Dozer,
Your "larger hammer" line reminded me of one of my favorites. "If it won't fit, force it. If it breaks, it probably needed to be replaced anyhow."
As to colorful directions, I actually got some very much like that one time when I was lost in the country. Mine were "Go down to where the old oak tree got hit by lightning and turn right then look for a place on your left with a big brown hound laying on the front porch. Turn left on the first road past that and that'll take you right there."
I figured it was a local having fun with the guy in the Corvette so I just thanked him and headed down the road hoping to find someone more helpful. Before I came to another house, I saw this big, split, blackened tree trunk.
I crossed a road then skidded to a stop, backed up and made the turn. I figured once you're lost, you can't get any more lost, right? I passed a few places that were way back off the road then came up toward one right by the road and figured I'd stop there and ask for directions again. I slowed down and started to turn into the drive when--you guessed it--I saw this big, lazy brown coon dog on the porch. I just sat there half in their drive in disbelief. Could it be??? I thought "What the heck," backed up out of the drive and made the next turn. Sure enough, it took me right where I'd been told. /forums/images/graemlins/shocked.gif
Actually, the worst directions I ever got didn't sound bad at all. I stopped at a service station (remember SERVICE stations?) and was told, "Just turn right out this drive and go to the last stoplight and take a left. You can't miss it."
I pulled out the drive, turned right and was driving down the road when something hit me...
How do I know which stoplight is the last one???
