givers and takers,how do i say NO

Bedlam · Mar 21, 2006

Ok Seems we are all friends and I can spill my guts. I have to be one of those that gives till it hurts.
Over the years (since 1978) I have done several "volunteer' jobs. Admittedly the 4 H one is surely different.
But I have found certain people will ask me and I just do it.I was helping a friend who was working for this woman. So I assumed the friend would either pay me or let me cut firewood on his land.All I had to do was skid a few trees that he cut down. The woman is the type to look over your shoulder the whole way. She is elderly, so I dont make a stink over it.I didnt have to do much at all , maybe three trees.I would have done it for the wood alone, but some other guy showed up with a pickup and she had me load it into his truck. /forums/images/graemlins/mad.gif Anyway it took about an hour and she asked what she owed me. I said 20 dollars. She said she didnt agree, and went to the house. She returned with a coke and 50 dollars.NOT BAD
But then there are the others, way to many to tell about here.One recient one was a guy needed the septic cover dug up. I traveled 10 miles, and when I got there he said the cover is here. well two scoops and no cover. I kicked around a bit, and bingo the cover. only 3 inches of dirt over it.
The agreement was 50 dollars and some firewood he had.But he then says well, didnt have to dig and he didnt have the money, would I just take the wood.(one cord).A bit pissed, but I figured Im an idiot, so take what I can.Went around back, there was the wood. scattered allover the place.Good quality pine, /forums/images/graemlins/blush.gifseaseoned probably 6 years and mmm soaked with water. Screwed again...I did manage to get some rebar and a one ton load of stone from him.Luckily he is moved off to Florida to scam others..
I have since taken a firm stand. And tell people NO.Ive been lucky lately and no one has asked.
In another unrelated situation, a "friend" offered me tons of scrap construction cut offs for firewood. I left him a trailer and he would fill it. Told him no shingles or anthing that isnt wood.I went and hauled it home looked good on the top.Then I unloaded and found 3 tires(bald, and cost me $3 each to get rid of)then a wheelchair all rusted, and then rolled roofing,and a small tv.I had enough wood to burn for two days. and cost me 25 dollars to dispose of the other stuff.I dont need friends like that....Actually felt good when he wanted the trailer back for more , and I said no thanks...
We Learn..
Allan

GregMVT · Mar 21, 2006

I think I would have brought the trailer back, but it would loaded with all the junk that was in it the first time.

Greg

63DH8 · Mar 21, 2006

I'd do the work, then talk to your wife being's it's her side of the family who's taking advantage of you. If you do the work first, it's not like you're not willing to do work for family. It's okay to do wirk for family until they start taking advantage of you. They should compensate you for your time, work, fuel, and wear and tear. Even if the compensation is invovles dropping everything they're doing to give YOU a hand, with-in reason, it's compensation. Have you ever asked them for a hand? If so, did they jump to lend a hand? If not, it's time to talk.

CT_Tree_Guy · Mar 21, 2006

From Alan's original post:

 It turns out a person whom I'm related, and kind-heartedly dug a 300 ft ditch, for waterpipe and backfilled has volunteered me for more. "I need my banking dug out, and a retaining wall built; I need a 100 ft ditch dug on both sides of the drive; Im having 40 yards of gravel coming soon for you to spread....etc etc. Since you like to play on your tractor."


 "I'd do the work ... It's okay to do work for family until they start taking advantage of you". 

Alan - It sure sounds to me as if they already have started to take advantage of you. I still think your best bet is to politely state your true feelings; you're entitled to do that. When the negatives start getting thrown your way, as they likely will; breath slowly, stay calm, be kind, and stick to your guns. If you lose your cool, even in the face of "unfair" treatment, it will likely be used against you. Stick to the high ground, but refuse to be used, if that's the way you see it.

John

escavader · Mar 21, 2006

THANKS FOR THE HELP FOLKS.Im gonna take a little bit of JOES and everyones advise.IM gonna insist on 2o dollars per hour on the hour meter for the tractor.If i was to be paid id want 4o,but family ,my time is free.20 is fair,and IT might avoid me being recruited so easy.If they dont like it ,tough.Im gonna 'GROW SOME' like said.DIesal is 3 dollars a gallon,5 gallon tank....5 hours.Hydro fluid changes cost ,tires wear and tear,hauling it. I promis to be nice,but 10 bucks says ill be told to go ...fjfhfgysdhfgddj *9 /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gifHe is just that kind of person.I marryed the sibling not him,let him see what others cost.
ALAN
ALAN

RonR · Mar 21, 2006

You could also offer for FREE to drive them down to your local dealer and sit in the truck while they negotiate, buy, have delivered and then maintain THEIR new tractor.

You could smile at them and say "This tractorin' is so much fun, I think you should get in on it too, and I'm willin' to help ya by telling you all I know.........."

ron

sendero · Mar 21, 2006

Isn't this stuff tough? Most of us like to help out, but it sure sounds like this guy is taking major advantage of you.

That's the problem with being nice to some people, they wish to extract nice from you until there is no nice left.

As our dear departed Barney would have said, you have to "nip this in the bud". There will be no end to the fun this guy will schedule you to have on your tractor on his land.

If your wife doesn't understand, ask her if she has time to read this thread /forums/images/graemlins/smile.gif

JerryG · Mar 22, 2006

M gonna insist on 2o dollars per hour on the hour meter for the tractor. 
I don't know about your tractor, but most tractors don't show hours like a clock does. If you are at a RPM less than 540 on the PTO, then the hour meter goes slower. The only time that the hour meter runs with a clock is at the rated PTO speed. You could in theory put in 1.5 hours and the tractor meter could show 1 hour. There are also some tractors that have a meter that just runs time like a clock even if the key is on and the engine is off.

scott_vt · Mar 22, 2006

( M gonna insist on 2o dollars per hour on the hour meter for the tractor. 
I don't know about your tractor, but most tractors don't show hours like a clock does. If you are at a RPM less than 540 on the PTO, then the hour meter goes slower. The only time that the hour meter runs with a clock is at the rated PTO speed. You could in theory put in 1.5 hours and the tractor meter could show 1 hour. There are also some tractors that have a meter that just runs time like a clock even if the key is on and the engine is off. )

Shssh Jerry,
They dont know that /forums/images/graemlins/confused.gif And Alan is givin them a heck of a bargain allready /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif

scotty

dmccarty · Mar 22, 2006

JerryG,

I don't know if I would use the word most. Some tractors hour meter's do show the actual clock time. I'm pretty sure my JD does . Only my mower is used at RPM speed the rest are used at around 1600-1900 RPM. I spend very little time with the mower thank goodness.

/forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif

Later,
Dan