do you loan your trailer out

[Soundguy]

If he turns out to be a decent person.. he will regret that behavior later.

soundguy

 

[patrick_g]

If he turns out to be a decent person.. he will regret that behavior later.

soundguy

I'd bet on finding philosopher's stone and transmuting base metals into gold as a more sure thing. Jerks usually get better at being jerks than reforming.

I am an optimistic realist. I hope for the best, but deal with reality.

Pat

 

[Redbug]

Right on, Pat.

 

[riptides]

A few noters have already touched on this.

Read your insurance policy on the trailer. The truck may have to go with it.

Please read your insurance policy before you decide what to do.

Good luck.

 

[Soundguy]

I'd bet on finding philosopher's stone and transmuting base metals into gold as a more sure thing. Jerks usually get better at being jerks than reforming.

I am an optimistic realist. I hope for the best, but deal with reality.

Pat

Ain't that the truth!

soundguy

 

[gemini5362]

I read the first 5 pages in the post and thought i would just jump to the end to put in my opinion.

1. I dont think you teach any child (no matter what the age) anything by lieing to them. So I dont agree with telling them a neighbor already spoke for it or it has flat tires or bad wheel bearings etc. Tell them the truth. That they cannot borrow it because you dont trust them to be responsible with it and you dont want to have your new trailer damaged. ( My kids and stepkids have been asking to borrow my porsche even the kid that cant drive a standard. They get told no extremely fast)

2. I love my grandkids and the instant that they are used to hold me hostage i stop seeing them. If you let your kids use the grandchildren to get whatever they want they will just want more and more. I have found that when they get mad and dont bring the grandkids over or dont calle me etc. It usually dont take long to need me to babysit while they take some time alone together or have an emergency they need me for.

3. I think you are extremely generous to offer to pay for a U-HAUL trailer for them. I have told my grown kids on more than one occasion that I am not responsible for them and I will be glad to help them move but it will be on my terms at my schedule. To me them getting mad because they cant have your trailer just because they dont want to deal with a U-Haul trailer sounds very spoiled and maybe they need to have to move themselves out of their own pocket.

I did read where you said your wife was going to use the truck and trailer to help them move. I will be very curious to see what the next thing they ask you for and use their built in hostages to achieve.

 

[patrick_g]

Thomas, Clearly there is a lot of history between MOM and the DAUGHTER, much of which predates step dad. Step dad didn't create the problem and isn't really in a position to fix it AND simultaneously get along with his wife/DAUGHTER'S MOTHER. He was put into a difficult position. This action, unfortunately, was allowed by MOM who is playing with a script well rehearsed before stepdad got involved.

The result this time is about as much as could be hoped for by step dad unless and until MOM grows a backbone.

Once you negotiate (or give in without negotiation) when dealing with terrorists (blackmailers) they can manipulate you over and over (past, present, and probably future of this group, irrespective of who the boyfriend of the week happens to be.)

Why are so few Russian citizens kidnapped for ransom in foreign countries? Generally the Russians did not negotiate so the terrorists gained nothing but victims which could have been just as unprofitably randomly selected off the street. Then in the background the Russians moved heaven and earth to wreak havoc on anyone associated by at least a factor of 10 compared to their losses making it a no win situation for the terrorists. If you know going in that your threat will not gain you anything, there is no incentive to take the action. If you strongly suspect from past observations that it will cost you dearly to try, you are less likely to try.

To break the cycle of intimidation requires exercising adult judgment and free will (re my grow a backbone comment) which in a situation as described is difficult as the daughter has conditioned mom as sure as Pavlov did his dog to get her own way. I'd bet she had mom well trained by an early age for the daughter. Daughter may have been one of those I'll make a scene if you don't give me what I want types, wiling to throw a fit and kick and scream till placated. So long as if you hold out long enough that MOM gives in, you reinforce the conditioned response for both the terrorist and the victim.

That'll be 5 cents please!

Pat

 

[gemini5362]

Pat I agree with your comments. Actually I am on my second marriage and my wife has a daughter and son. Both of whom are over the age of 21. I understand the situation he is dealing with and believe me when I say in my opinion his bigger problem is not with the daughter. If my stepdaughter asked to borrow my trailer after she had damaged it previously and I had offered to rent a U-Haul trailer instead. My wife would them how above and beyond the call I had gone to do that. If my offer to rent a trailer was not good enough for them then they need to buy their own trailer. I have moved my sons two or three times each. One son because I did not want to make multiple trips I just rented a 24 foot Uhaul truck for the weekend. Local rates were less than 100.00 for the weekend and I did not have to mess with it. I just told him to take it back when he was done with it. He liked that better because he could load it at his own pace and not have me complaining he needed to get busy because I had things to do. The other son I helped move two or three times but he does not have much stuff. When he lived near OKC and was moving back we rented an enclosed UHAUL trailer because the weather forecast was rain and that was better than doing the tarp thing. I have helped my stepdaughter move twice and my stepson move once. Every kid was told that I needed notice of when they were going to move and that If my schedule conflicted with theirs they either changed theirs or were on their own. They needed to learn that when you were asking for favors you did not dictate the schedule.

 

[Redbug]

Pat and Gemini,

You are absolutely right in your observations. I agree 100%. Too bad the rules of being a responsible person weren't laid out from the beginning. But, I think with divorces the children are caught in the middle to "find a way". It may be too late for mom and daughter to change. Both are caught up playing the same game. Another thing I have noticed about children from divorces...they are much more aggressive than "normal" children. They have had to adapt that way to try to get the attention they did not get otherwise. The aggressiveness also transfers into adulthood affecting how they interact with others, (not too good, sometimes).

Sorry for the ramblings...I have enjoyed this thread and all it's insights.

Most families have members that are dysfunctional. And it affects the rest of the family. Logic goes out the window... I grew up in a dysfunctional family and life for me really opened up after I left home many years ago.

If the wife is forced to make a choice between daughter and stepdad, the daughter will usually win. Maternal instinct will kick in. You think that human beings could see, dictate and fix the problems in their lives. But most folks cannot separate themselves from their problems enough to change. Humans are supposed to be above animals in that respect...but sometimes I wonder...

It's an interesting thread. I hope stepdad lets mom and daughter read it...

 

[GCLnIndiana]

Get a second trailer (already dinged up) and let them borrow that. Also, scare the bejeebers out of new boyfriend by having them sign a whole bunch of paperwork with legal mumbo jumbo making them swear to a boat load of liability and financial responsibility. Dtr-in-law won't pay any attention to it, but it might scare boyfriend off from the family.