?????? GROAN
- Thread starter Xfaxman
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/pine
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I went to a fortune teller. She said she had a headache, so I offered her some aspirin, medium strength.
Damifino
Gold Member
A trucking company in Denver Colorado had been running ads and was having a problem with filling their quota of new drivers, no one had come in for interview.
After about 2 weeks, a man walks in the receptionists office. She said may I help you? He stated he was here about the drivers job, she buzzed the boss and he excitedly says, send him back.
When the applicant entered the bosses office, he was greeted with a firm handshake (pre covid) When asked how long he had been driving, he replied “27 years”.
Then the boss said I will give you a oral test, the applicant says “Iffin and when I pass this test, when do me and Leroy go to work. The boss asks, “who’s Leroy?. He states Leroy is his swapper. The boss says he don’t hire swappers.
He states that Leroy has been his swapper for 27 years and if he didn’t hire him, he would look elsewhere for employment. Boss stood firm, at that moment the applicant was heading for the door, the boss realizing he’s the only applicant and needed truck drivers asap.
Says, wait, I’ll hire Leroy as your swapper if you pass the test, he turned around and took a seat in front of the boss’s desk. The boss starts the verbal test, alright, your in one of our rigs on top of pikes peak descending at about 25 mph.
All of sudden your main air line ruptures, you got no brakes, you come to a 2 lane bridge 3000’ drop both sides, another 18 wheeler jack knifed across bridge, quick, what’s the first thing you do?, he takes his right hand brushes across his face, stares at the ceiling and says, I think I’m going to wake Leroy up. The boss looking puzzled at his answer.
The boss ask why would you wake Leroy up, he says I told you he’s been my swapper for 27 years and he ain’t ever seen a dam accident like we fixin to have.
After about 2 weeks, a man walks in the receptionists office. She said may I help you? He stated he was here about the drivers job, she buzzed the boss and he excitedly says, send him back.
When the applicant entered the bosses office, he was greeted with a firm handshake (pre covid) When asked how long he had been driving, he replied “27 years”.
Then the boss said I will give you a oral test, the applicant says “Iffin and when I pass this test, when do me and Leroy go to work. The boss asks, “who’s Leroy?. He states Leroy is his swapper. The boss says he don’t hire swappers.
He states that Leroy has been his swapper for 27 years and if he didn’t hire him, he would look elsewhere for employment. Boss stood firm, at that moment the applicant was heading for the door, the boss realizing he’s the only applicant and needed truck drivers asap.
Says, wait, I’ll hire Leroy as your swapper if you pass the test, he turned around and took a seat in front of the boss’s desk. The boss starts the verbal test, alright, your in one of our rigs on top of pikes peak descending at about 25 mph.
All of sudden your main air line ruptures, you got no brakes, you come to a 2 lane bridge 3000’ drop both sides, another 18 wheeler jack knifed across bridge, quick, what’s the first thing you do?, he takes his right hand brushes across his face, stares at the ceiling and says, I think I’m going to wake Leroy up. The boss looking puzzled at his answer.
The boss ask why would you wake Leroy up, he says I told you he’s been my swapper for 27 years and he ain’t ever seen a dam accident like we fixin to have.
Jim Shooz
Veteran Member
How does Jack Frost get to work? By icicles.
bunyip
Elite Member
The Pope travels to London and is visiting the Italian sector, his shoe suddenly loses a sole and he sees a shoe repairer who is Jewish, his shoe is repaired on the spot and he takes out his purse, the shoe repair says no charge but I would like to let everyone know I repaired your shoe, the Pope agrees and a sign goes up shortly afterwards announcing 'COBBLERS TO THE POPE'
Over the road is a slightly aggrieved Italian cobbler who also puts up a sign 'BOLLOCKS TO THE RABBI'.
Toby was a pub dog and the locals loved him, never barked, bit any one or pee on the carpet, one day he died and went to heaven, St Peter arrived at the gates and told him he couldn't come in, Toby was quite upset and said he had always been a good dog, St Peter agreed but said he knew all this but because he didn't have a tail he wasn't allowed it, Toby explained that his owners had cut his tail off and hung it on the wall in his memory and if he got it back on he could come in.
Toby arrived back at the pub at about 3am and scratched on the door, the owner got up and was surprised to see Toby who explained his situation and said he wanted his tail stitched back on, the owner said this was OK and to come back at 10am, Toby protested saying that was 7 hours away and why can't he do it now, well, it's all to do with the liquor laws (GROAN) we are not allowed to retail spirits before 10am.
Over the road is a slightly aggrieved Italian cobbler who also puts up a sign 'BOLLOCKS TO THE RABBI'.
Toby was a pub dog and the locals loved him, never barked, bit any one or pee on the carpet, one day he died and went to heaven, St Peter arrived at the gates and told him he couldn't come in, Toby was quite upset and said he had always been a good dog, St Peter agreed but said he knew all this but because he didn't have a tail he wasn't allowed it, Toby explained that his owners had cut his tail off and hung it on the wall in his memory and if he got it back on he could come in.
Toby arrived back at the pub at about 3am and scratched on the door, the owner got up and was surprised to see Toby who explained his situation and said he wanted his tail stitched back on, the owner said this was OK and to come back at 10am, Toby protested saying that was 7 hours away and why can't he do it now, well, it's all to do with the liquor laws (GROAN) we are not allowed to retail spirits before 10am.
/pine
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A backward poet writes inverse.
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Xfaxman
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Q: What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?
A: Nacho cheese!
A: Nacho cheese!
/pine
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You need Degas to make de Van Gogh
bunyip
Elite Member
And teaching philosophy in a womens prison, put Descartes before de ******.....
/pine
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For my wife's birthday, I got her a dwarfish clown who told jokes. It wasn't a great gift, but she appreciated the jester.
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