juvenile boot camps

[MarkV]

Cindy, I am wondering what Jake is doing for the summer while school is out. I ask because a good hard working job goes a long way towards making a kid understand what responsibility is and that life requires effort to get the things we want. I am not exactly sure how old Jake is, may have missed it, but the "earn money for a car at 16" can be a big motivator.

Just a thought,

MarkV

 

[Anonymous Poster]

Well, he can't sit still for long, unless baseballs on television. He does not have a job, but he spends a lot of time in the woods hunting, in fact he's gone hunting right now. The man he's with has a citrus tree removal service and I'm thinking he just may be the one to approach about some gainful employment. Good idea. He's 14. Just. Turned 14 in May.

 

[Chief]

I would stay away from the "boot camps" they are a bunch of BS. If you put your child down with a bunch of dogs, don't be surprised if they come back with fleas. If you want to put them in a productive & disciplined environment; put them in a reputable military school accademy. It will cost a pretty penny but if your child is at risk of going down the road of no return, it is money well spent. I just retired this month from the Army and I can tell you that I was NOT impressed with the sorry, hurray for me and p!ss on you, sissy a$$es that I saw showing up at my unit and across Ft. Campbell. Not all but most. Not trying to be negative here, but I am speaking from experience. I don't think you will be happy with the results from a boot camp. Parent and kids are fighting like hell to get into the Citadel, Naval Accademy, etc for a good reason. The military schools that feed these higher learning institutions instill much the same value. I feel for ya and hope you can find a good solution.

 

[r0GuE]

Of course he saves his respect for other people. He knows that if he doesn't they will avoid him (more unconscious thought than real reasoning). But you are his mom, and you aren't going anywhere. You have been his "God" the whole way through childhood, and now he is beginning to realize you are just a "person". Now he will test boundries for a few years. He'll probably be worse at 17! He'll come home drunk from a kegger, he'll probably cut some classes... maybe some worse stuff, maybe not so bad... He'll grow up. But he WON'T be grown up at 14,15. It takes time and patience.

and more time

and more patience

 

[Anonymous Poster]

Coming in loud and clear chief.....that has been the general consensus. It was always in the back of my mind that it could make matters worse, but all the feed back has confirmed that. His trangressions are really pretty mild in comparison. He has never been arrested or been caught with drugs or stolen 'merchandise'. He just does lousy in school and talks back on occasion and does not respect family rules and boundaries when it doesn't suit him. Many people have said this is fairly normal for a boy his age.

 

[Boone]

The lack of respect for boundaries reminds me of a kinda funny talk I had with young guy. I pretended I didn't know what his anarchy emblem (a circle with an capital A inside with the horizontal slash extending out of the circle,) meant and asked him what it stood for.
He said, "Anarchy."
I said, "What does Anarchy mean."
His reply, "Anarchy, do what you want, whatever you want. No rules."
I said, "No rules? No rules for who, just you?"
He said, "No. No rules for everyone."
I said, "Me to?" He said, "Yeah you to."
I said, "Ok, all right now I'm going to change your status to lockup and not feed you, and I'm going to shut your water off, see ya."
He said, "Hey you can't do that."
I said, "You said I could. Didn't you just say I can do what I want?"
He sure took back my Anarchist rights awful fast. /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif

 

[Anonymous Poster]

That would do it!

 

[Chief]

Cindi, not meaning to delve into your personal life, but are you a single Mom? The reason I ask is that the more I read the posts, the more it seems to me that your son is crying out for a strong mentor. Every young man absolutely must have one. I didn't have one growing up and I got into alot of trouble, fights, etc. I finally entered the Army and managed to make through flight school which makes a young avaitor knowledgable enough to be dangerous. I was doing so so, until an older Warrant Officer, a senior CW4 took me and stuffed me in his hip pocket and started mentoring me. He mentored me not only on flying skills, but responsiblities expected of me as an officer and how I am seen by others such as the enlisted men as well as other officers. He reamed my butt when it was appropriate and praised/encouraged me when I did well. Your son NEEDS this. I remembered this and when I became a CW4; I mentored other young men helping them along and offering guidance as well as assisting them to become Warrant Officers as well as mentoring younger Commisioned Officers. I also chewed some serious butt when it was needed. The SOONER a young man has a strong mentor in his life the better. I can't emphasize this strongly enough. Perhaps the reason your son behaves differently around the man that takes him hunter or was it fishing????? is that maybe he sees him as a mentor and does not want to disappoint him. I have thought about this post a good bit and I would strongly suggest the mentor route BEFORE you try the boot camps or military school. And again I want you to understand that "far be it from me" to tell you how to raise your son. I am struggling with raising 3 girls and playing Mr. Mom . It has been quite a transition for me and them both since I have retired this month. All the best and I hope I have been able to offer a little perspective and help.

 

[r0GuE]

Reminds me of a program in Africa. There was a VERY troublesom wild elephant breaking in to camps and basically being dangerous. It killed rhinos and was just a horrible beast. Rather than killing it, they tranquilized a HUGE old elephant from somewhere else and brought him to the heard/pride or whatever they call it. This guy didn't put up with the crap. The younger elephant fell right in to line IMMEDIATELY! It was astounding. I am a very strong beliver in the chemical nautre of humans, just as animals. Another reason that I belive kids should get out of the house at 18 to go to college or the military. Chemically they just go to odds with the parents at that age (and earlier /forums/images/graemlins/tongue.gif)
Once I moved out, my parents were luvvy dovely and we were best of freinds again. When I was there, we were at each others necks. The bummer is, that the age differs for differnt kids, but the opportunities to go and begin a life really don't hapen in our socioty until 18 or so. This gets to be a problem for the more advanced kids.

 

[WVBill]

</font><font color="blue" class="small">( My gut feeling is that FUD, Fear Uncertainty and Doubt are big deterents for crime. Once someone gets over the FUD that deterent is gone. )</font>

Dan: I agree with that. When I was in legal officer's school in the Navy, one of the judges we spoke to said that his most effective sentence for first offenders was two days in the brig. During those two days they experienced all the negative things of jail - hair shaved, prison uniform, the cell, etc. etc. - but they didn't have a chance to "get used to it" or figure out the system. So it left a big NEGATIVE impression. FUD.