How to spend your legacy?

[ovrszd]

My father in-law was the epitome of health... until he got dementia. But he was 90 when he got it for crying out loud. Something is gonna kill a 90 year old man. No way around it. He was so healthy, that when they tried to do a stress test on him, they couldn't raise his pulse high enough on the treadmill to make the determination. So they had to do the chemical stress test. Crazy.

Then there was a VP at my wife's employer. He was also the epitome of health. He played sports all his life. Thin. Active. Smart. He was on the fast-pitch softball team. Maybe late 50s. Good looking guy. All the ladies liked him. Happily married. Started forgetting how to play softball. Had to step down from his job. Died of dementia two years later.

While I'm sure excess sugar ain't good for you (yet I keep eating cookies), I think dementia is a complicated issue. I'd not wish it on anyone, that's for sure. Or their loved ones.

I think we all are Genetically designed at conception. I think there are things parents can do when raising their children that can affect how those genetics are utilized. I think there are things we can do as adults that can affect how those genetics are utilized. I think with the best of intentions and habits at a point the Genetic map that was drawn in that instant of conception takes over. As the old saying goes: It's your lot in life.

 

[2manyrocks]

Dementia can also be caused by a stroke impairing blood flow to the brain.

 

[Hay Dude]

Good plan.

I absolutely DO NOT believe in Euthanasia without prior consent and consideration of the receiving participant.

In futuristic times I think it will be common. Without consent.

It was already done, in mass, in 2020 in PA, NJ & NY.

 

[2manyrocks]

1918 not so much different, either.

Digital dementia from too much screen time is also a thing.

 

[RSKY]

Back to the Legacy question and old age.

As mom was getting older and the cancer was progressing sisters and I attended a seminar on "elder law" at a local hospital. It was put on by a lawyer from the one and only Kentucky law firm that specializes in legal matters for the elderly. Talk about eye opening! Many of the things that we "knew" or others attending had been told by local lawyers were simply false. All states are different and I'm not sure I remember very many of the details from three years ago but there were some things the lady went over again and again.

This is from memory so I hope I am correct.

1. Have a will. She said they had seen close families torn apart by the lack of a will. (I see this happening close by me today.)

2. Have a Living Will/DNR. Do not force your loved ones to make like or death decisions at a difficult emotional time. This can also prevent a permanent family conflict.

3. Have a Power of Attorney. Make sure you have somebody that can take care of your affairs if you are incapacitated. Father in law and mother both had all their children put on their bank accounts and safe deposit boxes before they got sick. This allowed us to handle their business when they were unable.

4. Have a Health Power of Attorney. I believe that is what it is called. If incapacitated this allows your children to make health decisions on your behalf instead of depending on the doctors.

5. Have copies of 2, 3, and 4 in your vehicles so you will have them with you at all times. Getting a call in the middle of the night and driving four hours to a hospital and not having the proper paperwork would be worse than frustrating. (Adding something in an edit. If you are the one with POA to make decisions YOU need to have copies in your vehicle.)

Things may be different in your state and laws may have changed in my state so contact an attorney and do not depend on what I post here.

RSKY

 

[2manyrocks]

Will, living will directive, general power of attorney for business, and a healthcare power of attorney are pretty much the basic standard documents in Tennessee as well.

I will say this about the living will directive in particular. Some are very specific in saying what extraordinary healthcare measures are expected and when to throw in the towel. If you choose your options in advance, it takes this much burden off the person making decisions later when you can't make them for yourself.

 

[two_bit_score]

Yep. That needs to be addressed in the legislation. We seem to be able to legislate 3rd trimester abortion.

I don’t agree that there is moral equivalence in justifying abortion with assisted suicide or vice versa.

To me they are both morally reprehensible. I support life from conception to natural death. It‘s understandable why others don’t see it the same way. This discussion took a healthy turn to air some concerns about dementia and its effects on family. Going into a full blown Abortion vs Euthanasia discussion is way beyond TBN political guidelines. I hope we can keep this discussion healthy.

 

[ovrszd]

Several years ago I heard of a local man who had a slow acting but painful, non-treatable cancer. He had got to the point that he was going to have to stop driving due to vision problems. The only driving he did was a couple miles to church and a small Dollar General type country store with a lunch counter. Never getting over 25-mph. He had cataract surgery and loudly told everybody how much better he could see and that he could now drive anywhere he wanted to. He was in constant pain and getting worse. About two weeks after the eye surgery he missed a corner and wrapped his truck around a huge oak tree, head-on, estimated to be doing 70-mph when he hit. Insurance pays double for accidental death and he had a bunch of children.

RSKY

Saw something similar a couple decades ago.

 

[IndyJay]

I don’t agree that there is moral equivalence in justifying abortion with assisted suicide or vice versa.

To me they are both morally reprehensible. I support life from conception to natural death. It‘s understandable why others don’t see it the same way. This discussion took a healthy turn to air some concerns about dementia and its effects on family. Going into a full blown Abortion vs Euthanasia discussion is way beyond TBN political guidelines. I hope we can keep this discussion healthy.

I am sorry, but while I agree with your admonition to keep the conversation on topic I vehemently disagree with the idea that when someone doesn't like the direction that a conversation is going that they should threaten to get the thread shut down. We are adults. We should be able to self moderate by asking people to get back to topic, but if that doesn't work then we should be mature enough to simply move on to another thread. Sick and tired of seeing so many closed threads here.

 

[two_bit_score]

Several years ago I heard of a local man who had a slow acting but painful, non-treatable cancer. He had got to the point that he was going to have to stop driving due to vision problems. The only driving he did was a couple miles to church and a small Dollar General type country store with a lunch counter. Never getting over 25-mph. He had cataract surgery and loudly told everybody how much better he could see and that he could now drive anywhere he wanted to. He was in constant pain and getting worse. About two weeks after the eye surgery he missed a corner and wrapped his truck around a huge oak tree, head-on, estimated to be doing 70-mph when he hit. Insurance pays double for accidental death and he had a bunch of children.

RSKY

I suspect that happens more often than we know about. The sad thing is when others wind up being unwittingly involved.