drssg
Veteran Member
It didn’t seem to occur to him that she might be a little upset to discover his corpse the next day. I don’t think he believed in his own mortality at that point.
Help! I've fallen and I can't get up.....
- Thread starter CMV
- Start date
- Views: 2789
It didn’t seem to occur to him that she might be a little upset to discover his corpse the next day. I don’t think he believed in his own mortality at that point.
KubotainNH
Veteran Member
After my mom's first major fall we were able to talk her into a Life Alert necklace. That thing paid for itself multiple times over. The one she has can detect a fall, it is always around her neck even when she goes out with one of us kids. She's set it off falling multiple times since she got it, at this point I don't even think she would think to use the button on it unless she happened to be laying on the ground for a while. The unit has a base that connects to a regular phone line. They talk to the user via the base unit. If the user does not answer they call 911 then all the numbers on the list they have. It's also been used just to get one us kids over her house because she crouched down, fell over and just didn't have the strength to get up, no damage at least.
The independence part is tough. I remember not letting my mom renew her license after a stroke. I refused to fix her car and she couldn't do it on her own. It's tough but you gotta keep others safe too. She still lives by herself in her own apartment, I can't think how it would be without that life line setup.
The independence part is tough. I remember not letting my mom renew her license after a stroke. I refused to fix her car and she couldn't do it on her own. It's tough but you gotta keep others safe too. She still lives by herself in her own apartment, I can't think how it would be without that life line setup.
newbury
Super Star Member
- Joined
- Jan 8, 2009
- Messages
- 14,119
- Location
- From Vt, in Va, retiring to MS
- Tractor
- Kubota's - B7610, M4700
At about age 70, in 1974, my Grandfather was laying out a site for new house about 75 yards from the duplex where my parents and he and my Nan lived. He got a blood clot in his leg and fell, he was not visible because of tall grass. He yelled until he was too tired but noon could hear him. My Father found him hours later. He was rushed to the hospital but the clot went to his brain and he died. If he had possessed some method of notifying the house he probably would have lived another 20 years.
My MIL is a lovely OBSTINATE 95 year old who has lived alone for about 30 years. She refuses Life Alert style devices. A few years ago we managed to get her to CONTINUOUSLY carry a cell phone. Random calls were an easy way to check on her status. Last year at this time she was driving and got her license renewed. She was driving during the summer, then she had a minor fall in her bedroom. She couldn't lift herself up on the bed and had to crawl about 25 feet to stairs to get herself up. She said she had her cell phone, but didn't want to call my BIL WHO IS A PRACTICING FAMILY PHYSICIAN (AND LIVES LESS THAN ONE MILE AWAY!!) because it was past 6pm and she did not want to bother him at night.
After the fall her health declined, she got a cold, got weaker, and had great trouble getting up a small flight of stairs
and we ended buying her a stairlift (about $2,000 for 6 steps).
Well, she fell AGAIN about a week ago, according to her she was backing up and tripped over a vase on the floor. AGAIN she wouldn't call anyone.
Us OLD people don't like to relinquish control of our lives. But we need to be able to contact others. Cell phones are excellent.
We recently looked into several Life Alert style services for the MIL, they were all run from far away and little assurance they would get prompt reaction in a rural area.
With the cell phone one of us generally calls her every day and she calls whenever she wants.
My MIL is a lovely OBSTINATE 95 year old who has lived alone for about 30 years. She refuses Life Alert style devices. A few years ago we managed to get her to CONTINUOUSLY carry a cell phone. Random calls were an easy way to check on her status. Last year at this time she was driving and got her license renewed. She was driving during the summer, then she had a minor fall in her bedroom. She couldn't lift herself up on the bed and had to crawl about 25 feet to stairs to get herself up. She said she had her cell phone, but didn't want to call my BIL WHO IS A PRACTICING FAMILY PHYSICIAN (AND LIVES LESS THAN ONE MILE AWAY!!) because it was past 6pm and she did not want to bother him at night.
After the fall her health declined, she got a cold, got weaker, and had great trouble getting up a small flight of stairs
and we ended buying her a stairlift (about $2,000 for 6 steps).
Well, she fell AGAIN about a week ago, according to her she was backing up and tripped over a vase on the floor. AGAIN she wouldn't call anyone.
Us OLD people don't like to relinquish control of our lives. But we need to be able to contact others. Cell phones are excellent.
We recently looked into several Life Alert style services for the MIL, they were all run from far away and little assurance they would get prompt reaction in a rural area.
With the cell phone one of us generally calls her every day and she calls whenever she wants.
KubotainNH
Veteran Member
That's part of the pluses on the life alert thing, you can set it up to have multiple numbers called by a human. They call local 911 if needed then run down the list of numbers on file. The system works very well.
farmeratheart
Platinum Member
Agreed- my folk’s system called 911, a close family friend who lived a few doors down and then my sister. As I said earlier, we were fortunate that my parents were willing to use the assistance available so that they could remain ‘home’ longer.
Alan W.
Veteran Member
- Joined
- Apr 6, 2000
- Messages
- 1,941
- Location
- Kentucky
- Tractor
- Kubota L3650 & Bobcat 763G & Craftsman DGS6500
I take care of my Great Aunt and I dont allow her to drive. There are ways to stop them without their consent. It may seem cruel and mean spirited, but the potential consequences make it necessary.
I found her in the floor multiple times because she insisted on taking meds that reacted badly. Took me awhile but I finally found all her stashes and threw them out. Her sister, my Grandmother, was the same way, loved to self medicate.
I have stopped arguing with her on matters that affect her only. When we are at the Doctors office I inform them of what she has decided or what she is or is not doing so it is documented. I see that she has everthing she needs. You can only do so much if they are unwilling to cooperate.
But the real thing to learn from all of this is to remember what you have been going through now when your kids start telling you its time to make some changes in the future.
I found her in the floor multiple times because she insisted on taking meds that reacted badly. Took me awhile but I finally found all her stashes and threw them out. Her sister, my Grandmother, was the same way, loved to self medicate.
I have stopped arguing with her on matters that affect her only. When we are at the Doctors office I inform them of what she has decided or what she is or is not doing so it is documented. I see that she has everthing she needs. You can only do so much if they are unwilling to cooperate.
But the real thing to learn from all of this is to remember what you have been going through now when your kids start telling you its time to make some changes in the future.
OP
CMV
Platinum Member
She's an RN - license not current, but was a nurse her entire adult life. When my grandmother got to the point she couldn't live alone, mom moved in with her. After about 10 yrs or so, gram still doing great, just couldn't be alone, so mom decided to sell her house. Being 1:15 away & dealing with renters (house was huge & split into 4 apartments) was too much. A few yrs ago gram passes, so time for mom to get her own place. She decided to rent a small house that's close to my sis (also an RN) and her brother. It's a nice little house and great size for her. She navigates stairs & stuff just fine (for now).
But rebuilding basement stairs or attic stairs or other major modifications...not putting $ into being a rental. She was just gonna buy it, but I think we have talked out of that since the stairs... It's an old house. Has a full finished basement but originally it was a walk out basement with no access to first floor. You'd have to walk outside and around the house to get out of the basement and into the main living floor of the house the way it was back in the 50's. So at some point, those steps were added, but not enough room for them....so they are crazy steep. And at the bottom, no landing. The last step (first step as you're going up) is literally butted against a cinder block wall. Yeah....fall down those steps and you're going into a wall! Maybe a spiral staircase would work there, but just no way to even to a landing & 90 deg turn halfway. You'd have to see it - I can't describe it well. She couldn't either and I couldn't understand until I saw it in person since I couldn't imagine stairs being built that way. The added bonus is there is nowhere on main floor to relocate washer & dryer. The ONLY place they'd physically fit is in 2nd bedroom or living room. But she absolutely loves that little house so getting her to pack up & head for a 1 story only isn't going to happen. I suspect she will stay there until she can't stay anywhere, then move in with us or my sis or assisted living. SO the stairs scare me & sis - we view them as inevitable hospital stay. Mom, not in the least.....
Carrying cell 100% is doable. She has no land line, just the cell, so the emergency call button type deals that go thru home phone line are out. Looked into some of the ones that work off a phone app - wear a bracelet or pendant and the call button will text or call up to 5 different #s. But every one of those had issues of battery life (person wearing for weeks not realizing its dead), lots of false alarms, apps too difficult for a senior to use (can't turn off a false alarm), etc. They all seemed way too much trouble.
Dunno....she isn't slowing down anytime soon. Went on a mission trip to Haiti with her church last year. She's out beating the streets with her church for homeless outreach ministry. So overall, she is in great shape. We're not sure about the balance thing...started with EENT, then neurologist. Lots of tests, but haven't figured out why she gets some balance issues. Comes & goes & none have led to a fall. And she's in good enough shape that a fall in say the living room or kitchen - assuming she didn't hit her head on something - but just general fall - she'd just get up & keep going. Don't think that would hurt her. She isn't frail. Stairs, shower, or just something that puts her in middle of floor away from phone....still a lot of potential to be bad.
Sis & I just went thru it with dad - who didn't live alone. Non-compliant diabetic but he had a bathtub fall. Didn't say anything of course, just hobbled around in pain until unbearable. Anyway, that led to a series of events...fractured vertebrae, which let in some bacteria he had from dental work he put off forever then didn't have fixed right, and on & on. It was really just one thing after another until he passed last summer, but it all started with that fall. Lots of underlying issues and poor health overall, but still the fall set it all in motion and we're sure if not for that he'd still be with us. Gram same way....figured out how to disable her bed alarm (so she wouldn't' disturb mom getting up in middle of night). Unknown to anyone, for a few weeks she had been getting up in middle of night to go get a cookie. She could walk a little unassisted, but was not supposed to walk without walker and someone right there. Anyway, sure enough she fell & broke a hip. That set off the series of one thing then another and in short time she passed. She died for a cookie - which would have just been placed on her nightstand had she asked - she was allowed to have a few cookies.
So those 2 incidents of a fall - neither all that much of one - started the chain leading to death of people very close to me & sis. So of course, we're both terrified mom's gonna fall...... Now that the balance issue has come up, the fear is real. Mom will remain independent until something happens....which is her choice, her mind is 100%. But by then might be too late.......
But rebuilding basement stairs or attic stairs or other major modifications...not putting $ into being a rental. She was just gonna buy it, but I think we have talked out of that since the stairs... It's an old house. Has a full finished basement but originally it was a walk out basement with no access to first floor. You'd have to walk outside and around the house to get out of the basement and into the main living floor of the house the way it was back in the 50's. So at some point, those steps were added, but not enough room for them....so they are crazy steep. And at the bottom, no landing. The last step (first step as you're going up) is literally butted against a cinder block wall. Yeah....fall down those steps and you're going into a wall! Maybe a spiral staircase would work there, but just no way to even to a landing & 90 deg turn halfway. You'd have to see it - I can't describe it well. She couldn't either and I couldn't understand until I saw it in person since I couldn't imagine stairs being built that way. The added bonus is there is nowhere on main floor to relocate washer & dryer. The ONLY place they'd physically fit is in 2nd bedroom or living room. But she absolutely loves that little house so getting her to pack up & head for a 1 story only isn't going to happen. I suspect she will stay there until she can't stay anywhere, then move in with us or my sis or assisted living. SO the stairs scare me & sis - we view them as inevitable hospital stay. Mom, not in the least.....
Carrying cell 100% is doable. She has no land line, just the cell, so the emergency call button type deals that go thru home phone line are out. Looked into some of the ones that work off a phone app - wear a bracelet or pendant and the call button will text or call up to 5 different #s. But every one of those had issues of battery life (person wearing for weeks not realizing its dead), lots of false alarms, apps too difficult for a senior to use (can't turn off a false alarm), etc. They all seemed way too much trouble.
Dunno....she isn't slowing down anytime soon. Went on a mission trip to Haiti with her church last year. She's out beating the streets with her church for homeless outreach ministry. So overall, she is in great shape. We're not sure about the balance thing...started with EENT, then neurologist. Lots of tests, but haven't figured out why she gets some balance issues. Comes & goes & none have led to a fall. And she's in good enough shape that a fall in say the living room or kitchen - assuming she didn't hit her head on something - but just general fall - she'd just get up & keep going. Don't think that would hurt her. She isn't frail. Stairs, shower, or just something that puts her in middle of floor away from phone....still a lot of potential to be bad.
Sis & I just went thru it with dad - who didn't live alone. Non-compliant diabetic but he had a bathtub fall. Didn't say anything of course, just hobbled around in pain until unbearable. Anyway, that led to a series of events...fractured vertebrae, which let in some bacteria he had from dental work he put off forever then didn't have fixed right, and on & on. It was really just one thing after another until he passed last summer, but it all started with that fall. Lots of underlying issues and poor health overall, but still the fall set it all in motion and we're sure if not for that he'd still be with us. Gram same way....figured out how to disable her bed alarm (so she wouldn't' disturb mom getting up in middle of night). Unknown to anyone, for a few weeks she had been getting up in middle of night to go get a cookie. She could walk a little unassisted, but was not supposed to walk without walker and someone right there. Anyway, sure enough she fell & broke a hip. That set off the series of one thing then another and in short time she passed. She died for a cookie - which would have just been placed on her nightstand had she asked - she was allowed to have a few cookies.
So those 2 incidents of a fall - neither all that much of one - started the chain leading to death of people very close to me & sis. So of course, we're both terrified mom's gonna fall...... Now that the balance issue has come up, the fear is real. Mom will remain independent until something happens....which is her choice, her mind is 100%. But by then might be too late.......
OP
CMV
Platinum Member
Life alert sounds good....I like the real live human directing help. We just won't get her to go for it.
(1) will be the $30-$40 (or however much) per month. Any of the 3 of us can afford that & wouldn't miss it. But since she would REFUSE to let us pay and view it as an unnecessary expense for herself, that would be hurdle #1. Mom isn't wealthy, but has plenty of $ to be comfortable and do the things she wants. But she is crazy frugal. Wash out & reuse ziplock bags frugal. Every dime she saves is another dime she can fund rescuing animals from shelters, feeding the homeless, sending food & medical supplies to kids in Africa, etc. She would 100% view that $30 as six meals she couldn't feed the homeless that month. Her entire life has been that way - putting others first.
(2) She absolutely would not wear it since "she doesn't need it". So even it was free (or we figured out how to pay for it & she thought it was free), until she has a bad incident, it would be on her nightstand or somewhere doing 0 good when the day comes she does need it. I think if she had to describe herself she would say "a 30 y/o trapped in a 55 y/o body"
Something like the life alert pendant but worked like a fixed call button would be great. If you could have that and install several fixed call buttons that would do same thing as the pendant you wear, that would work well. Just place strategically like bathroom but can be reached from inside tub, bottom of stairs, then central location but low in the 3 rooms she frequents most.
I'm 6hrs away so can't really check in on her. Sis works a nurse's schedule, so her off days she usually stops by, but days she works she goes 3 days without going to mom's. Can't rely on not answering the phone as an indication of trouble....she does same thing I do - silence it Sunday morning before church starts, then remember you did that sometime around Weds
(1) will be the $30-$40 (or however much) per month. Any of the 3 of us can afford that & wouldn't miss it. But since she would REFUSE to let us pay and view it as an unnecessary expense for herself, that would be hurdle #1. Mom isn't wealthy, but has plenty of $ to be comfortable and do the things she wants. But she is crazy frugal. Wash out & reuse ziplock bags frugal. Every dime she saves is another dime she can fund rescuing animals from shelters, feeding the homeless, sending food & medical supplies to kids in Africa, etc. She would 100% view that $30 as six meals she couldn't feed the homeless that month. Her entire life has been that way - putting others first.
(2) She absolutely would not wear it since "she doesn't need it". So even it was free (or we figured out how to pay for it & she thought it was free), until she has a bad incident, it would be on her nightstand or somewhere doing 0 good when the day comes she does need it. I think if she had to describe herself she would say "a 30 y/o trapped in a 55 y/o body"
Something like the life alert pendant but worked like a fixed call button would be great. If you could have that and install several fixed call buttons that would do same thing as the pendant you wear, that would work well. Just place strategically like bathroom but can be reached from inside tub, bottom of stairs, then central location but low in the 3 rooms she frequents most.
I'm 6hrs away so can't really check in on her. Sis works a nurse's schedule, so her off days she usually stops by, but days she works she goes 3 days without going to mom's. Can't rely on not answering the phone as an indication of trouble....she does same thing I do - silence it Sunday morning before church starts, then remember you did that sometime around Weds
Aquamoose
Platinum Member
I wouldn’t take stock of those pendants because it would be useless for lifeless or stubborn folks. A better option would be to get anything with fall detection built in where someone would call to check.
Best Fall Detection Sensors of 2 19 - These are the five best fall detection sensors.
Best Fall Detection Sensors of 2 19 - These are the five best fall detection sensors.
Sigarms
Super Member
If you want your mother to carry it outside the home while driving, the thread below has some relevance.
https://www.tractorbynet.com/forums...perience-life-alert.html?highlight=life+alert
That said, my father had the unit for two years, and in those two years, we both really weren't happy with it. The company never followed up with me like they said they would per notifications and for whatever reasons, and being that it was a AT&T cell carrier, the one place where it had the most spotty signal was at my dads house. The final straw was when my dad lost the pocket transmitter, and the company (Alert 1) was going to bill me another $500 for a new unit. We went back and forth on that bill and it wasn't until I wrote an online view of it, and literally within an hour, they called me and told me that if I was less harsh in my review, they would give me a full refund (after talking with three different customer service reps and a supervisor to get my money back and still STAY on the service, they still told me to pound sand which I really didn't appreciate). I also found it funny that they called me like an hour after the review was posted. My dad had a long talk with me and I gave him credit for using one for 2 years, but wasn't going to push it after that, so he never got a newer one, even from a different company.
Last year at 86, dad fractured his back trying to lift his lawn mower up with a 2x6 trying to change a tire. I ended up driving up to Pa as he needed minor surgery, and he's been living with us ever since. Luckily he wasn't incapacitate out in the detached garage about 100' away from the house, and he didn't even know it was facturerd until his 2nd doctors visit and they did x-rays.
I can tell you from experience, at least with my father, we've been going to the VA here in NC for the last 4 months, and our next visit with the doctor I'm going to get a referal to a good neuro surgeon to look at his back (same one who did mine). My dad was VERY active up until he hurt his back (golfing 18 holes 2-3 time week, fishing...), and it may just be old age, but your body takes a "hit" like that and I can't believe how much my dad has slowed down. I talked to a friend in NC and he told me the same thing (when I told him I'd be gone a couple weeks to go up for my dad) happened to his dad (fractured back) when he was in his late 70's, and he died a half year later never seeming to recoup from the injury. Wasn't trying to scare me, just to ensure I really look out for him after that. At this point, I'm not certain what is due to old age and what is due to still another possible issue (I'm amazed that the VA hasn't requested the MRI nor are they asking for one). The physical therapist was even befuddled by the pain my dad still gets sometimes.
Point above is even though you're planning for a medical emergency, have a plan in place AFTER the medical emergency so if she does slow down, you and your siblings know where she's going to stay and who can look after her just in case. I never thought my father would agree to live with us, but after having a friend check in on him after his back problem and he found him crying on the sofa in pain, my dad at least came to realization that he's at a point in his life where he may need help from time to time. We bought the house in 2004 as a single couple with a fully furnished basement just so my dad could move in (mom had passed in 2002). Took him 14 years to decide it was time and as of last year, never thought I'd see it LOL
He had finally decided to sell the house next spring and he'll be with us now till his end. For that, I'm grateful.
Whatever you decide, good luck with your choice.
In the grand scheme of things in life, I can't think of anything else as important than raising kids who actually care about you as an adult. Right now, my one 14 year boy would really like to move out of the house and get as far away from me as possible LOL
https://www.tractorbynet.com/forums...perience-life-alert.html?highlight=life+alert
That said, my father had the unit for two years, and in those two years, we both really weren't happy with it. The company never followed up with me like they said they would per notifications and for whatever reasons, and being that it was a AT&T cell carrier, the one place where it had the most spotty signal was at my dads house. The final straw was when my dad lost the pocket transmitter, and the company (Alert 1) was going to bill me another $500 for a new unit. We went back and forth on that bill and it wasn't until I wrote an online view of it, and literally within an hour, they called me and told me that if I was less harsh in my review, they would give me a full refund (after talking with three different customer service reps and a supervisor to get my money back and still STAY on the service, they still told me to pound sand which I really didn't appreciate). I also found it funny that they called me like an hour after the review was posted. My dad had a long talk with me and I gave him credit for using one for 2 years, but wasn't going to push it after that, so he never got a newer one, even from a different company.
Last year at 86, dad fractured his back trying to lift his lawn mower up with a 2x6 trying to change a tire. I ended up driving up to Pa as he needed minor surgery, and he's been living with us ever since. Luckily he wasn't incapacitate out in the detached garage about 100' away from the house, and he didn't even know it was facturerd until his 2nd doctors visit and they did x-rays.
I can tell you from experience, at least with my father, we've been going to the VA here in NC for the last 4 months, and our next visit with the doctor I'm going to get a referal to a good neuro surgeon to look at his back (same one who did mine). My dad was VERY active up until he hurt his back (golfing 18 holes 2-3 time week, fishing...), and it may just be old age, but your body takes a "hit" like that and I can't believe how much my dad has slowed down. I talked to a friend in NC and he told me the same thing (when I told him I'd be gone a couple weeks to go up for my dad) happened to his dad (fractured back) when he was in his late 70's, and he died a half year later never seeming to recoup from the injury. Wasn't trying to scare me, just to ensure I really look out for him after that. At this point, I'm not certain what is due to old age and what is due to still another possible issue (I'm amazed that the VA hasn't requested the MRI nor are they asking for one). The physical therapist was even befuddled by the pain my dad still gets sometimes.
Point above is even though you're planning for a medical emergency, have a plan in place AFTER the medical emergency so if she does slow down, you and your siblings know where she's going to stay and who can look after her just in case. I never thought my father would agree to live with us, but after having a friend check in on him after his back problem and he found him crying on the sofa in pain, my dad at least came to realization that he's at a point in his life where he may need help from time to time. We bought the house in 2004 as a single couple with a fully furnished basement just so my dad could move in (mom had passed in 2002). Took him 14 years to decide it was time and as of last year, never thought I'd see it LOL
He had finally decided to sell the house next spring and he'll be with us now till his end. For that, I'm grateful.
Whatever you decide, good luck with your choice.
In the grand scheme of things in life, I can't think of anything else as important than raising kids who actually care about you as an adult. Right now, my one 14 year boy would really like to move out of the house and get as far away from me as possible LOL
Last edited: