Funeral Costs

[beowulf]

A bit off of the subject - but not much. While you don't want to leave a financial burden regarding funeral and related expenses, it is also a good idea to not leave your family with the task of preparing an obituary at a time they are grieving and do not need more stress and an additional burden. Preparing that can be a challenge - putting together dates, notable things to mention, and more. Some families may want to defer that to those left behind, but not me. I have had to prepare them before and would have preferred to have had at least an outline to work with.

Anyway, mine is prepared and ready, along with very detailed information and instructions about financial and other matters - from password and account information to the location of the septic tank - hey, you can't just give up control that easily. The point of all that is to make things as easy as possible. Without this, I can see them struggling with the first steps, having to guess at things, and with the stress of trying to figure everything out that I had been taking care of. My 'roadmap' is detailed, e.g., how to obtain death certificates, how many to order, insurance, what to cancel, what to continue paying, what to stop paying, who to notify, locations of records, how certain tasks are managed, and much much more. We have also had 'the conversation' about this, and where my 'just-in-case-file' is located - which is updated a few times a year. One way to approach this is to just start keeping a list - as something comes up that you think they will need to know about, write it down. Then add it to your own folder from time to time.

I am much more content knowing I have done all this - and they have told me they are as well. Anyway, just a suggestion.

 

[tradosaurus]

As a Cheyenne tribal member my burial costs are free.

 

[JasperFrank]

My father was a funeral director and mortician.

The work eventually, drove him to alcoholism.

He wanted us children, for some reason, to be involved, as a father and sons sort of venture. By the time I was nine, I had worked on at least 25 funerals. Most everything people hear about shady dealings and funeral homes is true. And then there is stuff, you just don't want to know.

Traditional Funerals are theater that is tied to the concept of resurrection.

The traditional funeral, with viewings, casket, grave, vault, head stone and ceremony, procession, flowers, full embalming and cosmetic work, easily reaches many thousands of dollars. Each of these are steps, usually decided by a grieving spouse. And each of these steps has a level of expense. And there is an avenue of expense escalation built in to all of them. Kind of like a new car, dealership, selling options. And if the deceased was not specific, about their final affairs, the phase is, "What do you think they would have wanted?" This is the up sale phrase used, and plays on people that want only the best, for the deceased. Which is entirely understandable, you want the best for your deceased love one, yet they are not there to say something like, "Please just buy a new car instead," or help a child pay off a mortgage.

Funerals are not for the deceased, they are for the survivors.

I don't want to tilt on anyone's religious beliefs here, that would be rude. But you would be surprised at how few people actually go to the Traditional Funeral. Its not like the movies. And most of the time, it isn't raining at the grave site. And I've seen full on funerals that only 12 people showed up.

I'm so very glad in a way that the role of Funeral Director, drove my Dad crazy and he had to get out of it.

I would suggest that anyone that is making a Will, make it known, what YOU want done.

My Will says cremation, and where ashes are to be spread. No viewing of any kind, and a set aside amount of money for a Life Celebration. Though I am looking into natural burial, now that it is legal.

 

[jyoutz]

At this time I’m the executor of my father’s will. He chose to be cremated and total funeral and associated costs are about $5K.

 

[jyoutz]

Mo, sorry for the loss.
But it brings up a good thread. Death comes to all of us.
Planning for it is often difficult and put off to "later".

Wills are great, but they need an executor (or more) to do it right.
I've mentioned before my wife being an attorney and her being an executor for many of the "family" estates.
Usually she shared duties with another person.
If the estate is of any size multiple executors are often needed to get the job done, and they need to get along. One of our relatives, an uncle, was wealthy but did not trust banks. He had the habit of establishing bank accounts with a few thousand dollars or so. They must have spent weeks tracing down the funds and filling out paperwork. It took about 2 years to get the estate finally settled.

As I’m now appointed as my father’s will executor, I want to say that everything can be done without an attorney. I downloaded the forms to petition the court to be appointed as executor. Then I used a title company to draw up the transfer deed for the house. I recognize that more complex scenarios might require an attorney, but most simple family estates can be done without hiring an attorney.

 

[JasperFrank]

"but most simple family estates can be done without hiring an attorney."
I repectfully disagree with this. Maybe in your case, this worked. I have also been the common man, doing simple legal things, that should be straight up. To discover later, that no, there is a huge problem, that an attorney would have found. Just saying.

 

[jyoutz]

"but most simple family estates can be done without hiring an attorney."
I repectfully disagree with this. Maybe in your case, this worked. I have also been the common man, doing simple legal things, that should be straight up. To discover later, that no, there is a huge problem, that an attorney would have found. Just saying.

I guess it depends on the laws of the state and complexity of the estate.

 

[newbury]

I guess it depends on the laws of the state and complexity of the estate.

All of the estates my wife has been executor for were moderately complex and most included one or two relatives that would steal from the church, or anyone else.

 

[Oaktree]

A bit off of the subject - but not much. While you don't want to leave a financial burden regarding funeral and related expenses, it is also a good idea to not leave your family with the task of preparing an obituary at a time they are grieving and do not need more stress and an additional burden. Preparing that can be a challenge - putting together dates, notable things to mention, and more. Some families may want to defer that to those left behind, but not me. I have had to prepare them before and would have preferred to have had at least an outline to work with.

My wife and I have discussed this, and while we haven't done so yet are planning to do so. This way it reads the way you want it to, not what someone else thinks was important about your life.

At this time I’m the executor of my father’s will. He chose to be cremated and total funeral and associated costs are about $5K.

We're looking into pre-paying for this. One less thing for our survivors to have to deal with.

 

[Joel/ak]

When my mom died in 2021 it was about 7K total. They already had the plot.

My family doesn't like to drag things out so we had the funeral at her church, viewing was for the 2 hours prior to the funeral. If someone wanted to stay, that was great or if they wanted to pay respects and leave, that was also cool.

 

[jyoutz]

When my mom died in 2021 it was about 7K total. They already had the plot.

My family doesn't like to drag things out so we had the funeral at her church, viewing was for the 2 hours prior to the funeral. If someone wanted to stay, that was great or if they wanted to pay respects and leave, that was also cool.

We did a funeral mass for my mother at church and skipped the whole mortuary funeral service costs. They just got paid for the cremation.

 

[tshep]

I studied up and wrote a big paper on this end of dying for my MDiv. I was quite shocked along the way.
One of the sources I read compared this business to other commerce, and determined prices basically were about 3 times too high because there were 3 times too many of them, working at 1/3 capacity (think about days the 'homes' are busy, not very often, way below capacity). That author suggested the only way that could work long term was overt or covert collusion.
Another source suggested that most other service aggregators passed savings on to you - decorators, landscapers split source discounts, etc. as part of their service. Yet funeral folks will sell their package services, and still mark up every little thing along the way, such as placing obituary - marking up the paper's fees, typically 10% for that - rather than discounting for bulk.
I also studied the, say fittings used for embalming functions - not my wife. Lots of bits that looked like those big drywall anchors, orbit hooks for smiles, etc. No one enjoyed my paper and powerpoint, but we all learned.
For history (only read a bit), it seems this whole business of embalming and 'looks natural' only came about around the Civil War time, as 'we' got to where there was a fair chance a body could return from a good distance in a chemically managed window - by trains, a method that for the first time on land, did not have to stop and rest.

 

[ultrarunner]

About 5k for picking up the body, storing pending permit for direct cremation, open/closing the niche, adding a spouse to the urn with engraving, death certificates, etc...

This is current pricing paid yesterday and listed on the last page of a 28 page nicely done brochure as a line item with the grand packages starting at about 40k... of course the cost of burial and family crypts has no limit for those so inclined...

None of the above includes reception costs.

In mom's case she simply wanted to be with Dad and 5k is today's number..

20 years ago us kids did the full funeral with cremation, reception, newspaper paid and unpaid obituary, etc for Dad and it was right about 10k... nothing fancy but well done and I greatly underestimated those attending on a cold stormy December night as mourners filled the church to capacity as Dad knew many people from years in business, athletic accomplishment, civic groups, etc... we did it for mom who was totally unassuming but even 20 years after she derived great comfort from the kids all coming together making it happen...

I do believe it is for the living... after the most basic question is of disposition is answered.

Plenty opting for simple cremation through a non profit with family scattering or keeping ashes... or having county take over...

One thing I was not prepared for today compared to 20+ years ago is the speed at which news travels the world...

I've slept 2 hours in the last 40 as the email and text messages are non stop... as compared to maybe half dozen emails and no text back in 2000.

My grandmother's weekly visit to the departed with fresh flowers from her garden with me as a child in tow is how I grew up and mom carried on the tradition until she was not able. In this respect having a gathering of several generations in one place passes the legacy of family to future generations..

 

[tradosaurus]

As a Catholic, I need to make sure to spell out that I cannot be cremated. Probably a good idea to get everything in writing soon.

 

[MossRoad]

Catholic Church has allowed cremation since 1963. They do not want the ashes scattered or divided up amongst loved ones, etc., scattered at sea, or kept in an urn in a home. They want the ashes kept together and buried in a cemetery, mausoleum, or other acceptable place of respect.

However, it's always a great idea to make sure someone knows your wishes that correspond to your religious or personal practices. Then hope you outlive them, and that they know where your legal documents are.

 

[ultrarunner]

Always good to make wishes known...

1963 the Vatican lifted the prohibition on Cremation...

It is not unusual here and local Catholic Diocese priest in charge of of funerals holds a funeral director license...

He has guided many families when asked as spiritual advisor in role of parish priest and prevented/curbed excesses from those providing services.

Also wears several Chaplin Hats as official Navy, Air force and Fire Department...

Mom was quite concerned and her mind was put at ease when given copy of the 1963 decree...

 

[tradosaurus]

Always good to make wishes known...
1963 the Vatican lifted the prohibition on Cremation...
It is not unusual here and local Catholic Diocese priest in charge of of funerals holds a funeral director license...
He has guided many families when asked as spiritual advisor in role of parish priest and prevented/curbed excesses from those providing services.
Also wears several Chaplin Hats as official Navy, Air force and Fire Department...
Mom was quite concerned and her mind was put at ease when given copy of the 1963 decree...

Vatican 2 church isn't Catholic. I have a hard enough time staying on the narrow path to salvation. I don't need to throw it away by being cremated.
Canon 1240: The following persons are deprived of ecclesiastical burial, unless they have before death given some signs of repentance: ...(5) persons who have given orders for the cremation of their bodies;....

 

[MossRoad]

Welp, I'll bow out of that discussion. Peace to you and yours.

 

[jyoutz]

As a Catholic, I need to make sure to spell out that I cannot be cremated. Probably a good idea to get everything in writing soon.

The Catholic church permits cremation and there are many church funerals with cremains. My mother’s cremation urn was given a full Catholic mass. It’s a personal choice.

 

[jyoutz]

Welp, I'll bow out of that discussion. Peace to you and yours.

Yep . He’s referring to a “different” Catholic Church.