Good Neighbor?

[Steelfan]

This is a slightly touchy question. Last year my next door neighbor got sick with cancer. He was 75 years old, and a wonderful guy. When I first started gardening, I asked him a pile of questions. He was the best neighbor a person could have. When he took ill, I decided to put his mind at ease, and take care of his lawn, and veggie garden. He was very much into these things ( gardening, and lawncare). Well he passed away due to the cancer in Sept. of last year. I decided to help his wife for the rest of the year, mowing, and gardening. Now I've got a small problem. My neighbor has children, and even old enough grandchildren to care for his lawn, but I think I'm still expected to do it. I don't want to upset her, but I can't take to responsibility this year. I've got 3 acres to cut, and my Dad has 1 1/2 acres to cut. I will help her when I can, but I'm not sure how to explain this to her. Any Ideas? I'm trying to be gentle about it.

 

[RanchMan]

Unfortunate situation -

This is just my take, but it seems like you could give her a call and say that there was something you wanted to come by and "drop off" and ask when would be a good time.

When you get a time set up, go over with some type of "goodie" (pie, cake, etc.) and say ya'll were thinking of her/the family the other day and thought they would "enjoy this." You could then proceed to saying that you've "enjoyed helping out in the garden/lawnwork this year, but unfortunately with the responsibilities you have, you won't be able to help out again this year."

I'd definitely leave out any comments on the kids/grandkids being able to do it - she should be able to figure out that one.

If she's as nice as lady as your late neighbor, she'll be very understanding, thankful for the "goodies", and thank you for all the help you've offered "just because." If you are "expected" to do any work, well, that doesn't reflect on her very well and quite frankly, if she acts poorly about it, well, that's her problem.

Just my $.02

 

[RobS]

I like RanchMan's approach. If you want to ease her even more you could offer to help on occasion with non-routine projects (if your time allows), but apologetically indicate that you will not be able to continue with her routine maintenance and upkeep. Good luck, these are always difficult situations /w3tcompact/icons/smile.gif

 

[Steelfan]

Thanks Ranchman, I would never mention the kids, or grandkids. That would not be the right thing to do. I still feel that I'd like to help her some, but I just can't care for her lawn, and garden all the time. She is a good person also, I was trying to force someone's hand a bit, and didn't cut the grass yet. Someone cut it Friday of last week, but my wife thinks it was the other neighbor lady, who is 70 some years old also. I can't let her continue doing that either. My wife says that I'm too kindhearted, but I respect old people. Kent

 

[JJT]

How well do you know her kids/grandkids? If you know them at all, deal with them to make sure the neighbor is taken care of. You could even let them know you'll help out when you can, (once a month maybe). I have a similar deal with my 85 year old neighbor, I take care of the snow and the daughter and nephew handle the summer chores.

 

[Dozernut]

Steelfan and Ranchman I salute you!! After John Wayne , Roy Rogers and all of the old time heroes had passed away, I was worried the genre was gone. It is good to know that there are people like you who take the time to be concerned about an elderly widow. There are still cowboys riding the range. May your tractors be trouble free!

 

[Steelfan]

JJT, Three of the kids live within 4 miles of here. They are never around. Some work, and some are just not around. I would definitely help some, but she's got about 2 hrs worth of trimming, and mowing. Hard to find time for all of that, and my Dad's plus mine. I figure about 8 hrs a week of lawn care plus work, and my own stuff. Thanks

 

[Steelfan]

I'm nowhere near that noble, I'm just repaying the kindness shown to me. I've had a lot of good times with older people, and you can learn a lot from them. I think sometimes we forget that they've lived through many experiences. By the way John Wayne was one of my favorites. Kent

 

[Thomas]

I would have a little chat w/the young boys about helping out more so,but lend a hand when need be or problem should occur.

Its a darn nice thing your doing!!

 

[JerryG]

Steelfan,
I’m in the same boat. I also have an elderly neighbor that has three children that live close to her. If she is lucky one of them will show up once a month. My wife, kids and myself help her all the time. We mow her yard a lot of the time; keep her one field mowed and we also plow her garden and plant it for her. We even make sure that she gets her mail if the weather is to bad for her to go to the mail box out by the road (about a fourth of a mile). When we don’t see her for a day or two we always check on her. If she had to rely on her children to get things done, it would just grow up or never get done. I look at it as just some more work that has to be worked in some how. But then again we also look after and help two more widows in the area.

 

[mrolson]

Well, I lost my neighbor/friend in February to cancer. Its' tough. I helped last year with the cutting whenever needed but, she is out there on the tractor as well as her kids (they live within 20 miles). So between the three of us, that lawn will get cut this summer and it’s not all on my shoulders.

On a funny note, I was working at home last Thursday and I heard her starting the tractor. Then I started thinking, hum, I took the snow blower off for her so she could fertilize but the decks in the garage. So I look out and her she is in the middle of the lawn, trying to kick in the PTO. OK how to I fix this without embarrassing her ? So I just walk over and say “Hi, can I help ya put the deck on ?” /w3tcompact/icons/blush.gif/w3tcompact/icons/blush.gif She looks down, looks at me and I said “between you and me OK /w3tcompact/icons/wink.gif”

So I put the deck on, filled it up, went and got mine and we proceeded to cut the lawn with a 108” of spinning blades /w3tcompact/icons/smile.gif

 

[tgello]

steelfan,your a good person. it's best to speak your mind and not carry the extra burdon around on your mind.. if you can help once and a while then thats the best you can do. ...tgello

 

[Steelfan]

Thanks to all, I think I did the wrong thing by bringing it here. I talked to everyone, but the people who are in this thing. I got great help here, but my heart isn't into being a hard#@$. I'll deal with this somehow. Thanks for all the suggestions. You have all been awesome. Kent

 

[Molerj]

My neighbor was diagnosed with Melanoma a year ago, January. He mows about 1 1/2
acres. He went thru a yr. of treatment & is doing well now. Just recently got a disablilty
pension. I mow about 8 acres (too much, I know). His wife has never been on the tractor
in the 13 yrs. we have been neighbors & I can't imagine her every mowing grass. They
don't have any children. I really don't want to get involved with his grass because with
mine, my mothers & the other obligations there isn't alot of time left in the summer. What
I really wish, is that he stays healthy & cancer free for many years. He is too nice of a
person & a great friend to be taken away so soon. (58). If mowing his grass would keep
him around, the time would be easy to find.

 

[tgello]

steelfan,to follow up on my comment. i said you were a good person..if you were a S.F. 49ER fan would would be a great person........only kiddin'...tgello

 

[Steelfan]

Well I finally talked to my neighbor about the mowing yesterday. I told her, that would mow the lot next to mine for her everytime I mowed my grass. This will take me no more that 20-30 mins. Its about half of her lawn, but all open. Yesterday her son, and grandson came down, and mowed the whole lawn. She told me she didn't think , I should have to mow her lawn. She was grateful for what I did. So once again the advice I got here helped. I just needed to know that I was doing the right thing talking to her. Thanks Guys Kent

 

[kerr]

Yes sir,you are a fine neighbor fer sure.

happy trails.