Got The Call Yesterday

[turnkey4099]

My two kids are only 2 years apart in school, so when it came time for college, we informed them that they would be contributing and they needed to get jobs and start saving up. The forumla we came up with was I paid 1/3, my ex paid 1/3 and the kids paid 1/3. My daughter's school was more expensive but she got a progressive grant, where each year they gave her a larger amount (encourages one to stay in school!); the first year was only $1k, the second $2k etc..........she also got Pell grants and a few other small ones. When my son decided to go to Law school, I told him those costs would be up to him, and he got student loans to cover it, but he lived at home with me and I took care of his car expenses etc.

I think having the kids pay at least for part of their education gives it more value to them, instead of just going to school to party and hook up - they had to earn their way and keep their grades up.

My take, FWIW......

That is pretty much my view of it. I don't think _any_ kid, no matter how much money the old man has, should get a free ride. Help out yes, pay the whole thing while the kid contributes nothing, no. He can alaways get a part-time job slinging burgers if nothing else.

Harry K

 

[EddieWalker]

I hope this doesn't start an argument, or offend anybody.

I don't have the money to give my kids a free ride either, and probably wont by the time they are old enough to go, but we will do everything we can to be sure they get that piece of paper. As long as they get good grades, it really doesn't matter how much they contribute to it financially. The goal is for them to get thier degree.

The lesson that they should learn is that if they start something and work hard at achiveing it, they will succeed. Having to pay part or all of that is just a distraction on the main goal. I don't think a kid who gets a full ride is getting any less of an education then one who pays for the entire thing himself. Both end up with the same degree, but which one had the oportunity to study more and get better grades? Assuming that the kid with the full ride is just gonna party and goof off has no validity, especially if he learned his priorities growing up. If you already know that your kid will just goof off and not study, then it's an obvious choice. I expect that most of us here have kids that did well in grade school and will continue to do so in college.

Again, I'm not directing this at anybody. It's just a general feeling I'm getting from reading this and my personal failing at higher education. My wife also droped out of college because she had to pay for it herself and found it too dificult to work and go to school at the same time. She also plans to go back to school and get her degree one day.

I would hate for anybody to put thier kid in a similar situation that may lead to them droping out of school when they could make it through if they had a little more support. There is a reason more people drop out of college then high school. I think a big part of it is how much, or lack of, support they get from home is the biggest factor.

Eddie

 

[mjarrels]

A couple of years ago, my wife worked the international coffee bar and food service at James Madison University. She would tell horror stories about these kids who would fill their tray (not talking college standard dining room here) at big $$... set down and pick at the food and beverage for a few minutes then toss the stuff in the trash. All put on the JAC card for someone else to pay. My son worked there for about a year too and has seen it happen over and over.

mark

 

[RockyMnt1]

I guess that I was very lucky. My kid got a free college degree via scholarships, so I guess that I have to disagree with turnkey4099. There are students who take their education very seriously with out having to work at a paying job to drive the point home. Since my kid graduated summa *** laude and Phi Beta Kappa, I have to assume that she wasn't out partying or hooking up every night and really didn't need a job to make her appreciate her situation.

 

[scott_vt]

In other words, if someone wants the benefits of lower interest loans, nothing due until after graduation, one stop application for a bunch of different sources then the 'price' to be paid is the FAFSA process.

Afternoon Mike,
After asking a few more questions, the reason that we went through the whole FAFSA ordeal was to procure low interest loans for the boys after their graduation. We paid most of the costs, but they are left to pay what was leftover. We didnt burden them with huge loans but at least they get the idea whats involved with getting a college education as far as the financial end !

I apologize for my ignorance on this subject, but I stand behind an earlier statement that the whole process is a pain ! I believe others share my sentiments !

 

[AlanB]

I am about to go through this in another year, so I am watching intently.

I think so much of the should they help pay just comes down to the child, and the circumstances. I am sure we can all find examples to show any particular point.

From my point, I set the stage a long time ago that my kids will have to pay their own way. Will I help, certainly, as I do with everything, but I want them working hard to cover it, and me stepping in to fill in the voids.

I told her to take up Golf I understand that there are more Golf scholarships for women then there are women to take advantage of them. Something about equality in sports programs etc. etc.

I also know that a close freind of mine, his son, an excellent kid, good grades, hard worker etc. is loosing his TN lottery scholarship because he got so poor of grades the 1st semester (partied too much) that he could not pull them on line the 2nd. He just learned a big life lesson right there, but I do not think his dad will just cover the bill to send him too school next year. I know I would not. Sometimes, at that point in our life, we think we know a little more then we really do

 

[hazmat]

I got a "free ride" thru college (thanks Mom & Dad) as did my 3 siblings all within 6 years (2 sets of twins 2 years apart). I worked 4-8 hours a week while in school for beer money. Worked full time in the summer to pay for car and vacation expenses. Those were my humble contributions.

In state costs in Mass rival what I (Mom & Dad) paid 10 years ago for an Ivy League education. If you can afford to help your kids, by all means do it. If you raised them right, they aren't going to sqaunder your money away. If you didn't raise them right, it's too late to teach them the value of a dollar. Just my humble opinion.

My financial adviser is predicting that it will cost $650K to send my daughter in 17 years ...

 

[N80]

I got a full scholarship when I went to school. But it cost me my freedom....I went to the Citadel. For anyone curious about that particular prison, err, college, look here:

http://www.citadel.edu/

I got a great education there and it did not cost my parents a dime. They helped with spending money and helped me get a pick-up truck to drive (I still paid half of that). I also worked summers as a telephone lineman. I took out a student loan for my first year of med school ($10K total) and the USAF paid for the last three. That cost me 6 years in the USAF, which was fine.

So my parents paid nothing. For 8 years of school.

Still, I don't have a strong feeling that my kids should have to pay for college. I'm not against it either. I do have mixed feelings about kids working while they are in school. Part time might be okay. But if I (or we) am going to spend that much money on education, I want them to be commited to it. Absolutely immersed in it, in fact.

My oldest will go in two years. I doubt I'll qualify for any financial aid or loans. We will pursue all sorts of scholarships, large and small. Even local Wild Turkey Federation chapters give $500 scholarships. I have not told my oldest I will pay his entire way. I have told him that a lot will depend on his performance and we'll take things on a year by year basis. I've made it very clear that he will not be using my money at an expensive university to make 'C's. "Two-O and go" will not be his motto. He can do 'fair to middlin' at the local tech school which train him to make a living and cost tons less. If he really commits himself to his school work and makes good grades, I'll be more than willing to pay all I can. But if he goofs off, he'll either pay his own way, join the military, get a job or go to tech. Neither goofing off at my expense at a university or living at home for now on is an option.

My daughter has never brought home anything lower than an 'A' in her life. She is driven like no one I've ever seen. It absolutely kills her that there are two kids in her grade with a higher average. I suspect she'll get an academic scholarship somewhere. (Fingers crossed).

 

[dmccarty]

I got a "free ride" thru college (thanks Mom & Dad) as did my 3 siblings all within 6 years (2 sets of twins 2 years apart)....

Lordy, there are TWO of you!

Your poor parents. TWO sets of twins. I can barely handle two kids three years apart much less four kids! And TWINS!

I'm sure its great once the diapers are gone though.

If you raised them right, they aren't going to sqaunder your money away. If you didn't raise them right, it's too late to teach them the value of a dollar. Just my humble opinion.

Bingo. I think the same. If they understood how to handle money before they go to school they will be ok. If they have been handed a silver spoon all of their life they will continue to expect the spoon.

My financial adviser is predicting that it will cost $650K to send my daughter in 17 years ...

GULP. Now that is depressing.

Where I went to school, it was upper division only so to get the lower division classes you had to go to a JC. The best bang for the buck is a JC/CC. Go there for two years, get your credits, and then graduate from the Big Name School. I did not have any problem with credits transfering and I would expect that transfering within the state should be pretty easy.

At the JC the teachers are teachers. Not Grad students. Not professors who would rather or need to be doing research and having to teach. The JC has professional teachers. I had good teachers at the JC and my graduating school. But most of my good teachers where at the JC. I had bad teachers at both but its one thing to have a bad teacher in a who cares subject compared to your major. AND having to pay alot of money for the bad teacher.

I worked my way through school to pay for my car and spending money but mainly to get work experience. I knew that was far more valuable than the degree. Then I got married so I really had to work to pay the bills and finish school. I forget the number, but the VAST majority of people who start school dont finish. Its VERY hard to work a PT/FT job and go to school full time. Been There Done That and bought the T shirt. Its not fun.

I know some very intelligent and much smarter people than I that never finished school. People who where at the top of their class and getting 1400+ on SATS. I'm guessing I had a B average in HS. I know people in HS that took AP classes with A averages and they did not finish college. Don't make it too hard on the kids. Its hard enough as is.

I have heard of parents going into debt for 50-100K to get a kid an Enlish degree. That is INSANE...

Later,
Dan

 

[rox]

I hope this doesn't start an argument, or offend anybody.

I don't have the money to give my kids a free ride either, and probably wont by the time they are old enough to go, but we will do everything we can to be sure they get that piece of paper. As long as they get good grades, it really doesn't matter how much they contribute to it financially. The goal is for them to get thier degree.

The lesson that they should learn is that if they start something and work hard at achiveing it, they will succeed. Having to pay part or all of that is just a distraction on the main goal. I don't think a kid who gets a full ride is getting any less of an education then one who pays for the entire thing himself. Both end up with the same degree, but which one had the oportunity to study more and get better grades? Assuming that the kid with the full ride is just gonna party and goof off has no validity, especially if he learned his priorities growing up. If you already know that your kid will just goof off and not study, then it's an obvious choice. I expect that most of us here have kids that did well in grade school and will continue to do so in college.

Again, I'm not directing this at anybody. It's just a general feeling I'm getting from reading this and my personal failing at higher education. My wife also droped out of college because she had to pay for it herself and found it too dificult to work and go to school at the same time. She also plans to go back to school and get her degree one day.

I would hate for anybody to put thier kid in a similar situation that may lead to them droping out of school when they could make it through if they had a little more support. There is a reason more people drop out of college then high school. I think a big part of it is how much, or lack of, support they get from home is the biggest factor.

Eddie

Eddie this one is for you, because your kids are still young and I apologize in advance for hijacking the thread, but it does go along iwth the discussion.

Our son when he headed of to a very expensive out of state university had $18,000 in the bank that he mostly earned. he wrote the check form his own funds for his first semester and we had to kick in and help him with funds for the second semester and forward.

How did the kid get $18,000 in the bank? Christmas money form grandpa and grandma (say it was $100 - $50 went in the bank and $50 they coud buy what they wanted) Their Baptism money and Confirmation money was in there but it was not extravagant amunts by any means.

Here is what we did. We told our kids when they were 14 that they had to get a job and work either friday night or Saturday night but not both. My son got a job in a shoe store, he was a cart boy at a grocery store and then eventually worked for dad at his restaurant. All those paycheck, the kids handed them over to us and WE put them in the bank in their name. they handed us theri paycheck and we gave them $10 spending money out of our own pocket. We bought all their clothes, we bought a used car and paid for insurance and even the gasoline, we paid it all when they were younger and trust me these kids did not "want." Instead of taking their paychecks and buying say a new iPod we got the paychecks and they waited until Christmas or birthday for an iPod.

This advice goes completely contratry to all advice about raising children. When they get a paycheck they need to learn responsibility and handle it blh blah blah. When that happens the kids don't save squat. Just get in there and we started right away with babysitting money when either of them would do babysitting say they earned $10 we let them keep $3 we took the cash money of 47 and put it in the bank. If you start them when they are young it is all they know and they won't fight you on it, it is just the way it is. Now if they worked more than one night a week, then they got to keep half of the second days/pay. in this way they had some incentive to work a little extra. Some how oyu and Stph and scrape it together to find a junk car for them to drive you can suck it up and squeeze out the extra cost for car insurance and then when they go to college they have the supreme JOY of paying for it with money that they earned themselves. You jsut have to be very firm about never ever dipping into their bank accounts for anything, ever. You will be surprised how much money thye can earn over their teenaged years. Beleive me our kids did nto want to get jobs. But we made them and they got used to it.

I also agree with you that it is very hard to work full time and go to school full time. I think ideal is to work part time and go to school full time. Our kids worked when they were in college but not anywhere near full time. Not that some people can't so it, but generally I think the far majority of people are not able to work full time and go to school full time for the whole 4 or 5 years.

My daughter had less in the bank then my son only $12,000 but she earned it and she was very very proud to ahve money in the bank when she went to college, HER money not our money. if she would ahve dropped out the account was in her name and she could have done with it as she wished.

So it is possible Eddie even if oyu think it isn't. Even if you think the expenses are beyond your abilities, we did this and it worked. I would never want to ever tell my kids they are on their own for college, if I had to, i guess I would say "You are going to college we will help you all we can, jsut keep studying and set your sites high. I don't knwo where the money is going to come from but son/daughter we will jsut ahve to work on this together" Kids need to know that their parents want to help even if that help ends up to be very limited.