Big Barn
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40 cents (usd) each if the deer is in Canada.
?????? GROAN 2
- Thread starter Xfaxman
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40 cents (usd) each if the deer is in Canada.
There was a farmer, who absolutely loved his tractors. He collected all kinds of tractors and tractor memorabilia. The only thing he cared more for, was his lovely wife.
One day, he heard his wife make an awful scream out in the fields. He sprinted outside to find her body crushed by a tractor.
He was mortified, and promptly sold all of his tractors, all his tractor posters and collectibles, the lot.
A few years later, he meets a nice lady and decides he is ready to move on and try and find love once again.
While out to dinner with this young woman, the room begins to fill with smoke, completely enveloping the room.
The farmer says “Don’t worry, I will handle this”, and takes a big breath in and sucks up all the smoke. He sprints outside and blows all the smoke into the street.
When sitting back down, the woman says to the man “that was incredible, how did you do that?”. To which the man replies “Oh it was nothing, I’m an ex-tractor fan”
One day, he heard his wife make an awful scream out in the fields. He sprinted outside to find her body crushed by a tractor.
He was mortified, and promptly sold all of his tractors, all his tractor posters and collectibles, the lot.
A few years later, he meets a nice lady and decides he is ready to move on and try and find love once again.
While out to dinner with this young woman, the room begins to fill with smoke, completely enveloping the room.
The farmer says “Don’t worry, I will handle this”, and takes a big breath in and sucks up all the smoke. He sprints outside and blows all the smoke into the street.
When sitting back down, the woman says to the man “that was incredible, how did you do that?”. To which the man replies “Oh it was nothing, I’m an ex-tractor fan”
OP
Xfaxman
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OP
Xfaxman
Super Star Member
- Joined
- Feb 8, 2013
- Messages
- 12,883
- Location
- Guthrie, OK
- Tractor
- Toolcat 5610 G - Bobcat V417 - TORO+Loader
Little
One for our Canadian friends... 
A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural North Alberta. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing. The litigator responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I'm going to retrieve it." The old farmer Peter replied, "This is my property, and you are not coming over here." The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial lawyers in Canada and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own." The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we settle disputes in Alberta. We settle small disagreements like this with the 'Three Kick Rule.' The lawyer asked, "What is the 'Three Kick Rule'?" The Farmer replied, "Well, because the dispute occurs on my land, I get to go first. I kick you three times and then you kick me three times and so on back and forth until someone gives up." The lawyer quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom. The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the attorney. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy steel-toed work boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees! His second kick to the midriff sent the lawyer's last meal gushing from his mouth. The lawyer was on all fours when the farmer's third kick to his rear end, sent him face-first into a fresh cow pie. Summoning every bit of his will and remaining strength the lawyer very slowly managed to get to his feet. Wiping his face with the arm of his jacket, he said, "Okay, you old son-of-a- bit@&! Now it's my turn." The old farmer smiled and said, "Nah, I give up. You can have the duck."
A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural North Alberta. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing. The litigator responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I'm going to retrieve it." The old farmer Peter replied, "This is my property, and you are not coming over here." The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial lawyers in Canada and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own." The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we settle disputes in Alberta. We settle small disagreements like this with the 'Three Kick Rule.' The lawyer asked, "What is the 'Three Kick Rule'?" The Farmer replied, "Well, because the dispute occurs on my land, I get to go first. I kick you three times and then you kick me three times and so on back and forth until someone gives up." The lawyer quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom. The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the attorney. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy steel-toed work boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees! His second kick to the midriff sent the lawyer's last meal gushing from his mouth. The lawyer was on all fours when the farmer's third kick to his rear end, sent him face-first into a fresh cow pie. Summoning every bit of his will and remaining strength the lawyer very slowly managed to get to his feet. Wiping his face with the arm of his jacket, he said, "Okay, you old son-of-a- bit@&! Now it's my turn." The old farmer smiled and said, "Nah, I give up. You can have the duck."
jerrybob
Elite Member
Marshall Dillon is returning from a 3-day trip hunting for outlaws. He see Chester walking down the middle of the street completely naked.
"Chester! What the hell are you doing walking down the street without your clothes?""Well, Mr. Dillon," says Chester, "since you were gone, Miss Kitty asked me to go on a picnic with her. So, we rode out to the woods, and she put a blanket on the ground. Then she took off all her clothes, and she told me to take off mine!"
"When we were both naked, she laid down on the blanket and spread her legs and said, 'OK, Chester, go to town!' So, here I am!"
i7win7
Veteran Member
Don't get mad, don't get even, get ahead
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