How do you say no?

Unclebuck257 · Sep 19, 2005

pennwalk,

I'm originally from up your area, about 30 years ago now, but most of the younger folks living in the Lancaster area now are very suit concious. The suggestion of being very careful regarding any damage/injury and having insurance is a wise suggestion. You know what I mean. My brother and mother still live around you so I know that what I'm saying is true.

The wife and I live on some acerage out in the country, and share a private road with one other, younger, couple. We lived here for several years before they purchased their property, at the end of the private road, and put their home up. At first, they did not have a tractor so last year, I mowed the grass on both sides of the private road all year, as I always had done. Late last year the husband came to me and said that he had bought a tractor himself and because I had done all the mowing for their first year here, that he would do all the mowing this year, and I shouldn't worry about it at all. Of course, I told him that wasn't necessary, but he insisted and with the exception of one time I just wanted to do it, he has mowed both sides of that road all year.

That was an example to me of the best senario with new neighbors. My only concern for you is that they will EXPECT you to do it all the time. I guess I've always found it's best to get something like this straightened out from the very beginning. At the least, they need to be helping you with fuel expenses etc. Otherwise, let them go pay someone else to do it and find out just how big a help you're really being to them.

BigEddy · Sep 20, 2005

You need to decide if you want to take on clearing their drive as a job or not. If you do - you're now responsible, and it will be expected - you should expect compensation as well. You are working for hire, you have liability expectations, as well as performance expectations - it's a job. They'll complain if it isn't done - on time, to their satisfaction, etc.

If you don't need another job, or don't want another job, you can still do it for fun. You do it when you want, how you want, if you want. If you feel like moving snow, go out and work at it until the feeling goes away. If your drive is done and so is theirs, perfect - they lucked out. If theirs isn't done, no skin off your back either. And if you don't feel like moving snow, but you have to - go out and move as little as you can - enough to get out and back - and no more - and leave them to take care of their own.

Me - I'd tell them straight up what I plan to do. "If it's a nice Saturday morning, and I'm out playing around on the tractor, hey - I'll clear you out too while I'm at it. No obligations, no expectations". But at the same time I'd make it clear that it's my choice - "Now, if it's 30 below and howling a gale, I'll be putting my feet up in front of the fire and reading a book, the snow can wait till another time - so if you need to get out, you better have a way to get yourself through" - That way everyone is clear and you're not "expected" to keep them open. And I'd likely make the point one of the first snowfalls, by rushing off right after clearing a path and leaving them "snowed in", just so they get the message.

I don't mind doing favours for others, but it's not a favour if it's expected.

rox · Sep 24, 2005

My 2 cents, or actually centimes. If people buy a house they need to have responsibility for getting themselves into on off of their property. When we lived in Wisconsin I can't tell ou how much snow we hand shoveld before my parents bought us a snow blower for Christmas. I mean blizards of snow, course we were in our 20's so we had the energy to do it. We would literally shovel until 2am. It is jsut part and parcel of home ownership.

People should only look for "help" from their neighbors when they really need "help" not for normal maintence. They know there is going to be snow, they bought the house knowing about the private road and the snow in the area, they need to be self sufficient. Now if their snowblower breaks down, hey now they really do need "help" afer a few hours of hand shoveling, that is something different. I go along with everybody else, and vote for just do it if and when you feel like it and I for sure wouldn't help them until they had cleared it themselves at least 3 times.

We always helped our neighbors, if they were on vacation we cut their grass and vice versa. However normal week-in week out homeowner maintence is their responsibility and you should not feel guilty about not doing it any more. Agree with the no money part, that will just be a problem. Just plow yours up to your driveway and let them stuggle a bit, and figure it out, it is their problem, it is not your house ,it is their hosue. What you did before is completely irrelevent. I am a very nice neighbor, however I see value in everybody pitching in together or each taking care of their own. Seems to me that they have 4 hands (him and hers) and a couple shovels and they can be the masters of their own kingdom.

pennwalk · Dec 10, 2005

Update on the neighbor thing. We had our first snow here Friday. Six inches of powder. Easy to clear . A great winter warm-up. I had just about finished clearing my driveway and the shared road when my neighbor lady stopped by to ask if is was for hire. Where do women learn that helpless look. How many of you guys have done stuff you didn't want to because of that look. Anyway I pulled it together and told her no. So where do they learn that other look. You know hurt disapointment. So I knocked out her driveway but I am not doing it next time... er probably. I feel like a sucker one part of me wants that smiling reward and the other part of me knows I could get into trouble so deep I might never dig out.

Chris

Robert_in_NY · Dec 10, 2005

Well, you could just tell her to hire a plow service as you do not enjoy freezing just for the sake of freezing. Or if you are not married...

Next time just plow your drive out at 5am and have your tractor parked and put away before she wakes up. Good luck to you as I know that look as does every guy. /forums/images/graemlins/smirk.gif

Bird · Dec 10, 2005

</font><font color="blue" class="small">( Where do women learn that helpless look. How many of you guys have done stuff you didn't want to because of that look. )</font>

Do you think there's a man who hasn't? /forums/images/graemlins/wink.gif /forums/images/graemlins/laugh.gif

cp1969 · Dec 10, 2005

We had our first snow Wednesday night. 10-12" of the wonderful(?) stuff coupled with +7F temperature.

I ended up doing five other neighbors' drives (for free). I hate to see people shoveling. By the time I got done, I was too cold to finish my own.

Theowegian · Dec 10, 2005

I must say, you do have my sympathies. It really is no fun to be taken advantage of, especially, in these types of situations.

A couple thoughts.

I agree with others, that bringing up the money issue is probably not a real good idea.

Im wondering if you could suggest that they mow the sides of the lane in the summer and you could maybe plow the lane of snow in the winter? Guess who's job is bigger? I bet the mowing is a bigger job.....

just a thought.

dwight

beenthere · Dec 11, 2005

You've gotta decide what it is you want to do, and get the backbone to do it. I don't mean that unkindly, and I re-read my original comment, and still think it's the way to handle your situation.
I almost have a similar situation with a 'new' neighbor, and sometimes would plow their drive out, and sometimes not. Once out at a good restaurant, the waiter came by after the meal and said 'yours is paid for'. Dumbfounded, she points to the neighbor across the room, and it was for plowing their drive. Since then, they have managed to plow it with equipment they bought (ATV with plow /forums/images/graemlins/wink.gif ) but if my 7' plow has the time, I will still swing in and do it in about 3 minutes, max.