Growing Old With Dignity

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   / Growing Old With Dignity #51  
Because there are those in power who believe death-with-dignity is not our choice. That's the law in most states.

Ending your life is a basic human right that no government has ever managed to take from people. Buy a copy of Derek Humphre's Final Exit and choose your poison. As long as you do it yourself, it's nobody's business but yours.
 
   / Growing Old With Dignity #52  
Our buddy, Crash RIP, he went quick.
 
   / Growing Old With Dignity #55  
Interesting thread. My parents are in their mid 80's and now live in an assisted living home. About 4 years ago, they were no longer able to care for themselves and required 24 hour sitters. This was costing them about $14,000 per month.

My mom's mother was in a nursing home for about 8 years. Because my mom witnessed her mom living in the nursing home, she really resisted leaving her own home and moving to the assisted living.

But, my siblings and I could not sit and care for them at their home, and at $14,000 per month, the money would not last long. So we decided to move them to assisted living. Now, their cost is about $6500 per month.

We researched many options and did everything we could to keep them in their own home, but we finally decide the assisted living was the best option.

Now that they have been there for 4 years, I feel it was the best option. Mom's memory has deteriorated and dad can no longer walk and needs help with personal hygiene.

One of the best things my dad ever did was purchase a long term care policy. It pays about $4800 a month for their care. If not for that, there would be very little if any of their estate left.

I'll be 59 next week and I have not done anything yet for my wife and I's long term care. I need to make more plans soon. Just like my dad did.

I don't think I really made my point in my previous post, so I'll try to make it here.

Some have posted here that they never want to live in a nursing home, and that was the same way my parents felt. However, it got to a point that there was really no other good choice. They now live where all of their meals are prepared, they have nurses administer their medications, and all of their needs are met.

Dad understood that this was necessary, but mom never really accepted it. She is better with it now, but the Alzheimers is getting stronger.

They are in an Assisted Living facility, which is different than a nursing home, but it is still not their own home. I am very pleased with the care they get now. Both would probably not be here anymore if they had stayed in their own home. If I ever get to be in the same position they are now, I feel that I would be happy to be in a facility like theirs now.

As far as their dignity, my dad is living with very little dignity left in his life. He has no control of his bladder and bowel activity and has to depend on the assistants to change him and bath him. He can still feed himself.

There are some days that I wish the Good Lord would call him up to heaven, but I also know that we would all miss him very much.....
 
   / Growing Old With Dignity #56  
This is a very interesting thread, especially posts #4, #8, #19, and #36.:D I agree with each of them. I do believe that some of those who think they have everything planned may be in for a big surprise. I know my Dad and his Dad never wanted to go to a nursing home, but eventually had to. Of course, in my days as a police officer, I've seen some suicides, one was even a Baptist preacher uncle of mine by marriage. Could I do it? Probably not, but I do think that should be a legally available option to those who wish to do so.

We have tried to plan ahead as much as possible to make things as easy on our daughters as possible. My wife and I both have Living Wills, Do Not Resuscitate Clauses, our funerals (and cremation) are already paid for, the niche in the columbarium at the cemetery already has our names on it.:D

I'm 79 and if I live another 12 months, I will have lived longer than any male member of my family has ever lived. Now I made my peace with God long ago, so I'm not in any hurry to go, but I'm ready anytime he is.
 
   / Growing Old With Dignity #57  
Bird, the longer I live the less I fear death. And the list of those I'm anxious to see again grows.
 
   / Growing Old With Dignity #58  
Ending your life is a basic human right that no government has ever managed to take from people. Buy a copy of Derek Humphre's Final Exit and choose your poison. As long as you do it yourself, it's nobody's business but yours.

I agree it is a basic human right but the states' governments have enacted a hodgepodge of arbitrary laws that make the use of that right difficult. It's unfortunate the US Constitution doesn't have that right spelled out like the right to bear arms. Consequently it's left up to the states to officially address the death-with-dignity issue. Unofficially, far as I'm concerned, those laws are irrelevant.
 
   / Growing Old With Dignity #59  
I agree it is a basic human right but the states' governments have enacted a hodgepodge of arbitrary laws that make the use of that right difficult. It's unfortunate the US Constitution doesn't have that right spelled out like the right to bear arms. Consequently it's left up to the states to officially address the death-with-dignity issue. Unofficially, far as I'm concerned, those laws are irrelevant.

The laws are mostly of Christian origin. My dad wanted to check out, but my mom wouldn't hear of it, because she believed it would grease his skids right into ****. He wasn't a Christian, so the question was probably moot. A lot of churches still won't allow a suicide a church funeral. He died of lung cancer, so he killed himself with 65 years of Camel straights. At the end, the doctors killed him. He was in such terrible pain that they slapped a fentanyl patch on him. After that he never regained consciousness, and died of dehydration when he couldn't drink water any more. My father-in-law went in a similar fashion, but with an unregulated morphine pump.

There needs to be more discussion of means. As you probably know, 2/3 of gun deaths in the US are suicides. That's a horrible thing to do to the survivors. Somebody has to clean up the mess. I have done it. You would not believe how much blood there is in a human body. It sprays all over the walls and pools on the floor. You would not believe the stench. I wore a carbon canister respirator, and could still smell it. I urge anyone thinking of eating a bullet to at least go outside where the bugs can do the cleanup.

I suspect that the big runup in drug overdoses is due, at least in part, to choosing a painless and neater way to go. If you are under a doctor's care and he/she is willing to sign the death certificate, there won't even be an autopsy. People can hang it up as "accidental," the survivors can have their church funeral, and anything that helps people through the grief is a good thing. Of course, the ideal thing is to tell your loved ones in advance that your time has come, but if you can't trust them not to interfere, that may not be a choice.

Having been caregiver for my parents as they died, I think growing old with dignity is pretty unlikely. My mother's best friend was the exception. She was in her late 70s, and they found her on a bench on the back porch with her boot laces still in her hands. When I was a kid, I didn't understand the old guys who said they wanted to "die with their boots on." Now that I'm in my 70s, that's what I want too. I've had my three score and ten. There are worse things than dying.
 
   / Growing Old With Dignity #60  
The laws are mostly of Christian origin. My dad wanted to check out, but my mom wouldn't hear of it, because she believed it would grease his skids right into ****. He wasn't a Christian, so the question was probably moot. A lot of churches still won't allow a suicide a church funeral. He died of lung cancer, so he killed himself with 65 years of Camel straights. At the end, the doctors killed him. He was in such terrible pain that they slapped a fentanyl patch on him. After that he never regained consciousness, and died of dehydration when he couldn't drink water any more. My father-in-law went in a similar fashion, but with an unregulated morphine pump.

There needs to be more discussion of means. As you probably know, 2/3 of gun deaths in the US are suicides. That's a horrible thing to do to the survivors. Somebody has to clean up the mess. I have done it. You would not believe how much blood there is in a human body. It sprays all over the walls and pools on the floor. You would not believe the stench. I wore a carbon canister respirator, and could still smell it. I urge anyone thinking of eating a bullet to at least go outside where the bugs can do the cleanup.

I suspect that the big runup in drug overdoses is due, at least in part, to choosing a painless and neater way to go. If you are under a doctor's care and he/she is willing to sign the death certificate, there won't even be an autopsy. People can hang it up as "accidental," the survivors can have their church funeral, and anything that helps people through the grief is a good thing. Of course, the ideal thing is to tell your loved ones in advance that your time has come, but if you can't trust them not to interfere, that may not be a choice.

Having been caregiver for my parents as they died, I think growing old with dignity is pretty unlikely. My mother's best friend was the exception. She was in her late 70s, and they found her on a bench on the back porch with her boot laces still in her hands. When I was a kid, I didn't understand the old guys who said they wanted to "die with their boots on." Now that I'm in my 70s, that's what I want too. I've had my three score and ten. There are worse things than dying.

Everyone has their opinion. No right or wrong. But I’m with YOU on this one. :)
 
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