Hospice

[RSKY]

My youngest daughter, her husband, and her mother-in-law have just gone thru ten days of complete ****. Her father-in-law had a fast acting cancer that spread all over his body in a very short time.

He wanted nothing more than to die with dignity. BUT, as most people will do when they don't realize how fast the disease can work, they put off the inevitable too long and when needed they could not get him into a Hospice. So he had to go home. The last week was awful, indescribable, and my daughter aged five years in five days. I dread seeing what the week has done to my son in law and his mother.

This man was a quiet, kind, soul who accepted his son's wife into his heart and loved her and his grandchildren greatly. He hung on suffering for days until my daughter recorded the grandchildren's laughing voices saying, "Hi" to him and the five year old talking to him with the not quite two year old saying "Papaw" over and over again. Then he turned slightly and gave it up.

The purpose of this post is to tell you that if you have somebody nearing the end stages of their life to please do all you can to put them in a Hospice Center where they can be taken care of by trained professionals. If you have a condition that is terminal please do not tell your loved ones that you wish to die at home. That puts all the duties of taking care of you in your final days on your family. What his wife, son, and daughter in law had to do this past week was beyond what a grieving family should have to do. My daughter was put in the position of having to tell family members, well-wishers, and 'sight-seers' that they could not come in the house. Sometimes forcefully. Of having to tell people that did come in to leave. Of calling the Hospice nurses and a friend who was one to find out what to do as his body deteriorated.

I am in good health now but I have made it clear to my wife and both my children that if the situation arises I do not want to put them in the position of caretakers in my final days.

No discussion is needed on this topic, please just read and heed.

RSKY

 

[RNeumann]

Hospice has great in home care as well. They can typically do up to a year but that can be extended.

Hospice is one of the best. Not only for the pt but for family and friends too.

 

[Kessler Farms]

My condolences. I would like to add, though, Hospice will do final days in home care. I have dealt with them twice with in home care.

 

[beemerphile]

Some discussion may be in order. There is a place for both residential and home hospice depending on the patient's disease and condition and also on the availability and skill of family members who can assist. Also, just as there are people who wish to die at home, there are sometimes also family members with the same desire. When all of that matches up, then home hospice can be a viable choice.

My wife was a certified hospice RN for many years and has seen both work well in particular cases. Some times the wrong choice is made and the family or patient regrets it or suffers for it. The WORST thing that can happen is if hospice is avoided because it is seen as an admission that the condition is terminal when the family or patient still thinks that recovery is possible. Then the patient suffers as the doctors and home health providers continue to strive unsuccessfully to "get them well". Palliative care is much different than therapeutic care, and is what hospice is able to help provide - the most comfort possible for the patient. Whether it is best provided in a home or residential setting needs to be established individually in each case.

We are doing home care right now for my 92 year old mother. With my wife's skills and two siblings to spread the load, we have ample resources to get it done. My mom and our family would not have it any other way.

 

[RSKY]

Home hospice was there. They did a remarkable job. But they couldn't be there 24/7. The cleaning up and disposing of what his body was putting out was left to the family when the nurses had to leave. And it was constant. They were using two or three packages of gloves a day.

DON'T put your family thru this.

I believe he knew how sick he was but tried to hide it.

I have lost three friends in the past nine days.

RSKY

 

[ovrszd]

I am sorry for your loss.

I don't know of a Hospice Care Center in my area.

My County Health Department Hospice Care givers are a Blessing.

 

[Slowpoke Slim]

I'm just going to do what the Eskimo's do. Take a long walk across the ice.

Sorry for your loss.

 

[NorTracNY]

Sorry to hear of your loss. My family went through similar recently. As mentioned by others, there are options for in-home care. My family used hospice (which would stop by periodically) and other independent nurses with one being in charge of scheduling and communication. I agree that the end can be VERY difficult and it often is best to have those with experience be there. Hospice is a wonderful service, but they are not always able to be there. Around here Hospice will only have people under their care for 6months. There was one person that was in Hospice for 6months, then sent home. The family had to handle the care for the next 6months before Hospice let her in again.

 

[WVBill]

I will strongly second RSKYs message.
We went through this with my father in law last year. Add to the situation some family members in denial and wanting to keep him at home v.s. in care Hospice. It practically tore the family apart. We decided we didn't want the controversy to be among our family's last memories of us.

Think through what BEEMERPHILE wrote in Post #4
Make your end of life care plan NOW. Write it down. Discuss it with your family.

Find out about your nearest Hospice facilities. Most rely on volunteers and donations. Become a supporter.

 

[ultrarunner]

Situations show both the worst and best in people...

Hospice concentrates on making the patient "Comfortable" as possible in the final days... which is often very different than conventional medicine.

My Grandfather had terminal cancer and Mom being an RN was allowed to medicate at home... her in-laws were forever grateful...

Every situation is different...

Losing 3 close to you is always hard... losing them in 9 days is devastating beyond words...

Prayers to you and your family for the strength to endure...