How to spend your legacy?

[MossRoad]

My dad had same, but he knew he had both. When they shut his off, I freaked out and attacked the guy that did it. He left. He returned after I was calmed down. It was a bad scene and I regret it. Just didn’t want to see my dear ol dad go.

Sorry to hear that. Those are some of the toughest times of our lives. I had to shut off my mom, and make sure my dad was loaded up with morphine so he wouldn't feel anything. I've always been of the mind that it's part of life, and I'm helping them along.

Father in-law was already dead, his body just wouldn't quit. We were sad, yet we were happy that he wasn't suffering any more. I know when he was coherent and knew his memory was failing we had some talks about it. He was fortunate to have his wife and she was able to take care of him very well. There were about 10 of us in the room when we put the magnet on his chest. Then we stood around and told dad stories to each other for a couple hours until he passed. And everyone in that room got COVID except my father in-law! But that's a story for a different website.

 

[MAX-24-Dean]

Oh we definitely don’t, but you have to understand, when she moved in with us, she could drive, walk, buy things on line and use the bathroom. The decline happened in front of us and once we were committed, my wife wasn’t going to give up on her.

I’m telling you this dementia disease sucks for the person who has it, but sucks much worse for the caregiver.
It’s a life changer for us and although some people give us the pat on the back or the “atta guy”, it gives us little relief. My wife loves her mom and the mom isn’t wanted by anyone else because it’s too much work. The mom as we knew her is no longer there or recognizable.

I will agree that life can temporarily suck for the care giver. Been through the emotions of helping one relative with dementia and terminal cancer. It still sticks in my mind the screaming for more morphine when the pain was obviously very high. It cuts right to the core. Then the yelling for momma, momma help me momma. Momma had passed 25 years earlier. There is nothing funny about this at all, it sucked for sure. Very emotional time. Spent a lot of tears.
Love is honoring your father and mother and your inlaws too.

@Hay Dude, thank you for posting this.

 

[RSKY]

I suspect that happens more often than we know about. The sad thing is when others wind up being unwittingly involved.

Many years ago I read about a University in Germany that had an agreement with several state/regional governments, or whatever they have there, and the German auto industry. When there was a fatal accident they were called and did their own investigation separate from the authorities. By law their findings could not be used in court. The program was strictly to improve auto safety. They published the results of their investigations ever so often and what I remember was they concluded that at least half of all single person fatal accidents happening at night were suicides.

I wonder if the program is still active. The article was 30-40 years ago but has stuck in my mind.

I also remember the report saying that you could find the vehicles the investigators drove in a parking lot because they always had the headrests up as high as they could go.

RSKY

 

[RSKY]

I personally despise abortion but if a person makes that decision in the first trimester I consider it a fair compromise. End of life matters are a little different. If a person is in final stages of a terminal disease (well beyond where my brother was) they should have options. I often wonder if Hospice sometimes helps things along since so many I've lost seemed to go very fast after entering Hospice. Not saying they are, just that I have wondered.

Just my thoughts.

With my mother I was the one who gave her the medicine. She was at home and the Hospice nurses were very good with her. But I was the one when it came time to give her the medicine. We had been told on Monday that there was no way she could make it to the weekend. And she was starting to suffer. On Monday we got her into her recliner but after a couple hours she could not sit up straight and stopped responding to us. I had to call my nephew to help me get her up and into bed. Neither sister was able to help and one of them is very fit and strong for a seventy+ year old female. That night she quit responding to us in any way. The nurse came and instructed me on how much morphine and breathing medicine to give her, the times to give it, and how to give it. I used a hypodermic without a needle to squirt it into her mouth just like you would do a young child. Tuesday she did not respond to us in any way. Wednesday morning it was obvious that she was in great pain and struggling to breathe. I called the Hospice nurse and she had me double the doses of medicine. She lasted maybe ten minutes after I put the morphine in her mouth. I asked the nurse about it when she came if that had finished her and she said it would take longer for the medicine to absorb into her system unless injected directly into the blood.

RSKY

 

[goeduck]

End of life matters are a little different. If a person is in final stages of a terminal disease (well beyond where my brother was) they should have options. I often wonder if Hospice sometimes helps things along since so many I've lost seemed to go very fast after entering Hospice. Not saying they are, just that I have wondered.

I don't know why they would need to, end of life in a hospice is usually less than 2 weeks (assuming they are not eating).

 

[IndyJay]

I don't know why they would need to, end of life in a hospice is usually less than 2 weeks (assuming they are not eating).

That is pretty much what I said... but even quicker in my experience. Days, not weeks.

 

[Hay Dude]

Never understood the state my dad slipped into in his last few days. Almost a coma-like sleep. He never had anything close to dementia. He was alert and sharp just the day before. But he slipped into this almost vegetative state. I asked the palliative care nurse what was happening and never really felt like I got a good answer.
Was it just the brain “shutting down” or was it the high doses of morphine? Wonder what people feel when they get this way? Do they know what’s happening?

Haunts me to this day how people can be so alive, then slip into that state.

 

[goeduck]

That is pretty much what I said... but even quicker in my experience. Days, not weeks.

I guess I did not know what you meant by "helps things along".

 

[ovrszd]

I saw Soldiers addicted to Morphine. When injected it caused a coma like sleep. As it wore off they were in a limited function state for more time.

If morphine is being injected to control pain the patient would begin to show signs of pain or discomfort as it wears off. Which would cause the care giver to administer another dose.

Best thing about Hospice in my opinion is that controlled drugs can be administered at home. This allows the most dignity possible rather than being hospitalized. And normally when it's needed the treatment isn't going to last long. Several days or a couple weeks. Or could be a couple days. Totally dependent on why it's needed.

I think Hospice is a great program.

 

[MossRoad]

Your local Hospice is another organization you can leave some gifts for if you're so inclined.