Yeah the prep isn't any fun but "medical procedure" and "fun" are not found in the same sentence... There are many different prep options and they keep changing it on us. As I noted earlier both my wife and I are on the 5 yr cycle due to parents having had colon cancer, so this is a regular occurrence every couple years here. Chilling the solution helps a lot and drink it as fast as you can. I can mostly tolerate it but it did gag me a bit towards the end last time. I can definitely see how the need for an adult to be present is a big problem for some.
Sig, I am glad you had good luck with a funeral home. My experience is the opposite and I think they are scum that take advantage of people in a very vulnerable time. Both my MIL and my father's funeral were over $20k and it was unconscionable. Yes I know choices were made that jacked those costs, but not by me. I am in the "dump my body in the river" crowd... Whatever is cheapest
Knock on wood my, only colonoscopy really wasn't that bad. I've heard how much fun it was going to be, particularly with the fluid you have to drink. They gave me something that didn't have to be mixed with water (took it straight) and it honestly tasted like gatorade and wasn't that bad. For whatever reason, not certain why, but don't think my wife was so lucky.
As far as funeral homes go, I'm guessing it's like any other business. There are some HVAC companies I know I wouldn't touch with a 10' pole and for legitimates reasons believe me.
That said, the one funeral home we used was local in town 10 minutes up the road and they have 3 locations. I looked at my dads records and I stand corrected. From start to finish when he died, total fees was not 1K for cremation, but under $1,700 for "everything". That was the local one. The one up in Pennsylvania who handled his service before internment and ran the funeral procession 45 minutes away from their "home" to the cemetery cost us $1,400 (we could have done it cheaper, but relatives were coming in from all over the place and wanted to meet well before the national cemetary scheduled my father was to have his military service there because they run like clockwork and also wanted someone familiar with this type of service). Don't have the heart to look at my sons cremation costs, but I do remember noting is was less than my fathers from the same funeral home for all the cremation costs.
Food and booze for my dad did run and additional $1,100 for 37 people (restaurant located right off of the cemetery, and I could not help but think how much business that restaurant makes off that nationaal cemetery because it's the same place we ate when my uncle was burried there about 4 months ago). Booze of course was easily half that costs.
Renting the local funeral homes "chapel" did run us and additional $300 for our son, but they had everything we needed for sound and video and we found it much easier to use (added we had our sons service about 6 months later just to decompress). Had about 20 people at our home for a catered meal which ran us $350.
Total under $6,550 for two people (as noted, our son's ashes put out back where he loved to sit in the woods, no money for a plot). That was for everything.
Now, you want to know where I felt like I was being taken advantage of per pricing? The obituary for my father (which wasn't included in the total $6,550 costs). We didn't run his obituary in the local paper (Winston Salem Jounal) as no one other than close friends of ours in NC really new him (living with with us for 4 years). But my dad's local paper in Pa, the Pottsville republican (looking, in 2005 they had a total circulation of 26,000 people, most likely substantially down in 2022) ran us $550 (and the one in NC was going to cost $1k!). I remember thinking how in the heck could anyone actually afford an obituary after the incurred funeral expenses.
Sidenote, and something I wish I didn't need to know, but most papers don't charge for an obituary if the deceased is under 18 years in age.
I do remember when we looked at caskets for my mom. Yes, can feel like you're in a car dealers parking lot with the funeral home telling you all the "features and benifits" of higher cost caskets (same funeral home where my dads service was held up in Pa because that's where he wanted it locally). That why I'll always remember the comment I made to the funeral home guy asking him if he had anything in a cardboard box for costs LOL.
That said, both of my parents were veterans and laid to rest in a national cemetary, so actual burial costs per a buiral plot on my end are most likley lower than the national average.
I also hate to break the bad news to you, but I don't think the state is going to allow you to be dumped into the river

For better or worse, once you die, you start a process by the state that no one can seem to evade, including the incurred costs that are "required" (always get more death certificates than you think you may need).
This is also another reason why after having dealt with the process personally, I'd much rather have a trust laid out vs a last will and testament when dealing with any assets and probate that a will must go through.
Sorry for the long winded post, but just pointing out why cremation seems to work best, particularly costs wise.
I did note somewhere else here that I found it so ironic that my dad lived to age 90 and smoked for about 20 years in his life (mostly while in the service as he gave it up when he got out). The death certificate still lists smoking as a cause of his death. It seems nowadays no matter how long you live to, something has to contribute to killing you instead of just old age. I mean, exactly how old are we all supposed to live?
There was an example I found interesting per age, and I'm not going to get this right most likely, but from 1917 to 1967 is the same 50 years from 1974 to 2024. Something like that would never hit me like it did if I was a much younger man.
I'm REALLY hoping and PRAYING that political discussions are not allowed in Heaven
