at night.

I'll add he was always 'taking', like once at a neighborhood 'open house' he and his GF 'borrowed' the hosts fresh bottle of liguer and between them consumed it entirely while sitting at their dock without even mingling with other guests.
They were a young couple both on maxed out student loans (that's how the new car and cottage rental). Learned they did not plan to repay the loans either.

LOL, I generally that go to helpful guy but don't abuse.

Like I'll always lend a tool, but bring it back ASAP.
T only give one chance then onto the black list.

 

[dougtrr2]

A few years ago a new neighbor moved in (across the road at the end of my cul de sac). It was late in the year and I hadn't met them. Twice that winter I plowed out their drive. The second time I did see him watching at the window. The next spring we actually met and he apologized to me. He had hired someone to plow his drive. When he called them to settle the bill they told they never plowed because it was cleared before they got there. He thought I was the guy he hired. We both got a good laugh over it. He now has his own stuff to plow with and we are friends.

Doug in SW IA

 

[Diggin It]

Got a couple that moved in down the road. He inherited the place. He had never owned a house before, let alone one with property. It was a disaster, like one on TV. I did what I could in some areas, while they did some cleaning and painting. Then it all kind of fell apart. Another neighbor and I had put a lot of hours (and fuel) into getting the yard back in order on the understanding he would be keeping it up. He hasn't. It looks as bad as it did before we started. Doesn't even keep the grass mowed even though I'd done that a few times last summer. He'd ask me to come help, then he'd go inside. They've got a T'ween kid there too that could be doing that. I've tried to do a few other things since, but he won't hardly even come outside to help while I'm there. One excuse after another. It's quite clear he has no idea what owning a house involves.

I've even offered to keep doing the mowing for him -- but not for free anymore. He says he can't afford to pay.

Doubt I'll be back there too much any more.

 

[MossRoad]

A few years ago a new neighbor moved in (across the road at the end of my cul de sac). It was late in the year and I hadn't met them. Twice that winter I plowed out their drive. The second time I did see him watching at the window. The next spring we actually met and he apologized to me. He had hired someone to plow his drive. When he called them to settle the bill they told they never plowed because it was cleared before they got there. He thought I was the guy he hired. We both got a good laugh over it. He now has his own stuff to plow with and we are friends.

Doug in SW IA

Now that's funny! :thumbsup:

 

[shooterdon]

Interesting thread.

Nice to see most people are still good neighbors.

I know I should not be judgmental, and it is one of my biggest faults, but difficult to break. I have trouble helping people who, IMHO, should not need help. Like the example of the guy with a new snowmobile and needs plowing out. That is just BS and laziness.

My plow froze up during the recent cold snap and was inoperable. Too cold to be outdoors to try to fix it. I have over 300 yards to clear to get to the road, and another 1/3 acre or so between the house and detached garage. My buddy would plow me out for $50...which is really cheap and I give him $70...but he does not do a very good job.

Anyway, I got out the Ariens snowblower, that I use to clear the cement pad in front of the garage and the walkway to the house, and blew myself out....done it twice so far. It took about three hours each time. I am in my late sixties. And after doing that the first snow fall, I went out to shovel a path to the outhouse for my neighbor 1/2 mile away who has no septic system or water. He is three years older than I am, but in very poor shape, in part because he sits on his ***, chain smokes, drinks and watches TV 12 hours or more a day. I did not go back after the second snow fall. Yesterday, after taking him into town 25 miles away to do his laundry and shop, I shoveled his front landing and steps so he does not fall and hurt himself...but it frustrates me that he sits there all day and will not do the simplest chores to help himself. There I go being judgmental again!!!

Earlier this year, I offered to let him use my plow truck so he would have a vehicle and be more self sufficient. (He does not have a vehicle; and we live in the middle of nowhere. He is totally dependent on friends to take him into town to get water, food, and laundry done) I would pay for the insurance and repairs and all he had to do was pay for fuel. He turned the offer down!!! Will I continue to help him? Yes! I am stupid that way.

 

[4570Man]

I don’t feel like you’re being judgmental. What should you continue helping someone who won’t help themselves? You’re already being far more generous than I would be. Anyone that has money for alcohol, cigarettes and cable tv doesn’t need my money. Now add lazy into the mix and I’m definitely not helping. If I wanted the responsibility of someone like that I’d consider having kids.

 

[Diggin It]

I'll help an able bodied person do things. I'll do things for an able bodied person who may be in over their head IF they're willing to learn and show some ambition. I'm far less willing to help anyone who won't help themselves by choice.

 

[TheMan419]

So by the time I got home and got over there, someone was plowing. Turns out it was their grandson. They went to FL to escape the vortex. In any event they are sorted. He said they are very private ppl and likely would not have answered the door if I knocked. He now has my number in case he needs eye balls on the place in the future.

He has a nice plow truck so I have his number too in the event I cannot plow myself out.

 

[MossRoad]

Good to hear. And way to be a good neighbor. :thumbsup:

 

[sdquick]

Two thoughts
1) I have decided that I will do what is right for me. I feel like I should help people so I do what I can. I have decided that I do it because I think it is right to do for many reasons (makes me feel good, Karma, honoring my religion, honoring what my parents taught me, etc). This helps avoid my feelings being hurt when someone isn't appreciative or should do more on their own, I just remember that is not why I did it.
2) Sometimes people are just Grumps! But helping never hurts. When my kids were little and we moved into a new house, the police would show up every time someone parked in front of our house facing the wrong direction and for other silly things. The police knew it was silly and were always apologetic responding to the complaints. We were pretty sure it was the old couple across the street who were always home and I guess watching for anything wrong. That winter when we were out shoveling I got my kids and said lets go across the street. They did not want to go help the "mean old people". That winter we went and helped him shovel and said hi or would just do it if they weren't out yet. After that winter we never had another issue. I think it was a good lesson for my kids.

 

[ovrszd]

A few years ago a new neighbor moved in (across the road at the end of my cul de sac). It was late in the year and I hadn't met them. Twice that winter I plowed out their drive. The second time I did see him watching at the window. The next spring we actually met and he apologized to me. He had hired someone to plow his drive. When he called them to settle the bill they told they never plowed because it was cleared before they got there. He thought I was the guy he hired. We both got a good laugh over it. He now has his own stuff to plow with and we are friends.

Doug in SW IA

That's funny. Also logical that it happened.

 

[ovrszd]

So by the time I got home and got over there, someone was plowing. Turns out it was their grandson. They went to FL to escape the vortex. In any event they are sorted. He said they are very private ppl and likely would not have answered the door if I knocked. He now has my number in case he needs eye balls on the place in the future.

He has a nice plow truck so I have his number too in the event I cannot plow myself out.

Good outcome. Thanks for following up on this.

 

[tjkubota93]

I tend to be the helpful type as well.
Most winters I end up towing a half dozen out of the ditch and always have a tow cable in my car.
I always however deny any responsibility and never ask for compensation but if they insist I simply say that I enjoy wine.
\Always interesting to see how much my help is appreciated which I judge by the quality of the wine.

However I recall one who moaned that he was but a poor student (had a new car and was renting a cottage) and how he had no money.
This was one who knocked on my door requesting service one cold night.
Gave him the bottle of wine pitch which he forgot all about, naturally.

Well a year later he again put his car in a ditch and somehow found my phone number and called on his cell phone.
Was in my PJ's and truck was not plugged in so I said it would be 20-30 mins.

Not only was he in the ditch but was practically in a ravine on a private drive.
(being nosy, I suspect)
Well I hauled him out, dropped my plow blade and demanded he pay for disturbing me late at night.

I'll add he was always 'taking', like once at a neighborhood 'open house' he and his GF 'borrowed' the hosts fresh bottle of liguer and between them consumed it entirely while sitting at their dock without even mingling with other guests.
They were a young couple both on maxed out student loans (that's how the new car and cottage rental). Learned they did not plan to repay the loans either.

LOL, I generally that go to helpful guy but don't abuse.

Like I'll always lend a tool, but bring it back ASAP.
T only give one chance then onto the black list.