Helping a parent to deal with losing their driving priveleges

[bumperm]

When that day comes when my kids come to take away my car keys, I'm hiding them. I will, however, consider handing over the keys for a brand new tractor!

bumper

 

[jaotguy]

they can take my keys right now ( but I can still lap my kids on any course ... car or bike ) ...

3 million behind the wheel and I'm tired of it :thumbdown:....

but tractors and toys are a different thing! ....:thumbsup:

I was all set and retired , but 2 of the companies I worked for (years ago) went into receivership and they didn't make the pension payments they deducted ... the pension plans say I have to go after the companies ( long gone ) for compensation ... another investment in a building went bust when they over leveraged the unit and the loan was called in ... so, between them , kiss off $1000.00 of extra income each month.

may have to UN-retire ( at least part time ) for awhile ....

 

[300UGUY]

My neighbor had a hard time letting go. He had several minor accidents, including a incident where he totaled his car, and had to be medevaced to the er, he spent 3 days in the hospital. What really frosted me was that he was not issued a ticket! After, he bought another old car and went back to driving. He tore off the passenger's side mirror and ripped up that side of the car within a week. He refused to stop driving, until he just could not get in or out of the car by himself. I tried talking to him, he thought because he had no tickets, his driving was fine. His doctor refused to get involved, and the sheriff's deputies refused also. His daughter ( who lives in another state ) tried also. We go zero help. The police do not want to get involved, the doctors won't, it really seems that folks can drive until they kill somebody or themselves.

 

[Jstpssng]

I haven't talked to him yet, but the day after I started this thread my 80 YO father had an eye exam which may have led to him losing his license. Getting around isn't an issue, my mother can drive and already goes everywhere with him because of his worsening Alzeimers. But it's going to be tough on him... driving all of his life with just one accident (not at fault... hit by a drunk driver when he was in high school.)

I remember years ago an elderly neighbor saying "I gave up my independence today, I stopped driving."

 

[WM75Guy]

Taking away someone's independence or rights is difficult. Now that I am in nursing it is something I deal with on a frequent basis dealing with geriatric patients. And as was said, none of us are getting any younger, so my day is coming. You have to look at physical impairment, such as eyesight or dexterity, as well as mental impairment. The mental impairment, such as dementia, happens slowly and is not as noticeable. They can pass the point where they shouldn't be driving between visits from the family. Short phone calls don't work to evaluate competency.

Before I retired from the FD in the suburbs of Fort Worth we helped look for an elderly female that did not return home from her weekly shopping and hair appointment during the summer. She was found dead in her car 150 miles away in Oklahoma on a rural road off I35, vehicle out of gas, windows up, and the ignition still on. On investigation PD found her usual route was detoured by an accident and she ended up on the freeway. It appeared she drove lost until she ran out of gas, unable to find her way home. Now a days things like GPS tracking of cellphones and OnStar can help but are not foolproof.

Here is one where a grandfather with memory problems got lost on a short drive to the park and the mall to go shopping with his two grandkids. He drove them 860 miles across the country before asking a police officer for directions home. It had a happy ending.

Missing Carrollton man and grandkids found in Wisconsin

 

[mark02tj]

a lot of the hectic stuff can be avoided ( dr appts, etc )

set aside one day of the week for those chores/tests/etc .... let the offices know that mom/dad has transportation on "Wednesdays only" and can they book the appointment for that day ... most can accommodate the requests. ... same for shopping , movies , etc .... make it a day out with them and take time to do the stuff they want to do , places they want to see ...

fewer surprises ... more control over your life ( and theirs)

This is a GREAT IDEA!! I am going to implement it for taking care of my folks. The week before last I had appointments for them on three different days. Then my dad wanted me to take him on a big errand on that Friday. It takes a minimum of 4 hours out of my day for each errand/appointment. Fortunately I have a pretty flexible, work-at-home job, but I get paid by the hour so it takes a big hunk out of my paycheck.